Hidden Beneath the Floorboards
by Red Apples Inc
Summary: Bella moves to Chicago with Charlie and finds an old empty journal. Once she starts to write in it strange things happen and somehow she begins communicating with a boy her age named Edward Masen. Wierd thing is he's from the year 1918. EXB
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers, this is my new story and I'd love reviews and messages on your opinions of my story. This sort of just popped into my head today so I wrote. I'm not sure whether to continue it or not but I think I might.**

**Please review or message!!!!**

_Hidden Beneath the Floor Boards_

_Chapter 1_

_My new home of Chicago_

_**Bpov**_

"Come on kiddo, you'll love it here," Charlie said to me. He seemed generally happy about the move and I didn't blame him. Any place was almost better then Forks in my opinion.

"I know and I'm really am excited for the move. It will be nice to see you." Charlie and me were talking over the phone. He had just arrived to Chicago and I was still in Phoenix Arizona, finishing packing the little stuff I needed for the move.

I held my cell phone to my ear as I reached to grab the last of my clothes hanging on there hooks. I put them into my bag and collapsed onto my bed. "Alright there. Bella, just give me a call in the morning before your flight, okay?"

"Alright, see you soon Char- Dad."

"Yeah I'll you soon." I hung up the phone and put back in my pocket. Still laying on my bed I sighed and thought about this past month. I was moving to Chicago with Charlie to give Mom and Phil their own time.

I had no life to miss here and I certainly knew Mom and Phil needed their space for the time being. At least I wasn't going to have to life and visit Forks anymore. No, because Charlie got a new job at a local police station down in Chicago and was going to be doing more serious work then giving every speeder a ticket.

There were two knocks on my door, interrupting my thoughts, "Come in." My mother and Phil both walked in and by the looks of it Mom had just finished crying. "Mom what's wrong?" I asked.

A tear cascaded down her cheek and she came forward and engulfed me in a hug mumbling something inaudible into my shoulder. "Mom. Mom! I can't understand you, your going to have to stop crying." She lifted her head from my shoulder.

"Bella, your leaving me tomorrow. I don't think I can take this," she tried to walk out my door but Phil simply took hold of her shoulders and walked off in my direction. "Are you sure you want to move all the way to Chicago. We never were trying to kick you out." Here we go again.

I looked my Mom over and she looked torn apart but I knew this was the right thing to do. These two needed their space and I needed to give it to them. Besides Charlie wants me to live with him for some time and It's only fair.

"Mom," I sighed, "I have to go. Not for just you and Phil, but for Charlie too. I just got off the phone with him and he sounded really happy."

"I know but what about all your friends here and your school work. You were doing so well in school," My mother continued. I could tell her eyes were pleading me to stay but I couldn't and I wouldn't give in to her wants. This was my choice and mine alone.

"Just because I'm moving does not mean I'm not going to do well in class and plus my friends understand. Their encouraging the move." They had all said I needed a new adventure in my life, I knew they'd miss me but I was never that important to any social group.

Mom sighed defeated, "You know your always welcome to come back and live with us, right?" Phil let go of my mother's shoulders. "I know mom. You've been telling me for the past month now." She laughed quietly and reached out to hug me.

"I'm going to miss you," Mom whispered into my ear.

"I'll miss you too."

* * *

"Flight 309 to Chicago now boarding," The loud speaker announced. My mother had me in a death grip hug and Phil was trying his best to pry her off me. "Mom I really have to go that was my flight," I said breathlessly. My mother was squeezing the breath from my lungs.

"Renée, really Bella has to go," Phil insisted. Mom let go and I took in a big breath of Phoenix air. I turned to walk away after saying a near tearful goodbye and walked aboard and took my seat.

--

The flight was boring and the airline movie they played, I had no attention span to focus on. I walked out to the airport lobby looking for Charlie. "Bella over here!" I turned my head to the direction of the familiar voice and saw Charlie standing a few feet away.

I walked over to him and gave him an awkward hug. "It's great to see you Bells," he smiled at me. "You too dad." A few seconds of awkward silence passed between us before Charlie studied me. "Your looking good. Look the same, maybe a bit taller then last time."

I smiled up at him and said nothing as he lead me to the baggage department to pick up my three bags. I didn't really need to bring anything seeing as Charlie had moved all my stuff to the new place. We walked through the airports parking lot and walked to his new prize and beauty, a brand new Police Cruiser.

--

"So this house is pretty old. I think you might really like it," Charlie said while pulling down a suburban neighborhood. Most the houses here looked to be about a hundred years old. It was cute, but very old fashioned. "How old?" I ask.

Charlie thinks about it for a second and answers me, "About 109, 110 years old and no ones lived there for fifty years. It's been abandoned for some time and I don't know why. It's a good house."

"Maybe it's haunted," I suggested

Charlie took a another turn and the theme of the neighborhood was till focused on old fashion. He ignored my comment. As the drive passed we each traded an occasional comment on the weather, or school. Charlie talked about his new job and when he starts. He seemed excited to be starting something new.

Finally, we arrived to a new destination. The house was a simple brick made, two story house. There were five windows looking out to the street and the giant oak door. There was no garden in the front but I caught a glimpse of a grassed backyard. Once I stepped inside I felt suddenly comfortable and at home. "Just go on up those stairs and turn right that's your new room," Charlie directed me and I rushed up to the room to the right, my bags in hand.

The door was closed when I came to it and the handle seemed to be just as old as the house, but it was the inside of the room that became a shock to me. The walls still had there original wall paper, it was torn and ripped in some places. The design of it was an elegant creep of flowers, the years wore it out so it was now only brown and sun soaked.

Dust rested on the window sill that over looked the yard and next door neighbor. The original hardwood floor was still in tact too. When I took a step in further the floor creaked and I was sure anyone in the house could it. This place was old and looked as if Charlie hadn't even step foot into it yet. My old stuff rested in the corner of my room. I guess Charlie wanted me to arrange that.

"How you liken it kiddo?" I turned to face the voice.

"It's old dad. I thought people would of at least tried to modernize it."

"Yeah, the whole house is like that. I was surprised you didn't say anything about the furniture downstairs. It's all the original stuff too."

"Yeah, I'm not sure if to think this place creepy or interesting." This place held an interest that no other place had held for me. Almost as if I had been here in a dream, I felt I knew it. It was either that or the history of this house and unknown memorys it held.

"Both," Charlie answered, "but you get use to it after a few nights." I nodded, and from all the summers of staying with Charlie he must known I want to be alone to pack and rearrange my new bedroom.

--

I put my desk under my under my window and my bed on the wall to the right of it. I placed my dresser in my closet and put my clothes away. I placed my brown comforter on my bed and took a step back to admire my quick work.

Now, I knew that walking backwards was not a good idea for someone as klutzy as me but I never expected one of my floorboards to give out. I wasn't hurt but I was defiantly going to have a bruised ankle from where my foot fell in.

The floorboard only slid out from underneath me and didn't break. I took my caught foot from underneath the floorboards and brought it out and got on my knees to put the board back but something in the darkness caught my eye. I reached my hand into the hole and felt around for the object. I patted my hand around on when my hand felt something... leather bound a few pieces of rough papers.

I pulled them out and noticed it was an old journal and the pages must of belonged to it! Obliviously some one wanted to hide this maybe I should put them back. I looked down at the journal and went against my self conscious. This person was dead, I was invading no ones privacy.

I opened the journal slowly not wanting to ruin the leather bound book. I took a quick glance inside. On the first page was an old outdated envelope the name _Edward _was nicely scrawled along the side. Gently putting down the journal, I opened the envelope slowly not wanting to tear at the perfectly delicate paper. I silently read the letter that was addressed to Edward

_Dear Edward, _

_As your mother I have always known what is best for you, and I know that this journal will do you good. I want you to record your life in here. I want to you to cherish this journal as I know you will and keep close to always. It may just bring you the luck we all need in this time. I love you my son and I only wish you the happiest of years to come._

_With love, _

_Your mother _

The letter was obviously from a mother to a son as a nice gift and meant to be kept private. I placed the letter back into the envelope only before I heard the creaky floor of the hallway. My father knocked on my door, "Bella are you alright? I heard a thump earlier then it went dead silent, I came to make sure you didn't hurt yourself."

"No," I called out, "I'm fine I just- fell and I rather enjoy the floor, it's comfortable." I had never been a good lier. I was surprised when Charlie passed it off. Maybe he figured I didn't want him around and knew to walk off.

Suddenly the journal became very heavy in my hands. I looked down at Edwards journal. I was having second thoughts about reading it. He might not appreciate me reading his private business. What am I kidding myself? The mans dead or near death he'd never know I'd read his private thoughts.

Besides, this mysterious Edward would never know. There was nothing to worry about, but then why did I feel so sick? I felt as though reading this was going to have it's consequences and possibly change my life forever. This carried the secrets of man or young boy from a century ago, this carried my interest at heart.

Nothing was going to stop me from reading the journal I could assure myself of that.

As delicately as possible I opened up the journal to the second page.

I flipped to the next page and the next page but only found it completely empty. Edward never wrote in his journal. It didn't hold any of the secrets I so badly craved.

--

Dinner was quiet. I never told Charlie about the discovery of the empty journal or the Letter to Edward. "Dad do you know anything about the previous owners?"

Charlie looked up from his pizza. "Yeah," he looked at me curiously, "but not that much."

I looked up at Charlie, "Well, what do you know?" I asked quickly. I wanted to know anything, or everything about Edward.

"The first couple to live in here were the Masens and I believe they had one baby boy." Edward Masen good, strong name. "All three of them died," My heart sank at this. The boy probably never really had a life it record into his journal, "I think in 1918. Yeah, and the other couple after that no one really knows anything about them," Charlie continued.

"Oh"

--

After dinner I rushed to my room. Grabbing the journal I had hidden underneath that floorboard from earlier. I walked across my creaky floor and sat up in my bed. A pen in my hand and the journal in the other. Since the journal was never used I thought I would make good use of it and fill in my own life, as Mrs. Masen had requested her son.

_Year 2008 _

_Dear journal,_

_I have never had a journal in my life time and I can only fill the request of Edwards mother for him. He is as I figured dead and I thought since no one has written anything in this beautiful journal it would be the nicest thing to do. Falling into the floor has filled me with deep interest of this house and I only request to know more about this place, along with the people who where associated with it. _

_This place may not be as bad as I have thought_ _before I had moved. I had not excepted all the original furniture to be intact still and my room is so old-fashioned. The room up the stairs and first door to the right. It's old walls actually match my theme of neutral earth tones. I think I might keep it at the originality, it's creepy, yet so gorgeous. _

_Anyways, I have no confessions to make. I only can wish that this move was a smart move and I don't get to caught up in this house and Edward._

_-Isabella Swan_

I placed the journal in my night stand drawer and covered it with various papers and newspaper articles. Feeling all the energy drained from my body, I laid down on my bed and fell into a deep and soundless sleep.

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**Thanks for reading this. I know it kind of sucks but I thought it be fun to write!!!**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**_PLEASE READ__ So I got a good response on my first chapter and that makes me somewhat satisfied, but I'll live. _Also, I'd like about 10 or more reviews and I'll update. _**

**Warning this is my first time writing or thinking about Edwards POV and I'm having a difficult time so I'd like you to know I don't believe I can grasp Edwards POV I'm sorry I'll try my hardest but it will probably be a challenge for me.**

_**Epov (Chicago 1918)**_

"Edward, it's in my best interest that you keep a journal. The letter in there explains it all." Mother handed me a brown journal, a letter tucked neatly between the cover and the first page. The journal was new and I could smell the leather bound cover. I examined the journal closely taking in every last detail. It was plain, nothing unique and yet it held a certain extraordinary capability that was unknown to anyone but me. I could feel it, how could mother not?

I pushed that thought aside. The real question has to be: Why a journal? Of all the things I could use, a journal? Not, that there was anything wrong with this odd gift. Mother always knew best and if it is a journal she wishes me to have and use, then it is a gift I shall keep for all my days.

I looked up from the journal momentarily and looked to my mother, a small smile on her face. "Mother, why a journal," I questioned her. I could see her glittering eyes lose there fade as they had been doing everyday when father only seemed to be getting worse. It pained anybody to see this; their own mother becoming less and less of herself each day, slowly falling apart.

"Do you not like it," Mother sadly inquired. "Of course, I love it Mother. It's just there is much more I would assume I'd get from you or Father. A journal was the last of it."

"Yes, yes," she breathed. "Now, I must get going. Your father will probably want his tea at this time." In response to mothers prediction there was a series of coughs from my parents room, Father. "How's he doing today," I asked even though I knew the answer. "Edward," mother sighed. "He's only getting worse. Everyday I through the same thing. He's just getting weaker. Doctor say we'll have to take him in to the hospital. I feel there's no hope for him."

"No! He'll make it. There's a chance for him, as there has been one for many people theses days. He'll get better mother, I know it." Mother laid her hand on my cheek, rubbing away tears I had never know were there. "Edward," mother sighed, "I've learned to accept it, as should you."

"How can I accept something so vile?" I would not accept the reality of fathers upcoming "death". So many people these days have been cured and were going home to their families. Father was a good, respectable man, he surly would be fine.

"Edward, I really must get going to your father. Please don't think of this all day, consider your future without your father. Please I beg of you to accept what's happening." With that mother left the room and made her way to the kitchen, probably to fetch the tea.

I looked down at my new journal again. Something- something unknown wanted me to open it up. Why? I had no ideas or objections in mind. It was a journal there was no harm in opening a journal. I open in it up to the second page, skipping the first page. I skipped through the other pages and found them to be all empty, but what else was I expecting to find. Certainly not a journal full of entry's. I expected to find this journal empty like any other person would.

I took the letter out from it's tugged pages and opened it slowly and neatly I pulled out my letter, reading it silently.

_Dear Edward, _

_As your mother I have always known what is best for you, and I know that this journal will do you good. I want you to record your life in here. I want to you to cherish this journal as I know you will and keep close to always. It may just bring you the luck we all need in this time. I love you my son and I only wish you the happiest of years to come._

_With love, _

_Your mother _

It felt like a puzzle- a hidden message. She was trying to tell me something else by this letter. I reread it once more but only to find the same thing as before. Oh, how mother was confusing me now a days. With father she has only grown frail and weak herself. Now, she is leaving me puzzles to solve. A journal and letter that was all I had to help solve this unknown mystery.

In my time of thought I only heard fathers cough. Why, father? Of all the unfaithful people the world held these days, why was it this man threatened to be taken away from me and mother? What was I to do with mother all on her own. Sure, she was strong and held a high confidence above all things but could she support herself? Then again, she has been growing weak herself, was the Spanish Influenza here to take her life too?

No! It couldn't, it was already taking Father and the thought of mother being lost to this horrid plague was beyond comprehensible. Mother had always been there and to bring death upon her would be heartbreaking for not just me but the community that had come to love mother.

I shook my head, needing to clear my head of these corrupt thoughts, but how?

I looked down in my hands where the journal sat. Maybe, it held a distraction to this situation. Mother wants me to use this and I shall, right now in fact. I picked up the journal and flipped to the first page. _'Blank'_

Carefully I walked to my room and sat down at my desk instantly writing the things that had come to mind.

_First entry _

_Now having to realize fathers condition it's only brought me down along with mother. How I fear for her health, future and beauty. Shes only grown weaker with each passing day and I do not believe it is fathers health and strength that has her so invalid and weak. No, but instead I deem that she too is sick with the awful plague that has struck everyone but me in this household. Thus, me being the only one healthy for what I believe, I've only held hope for father but mother has lost her faith and I in no doubt blame her. This has hit us heavily and broken our hearts._

_What am I to do in a situation such as this? I very well can't keep on praying to the lord to spare them as so many have, but what could his great plan be? Surely mother and father deserve as much life as possible and for the lord to allow culprits and sinners to live then he must be a selfish man or have a very good plan. Either way, this was not the path I wished to walk, but who would want a path so grim and ghastly? Certainly not a respectable person._

_Also, in the request of mother I'm to consider life without father and I just can't find it. Father has always been there to support us both. Maybe, I shall join the army, but to leave mother alone would that be heartless? If so I'll get a job at a local business of some sort, that way I can be here for mother. Another fear of Father being gone, I suspect mother will want me to marry as soon as possible. No matter how much I loath the idea I know it's for the best, even if I do not love her. _

_Well, I must end this entry and I must say I feel helpless. Whether it's normal or not it puts an enormous weight on my shoulders but then again that could be the future ahead of time._

Now, knowing it was time to visit Father I got up and waked swiftly to his room where he lay bedridden. "Edward, my son," my father coughed. My heart wrenched at the sight of this. My father weak almost was as bad as my nightmares had been. Only this time he was less pale and sweat wasn't dripping from every limb of his body. He looked more lively then I had dreamed but still ill and no sign of recovery seemed present.

Maybe I -as mother should give up hope of fathers health and except his fate.

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_**Bpov **_

The man stood alone and his back was to me.

In the middle of a clearing that was surrounded by thick masses of trees. Trees you'd see in Forks, ones you'd only find in Washington. I ignored the trees but instead almost as if in slow motion watched as the man turned his head in my direction. His face emotionless, but inhumanly beautiful. He snarled in my direction as he caught site of me. I merely ignored him, even with my palms, sweating my heart going at a rate I never thought possible. I found myself comfortable and free from danger around him. For, some odd reason I knew he'd never hurt me.

This man did nothing as I stepped closer to him. With another step I saw his hands curl-up into fist, but his face still emotionless. I stared in awe of this man and quietly cursed myself for not admiring his beauty before. His flawless pale skin, and almost god-like body were almost _to _gorgeous, but I again ignored that fact and took two steps to him.

And as if everything moved faster but me, the man appeared right in front me and same as before his face was emotionless. "Who are you?" I gasped in surprise. He crooked his head to the side as a dog would when it was curious. "Who are you?" I asked once again but he did nothing but stare at me and turn to walk away.

Again moving faster then I, he escaped into the woods on the other side of the clearing.

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**Remember 10 or more reviews and I'll update! Peace, readers!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry I've forgot to add an disclaimer. So-- I don't own anything Twilight related. As cool as that would be, it's just not possible. Blah blah blah. This counts for every other chapter guys so don't expect to see another on again unless it's necessary. **_

_**ALSO 15 REVIEWS THIS TIME AND I'LL UPDATE!!!!**_

_**Bpov**_

"Hey Bells," Charlie greeted happily as I took a seat at the kitchen table. "How was your first night?" Instantly I images of last nights vivid dream came to mind. The gorgeous man and the beautiful clearing. Had it all been a dream? Just a dream?

"It was... different then moms place," I said hesitantly. "No offense, but it's just a big change for me, you know." Charlie nodded his head and I was unsure if he was hurt by my comment or not. Either way it didn't matter. It was the truth.

"So, I'm gonna head to the hardware store. I want to get to fixing up this place,"Charlie said grabbing his keys from the counter and turned to leave heading straight for the door. "Call me if you need anything or need some help. I'll just be down the street."

"Alright." As I heard the door shut I got up from my seat at the kitchen and took a look around. Since arriving yesterday I had only seen about four rooms. My bedroom, the bathroom. the entryway/hallway and the kitchen and decided to take a quick look around.

Easily I grew board after looking all over the house. It was all the same old, dusty and boring. Something you'd see in a museum as an example of our _**Old American heritage**_. Maybe after Charlie finished the house I could sell the furniture to some big shot museum, or at least donate the stuff. As long as it was gone.

Silently, I went to my room and collapsed on my bed. I didn't feel well and laying here seem to be the only solution to my problem. Seeing as I was probably stressed and tired from the move.

_"But just maybe,  
halaka ukulele  
mama made a baby  
Really don't mind the practice  
cause you're my little lady  
lady lady love me  
cause I love to lay here lazy  
we could close the curtains  
pretend like there's no world outside" (That's the song from the soundtrack. PS Check it out. The links on my profile)_

Without thinking I answered my phone not caring who I was talking to. It was most likely mom anyways. "Hello?"

"Why didn't you call me yesterday?! You had me worried sick for a whole day. You promised you call but _no_ you didn't and I was so scared. Oh, and Charlie wouldn't answer my calls..." Mom continued to rant on and I occasionally would vaguely say yes to agree with her.

Still listening to my mom go on I got up and pulled the journal I had found yesterday out of my drawer. I'd been to "intrigued" with the house and my dream to even remember the highlight of my move so far; Finding a journal under my floorboards.

I looked down at the journal again. What was it that had me hooked? Was it the fact that Edward and his family had held this journal almost a 100 years ago? It really was fascinating to have such an old and precious thing, but it was empty. Where was the fun in that?

With my free hand I opened the journal and read something that I _certainly _did not write.

_First entry _

_Now having to realize fathers condition it's only brought me down along with mother. How I fear for her health, future and beauty. Shes only grown weaker with each passing day and I do not believe it is fathers health and strength that has her so invalid and weak. No, but instead I deem that she too is sick with the awful plague that has struck everyone but me in this household. Thus, me being the only one healthy for what I believe, I've only held hope for father but mother has lost her faith and I in no doubt blame her. This has hit us heavily and broken our hearts._

_What am I to do in a situation such as this? I very well can't keep on praying to the lord to spare them as so many have, but what could his great plan be? Surely mother and father deserve as much life as possible and for the lord to allow culprits and sinners to live then he must be a selfish man or have a very good plan. Either way, this was not the path I wished to walk, but who would want a path so grim and ghastly? Certainly not a respectable person._

_Also, in the request of mother I'm to consider life without father and I just can't find it. Father has always been there to support us both. Maybe, I shall join the army, but to leave mother alone would that be heartless? If so I'll get a job at a local business of some sort, that way I can be here for mother. Another fear of Father being gone, I suspect mother will want me to marry as soon as possible. No matter how much I loath the idea I know it's for the best, even if I do not love her. _

_Well, I must end this entry and I must say I feel helpless. Whether it's normal or not it puts an enormous weight on my shoulders but then again that could be the future ahead of time._

I had to be going crazy. This entry was not here yesterday, and that I knew for sure.

"Mom, I have to go call you back," I said absent minded before hanging up and throwing down my phone.

As fast as possible I shuffled through the pages looking for the entry I had wrote yesterday. Nothing. It was blank except for that one entry.

Oh god, I thought. I'm going crazy. I mean was it possible for this to happen? Was it possible for something as clichéd and entirely impossible as this to happen and to **me** of all people. Oh the time wasted thinking I was the only sane one left and here God was to prove me wrong, because there certainly was no way this could have been a joke. Charlie had no clue of this journal, and who else was there in the house? Unless, my prediction had been true yesterday. Maybe, that had been the reason Charlie ignored my comment: The house was haunted with the ghost of a lost soul, whoever this might be.

Had "it" noticed my interest with the journal and it's past and if so would it write back? With trembling fingers I briskly grabbed a pen and began to write. Hoping desperately to get an answer soon.

_Dear lost soul,_

_I understand that you are filling out the journal with your old thoughts, but I kindly ask you to stop. Honestly, your making me feel uneasy and rather jumpy and as crazy and amazing this might be I have to say this is clearly impossible and I feel foolish writing you. Actually, I feel this is beyond foolish. This. Well, this is just plain stupid. I mean I'm writing to a ghost! Someone who does not exist. _

_Please, I will do anything to get you to stop writing. If you need help crossing over to the other side. Don't be afraid to ask. I know some very good Ghost Busters that can help you as long as you participate with them._

_Helping you pass over,_

_Crazy Isabella Swan_

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**Okay, guys I won't be able to update as fast. My friend just got involved with drugs and is acting really REALLY stupid and I need to take care of some crazy drama going on in my life. Also, I'm writing a story with a new friend Milkdoesthebodygood and she's awesome. So when that comes out I'll let you know so you can check it out.**

**Thank you all my faithful reviewers and I'm requesting 15 reviews for this chapter. Come on you guys I know you can do it, I'm getting a lot of hits for this story so it can't be that hard to tell me what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Also this chapter takes place before the last chapter in Bpov so she never wrote that last letter... well not yet. Anyways if this gets confusing just let me know and I'll explain it to you.**

**20 Reviews this time!!!**

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_**Epov (takes place before last chapter)**_

This was all intangible. _Isabella Swan_? Who did this person think she was taking my journal and replacing it with her own, as if for some odd joke. Those were my personal thoughts, and problems and yet she had took them away and replaced them with her own daft problems.

Mocking, I thought rereading the entry once again. This thief... miscreant was mocking me!

_Year 2008 _

_Dear journal,_

_I have never had a journal in my life time and I can only fill the request of Edwards mother for him. He is as I figured dead and I thought since no one has written anything in this beautiful journal it would be the nicest thing to do. Falling into the floor has filled me with deep interest of this house and I only request to know more about this place, along with the people who where associated with it. _

_This place may not be as bad as I have thought before I had moved. I had not excepted all the original furniture to be intact still and my room is so old-fashioned. The room up the stairs and first door to the right. It's old walls actually match my theme of neutral earth tones. I think I might keep it at the originality, it's creepy, yet so gorgeous. _

_Anyways, I have no confessions to make. I only can wish that this move was a smart move and I don't get to caught up in this house and Edward._

_-Isabella Swan_

Now, I began to wonder to myself. How had this miscreant gotten into my house and why had they only taken my journal? Surely there was something more of value here, such as mother's jewelry, father's gold watch, the fine china we had stored in the kitchen. What had my journal offered to them? Besides the fact it held a few thoughts and concerns of my own, it was only one pages worth.

And surely she knew it was not the year 2008 but it was 1918, and not only had she gotten the date wrong but she thinks that I'm dead! I'm clearly alive and well, certainly not dead! She must of known this if she had came to my house and entered my room and taken my new journal. All of the other information found in the irregular entry was useless and was very unclear to me. Except for knowing she was interested in me.

I choose to ignore her last comment and this entry all together. It was obvious I would not be able to write in this journal for sometime and I did not want that strange miscreant in my house again. If it happens again I'll be sure to inform the local authority's. I would not deal with this nonsense.

--

I had chosen to ignore the journal for a day. Knowing that the thief had never entered the house and came up to my room. Maybe, it was some elaborate joke played by someone that enjoyed getting a laugh or breaking an entry, possibly both at the same time.

Satisfied, I walked to my room after just finishing tea with Mother and slowly I walked up to my desk and took a seat. I grabbed the journal from my collection of books and hastily opened up the journal to "Isabella's" entry. It was still there -where mine should of been- on the crisp new paper. I flipped to the next page and saw to my enjoyment the page also blank and flipped back to the front again only this time the entry was gone and new words were appearing suddenly over where the entry should of been.

Quickly, I threw the journal across the room, letting it hit the wall with a soft thud. Trying to calm my fast paced heart. _My _journal had been possessed by Satan himself and I was unexperienced in this level of religious belief. Yes, I do believe in God and all that stood for Christianity but never had any one reported about a possessed and unholy journal. Was I suppose to bring it to the church?

Had anything like this ever happened? I questioned myself as I took a cautious step towards the journal. I had heard reports similar to this, but most things possessed had been either living humans or common household items.

I shook me head of these thoughts and moved closer to the journal that was lying face down to my floor and with all caution picked up the journal and began to read the new entry that had been placed over the last.

_Dear lost soul,_

_I understand that you are filling out the journal with your old thoughts, but I kindly ask you to stop. Honestly, your making me feel uneasy and rather jumpy and as crazy and amazing this might be I have to say this is clearly impossible and I feel foolish writing you. Actually, I feel this is beyond foolish. This. Well, this is just plain stupid. I mean I'm writing to a ghost! Someone who does not exist. _

_Please, I will do anything to get you to stop writing. If you need help crossing over to the other side. Don't be afraid to ask. I know some very good Ghost Busters that can help you as long as you participate with them._

_Helping you pass over,_

_Crazy Isabella Swan_

I sighed frustrated after reading the new entry. She had talked to me as if I was some dead, old, ghost wondering her halls. She wrote as if I was just as unreal as she was to me. A near ghost in the night, quietly haunting souls.

This was no person, correct? This was the work of Satan and/or witchcraft. There was _no_ other explanation except for the fact that something obscene was trying to corrupt my soul and send me to the fiery deeps of hell, but the thought of communicating with someone of a different time or place had sunk into my head. As, unnatural as it was, it felt right to think that way.

Disconcerted, I began to write to this so called "Isabella" -or the devil himself in disguise- rejecting the very theory I had first believed. I was not communicating with another but instead was going critically insane. My days here had been stressful and unlike any other. With father ill and mothers newly-developed personality I was creating a safe haven for myself. Like a child would in the midst of war, maybe this was the one place I could feel safe and unpressed by life.

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_Whether you are a figment of my imagination or the devil himself, I do believe I'm going insane. As, I have watched the words you had once wrote disappear and reappear once again, only a different entry. I must say I am no ghost and it is you who has written in MY journal and as you asked I beg you to stop writing in my journal. For I believe this is unhealthy for the two of us, or at least I. _

_And to your disappointment I'll have you know that there will be no crossing over soon, and I pray you understand that there will be no Ghost Busters required in this unnatural conversation and in the near future. I am perfectly capable of crossing over when it's my time and I'll have you know I'm very healthy. _

_I also feel inclined to inform you the year is 1918, not this blasted nonsense of it being the 2008 and though you are unreal I hope for you to correct your mistake._

_Sincerely_

_Edward Masen_

Swiftly I placed the journal face-up on my desk and awaited another message. Hopefully she would take my advice and stop writing, but I couldn't -I wouldn't- miss an opportunity alike this one. I wanted to see the spectral words appearing on the page. I _wanted _to witness this paranormal event.

As unhealthy as I knew it was to develop this sort of obsession I wondered what would others do if they had been put into this exact situation? Would they believe that they were going insane or were creating a world only meant for there eyes and if so, what would they have done differently? They certainly wouldn't be writing back, I thought to myself. They would just pushed this all away. They would of -tried- to have forget this treacherous memory. Surely that's what any civilized and sane person would do.

It took care of the problem, I thought, unsuccessfully trying to convince myself I was being perfectly rational. No, but instead I was making this harder for myself.

I had always been rational. I had always done the right thing and now I felt as if I was doing the complete opposite. If this had and was the work of witchcraft and black magic then I was certainly not doing the right thing by writing back!

**_Bpov_**

I sat on my bed, nervously tapping my foot on the old hardwood floor. The journal lay in it's hiding place -the drawer beside my bed- nesting between my cellphone and old newspapers. I had left a pen beside the journal so "It" didn't have to look for a pen, and now all I had to do was wait.

I had been sitting here for an hour, staring at the floor and for this past hour I had been thinking of any logical explanation for the sudden appearance of the entry. It wasn't like these things happened over night and it certainly wasn't normal to imagine these kinds of things.

_Was it time?_ I asked myself. Tearing my eyes from the floor to the handle of the drawer. Could "It" have written in there yet or was it to early?

Was it time to prove to myself _I_ was quickly going crazy or to test the unique theory of "it" being a ghost? I didn't want to look. No, I had rather leave it alone toss it out the window. Someone else could write in it, and solve this paranormal problem, but not me. This was not something I wanted to do, and there had to be a majority of people out in the world seeking something as rare and impossible as this, but would "it" still do this for them, or was it only me that had the ability to communicate within this journal and if so, _Why me?_

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**So I'm requesting _20 reviews and_ I don't want to strain you people out there but I know (I really do) you can do it. HEY! So you peeps out there did a great job reviewing. 15 reviews! I'm so happy. Keep up with the reviewing and I'll keep up with the updates. Also, I'm looking for a really good BxE story. I can't find any that are "different" so if you have written or know any please tell me. I want a good read.**

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	5. Chapter 5

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**Okay I have no lame excuses as to why it took me forever to update- besides the fact it was the holidays and I just let out a new Twilight story. I haven't really been writing anything 'cause I feel lazy. Anyways I hope you had a good Christmas and I hope you are happy with this chapter. This isn't my favorite chapter, but I'll let you decide.**

**Great amount of Reviews I think it was almost 30. Awesome! So I'm not going to request any reviews this time, but I'd love some reviews on your thoughts and opinions of my story.**

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_**Bpov**_

It wasn't like I was that unique. I didn't deserve this amount of stress, or paranormal events but then again maybe this was what I needed to escape.

Quickly, I found myself eager to read the journal, but still I was cautious and slow moving. I wouldn't allow myself to come closer to the journal, but I wouldn't allow myself to leave the room. I didn't want to miss an opportunity like this, even if I didn't see "it" write directly in front of me. It wasn't something I wanted to leave alone, even if I kept telling myself that I wanted this to stop. There was a part of me that wanted to keep on reading and writing back and then there was the other half of me -the more smarter half- that wanted me to toss all this out the window, burn it, tear it apart. To forget and keep on living.

But I didn't see any harm in writing. Except, maybe the harm for my sanity. Now, the more I write, the more my sanity is to decrease. Poor Charlie, having to witness his only daughter going crazy. What would that do to him? Or better yet, what would Renee do to him?

"Oh god. That would be horrible," I mumbled to myself.

"What was that kiddo?" I heard Charlie ask entering my room. Had he no sense of privacy?

"Nothing," I said quickly, shaking my head. "So what did you get for the house?"

"Some paint for my room and a few new things for the plumbing. Nothing much," Charlie said rubbing the back of his neck.

He always seemed so nervous near me now-a-days. Unlike when I came to visit him in Forks for a month in summer back before I was fourteen. Back then he was more social and bold towards me. Now, it was like I was one of his co-workers. He was now more professional and uptight. Thinking back I realized how much I missed the old Charlie, my old father.

"Nice," I said. "Is there anything you need help with. Painting, putting stuff together, unpacking," I suggested lamely.

Charlie's eyes widened as I mentioned the offer of help. He must not have expected. "Well, no I think I'm fine right now, but you know I might need your help sometime soon. I'll just let you know when."

"Alright. Just tell me. This is our house and I don't want you working yourself to retirement," I said laughing nervously at my horrible joke. Charlie blushed red and silently excused himself from my presence. He -alike I- probably wanted to get out of that pre-awkward situation.

Not that I blamed him. I mean he and I had always had the hardest time communicating with other people, but for us (Charlie and me- together) it had always been an awkward silence. Always. Maybe that's why I never really wanted to live with Charlie, I thought to myself. Besides the point that he lived in Forks -I still cursed that place as my abhorrent hell- it had never been comfortable to sit around with him in complete silence like how I enjoyed.

It didn't bother me so much that I didn't have a connection with Charlie when I was younger or before I moved, but strangely I had never really cared this much. I had always put off this relationship with him. I personally saw no point in it. That was until now at this very moment. I suddenly cared about how Charlie acted. Whether he was fatherly or acted as though I was a co-worker trying to make small talk I knew I wanted a connection with him; for him to yell at me for being late for dinner or not cleaning my room. I guess I just wanted a real father figure not a Charlie. No, I wanted a "dad".

With all this thought on Charlie and I, I had completely forgotten the journal and "It". This surprised me slightly and I was still so unsure of what to do. Should I read it? Or possibly forget and move on? All the choices lead to a different destiny and I knew this. I had to be wise and thoughtful, but how was I going to be thoughtful when I had so much to consider?

Like the fact that "It" wasn't real or the fact that this could drive me insane. There was so much to consider and it all was centered on a journal; if I should read it or not. Then again there was the -little amount- of pros. Take for example the fact that I'll have someone to talk to, even if "It" wouldn't be positive with me. It wouldn't tell anyone my secrets and desires- but who was he going to tell his little ghost friends?

No or at least I hope not. I was telling it this in secret and even if it did just tell its "ghost friends" it still hurt to know the fact that I couldn't even trust a ghost.

I twisted my neck to look over at the drawer. The very drawer that held my journal and the very journal I was secretly scared by and calmly rested on my decision. I wouldn't read this journal and I would would let no amount of temptation drive me to open and read it. For the sake of Charlie and Mom I wouldn't open the journal especially when the cons where out weighting the pros. I never saw that as a positive sign.

--

_**Charlie's POV (Trying something new!)**_

I walked down the creaky stairs leaving Bella in her room to do what teenage girls were suppose to do. What did they do now? I felt so unexperienced in this "fatherly" act, but Bella- nor Renee ever gave me a chance and now that the time has come I had found my teenage years were unhelpful. For the fact I was a man and my parents had still been together and I knew them well-enough. Now that Bella was here it seemed harder then when she was younger and carefree. Before, she started treating me like her school teacher and acting less like my little girl.

I shook my head of these thoughts. Maybe Bella was going through _one of those_ girl stages and just wanted her time alone and locked up in that room. Billy always said that they go through that phase before they grow-up and become fully grown women.

Now then maybe after that things would be less awkward with me and Bells and I might be able to have true conversation with her instead of making small talk like I do with co-workers.

Inattentively, I walked into the closet I had put the things from the hardwood store in and looked for the paint rollers I had put to the side by the door and vacuum and in the process knocked down some boxes.

"Damn," I muttered as I noticed one of the boxes had fell open. I gathered all the old paper work that had fallen out the box and took a quick glance down.

They were old black and white photo graphs and as I figured were the pictures the Realtor had told me about. I quickly shuffled through the pictures of the Masen's and gathered them up into a pile. Maybe Bells would like to look at them, I thought to myself.

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_**Bpov**_

"Bella," I heard Charlie call for me from down stairs. "Come down here I want to show you something I just found."

"Oh no," I mumbled to myself as I brought my eyes back from the drawer, which I had been giving death glares for an hour or so. "Coming," I shouted standing up from my bed and briskly walking to my door.

I waked down the steps towards Charlie and looked to see what he was holding. A box: A really old box.

"What is that," I said motioning with my head to the box in Charlie's hands.

"Well, I noticed your curiosity with the previous owners and... I thought you might want to see them in person," Charlie said hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand and blushing a tint of red.

I walked over excited. I had so badly wanted to meet "It". _My_ ghost. I mentally slapped myself for thinking about "It". I had spent the last hour trying not to and yet "It" was the only thing I _could_ think of. It was sick of how obsessed I had become over someone who was possibly dead- well was most likely dead, but that's besides my point. I wanted so much out of this "It" that was probably impossible.

Nearly trembling I took the offered box from Charlie and settled down on the hallway floor. Skeptically I opened the box and grabbed the first dust covered pile. The photos looked like they hadn't been touched for a very long time.

The first picture was of a beautiful young women in her early twenties. She had a light color of hair and a gorgeous heart shaped face. She held a toddler in her arms and she looked very serious with her straight face, but he was stunning to look at.

The next picture was of a young man, a little older then the women I had just looked at. He had a handlebar mustache that fit his round face and was wearing a plain suit. He wasn't dashing, but then he wasn't bad looking. He was normal. Average such as myself.

I continued to view the photos and before I knew it I only held five more in my hands.

The first one was very much like the rest except there was a new man in the picture. He stood a little taller then the older man and looked younger then I had seen in any pictures. I couldn't make out his face, but I had figured this was Edward. The boys who journal I had tried to read, but had found nothing. I took a glance at the next picture and realized it was one of Edward.

Like his mother he was beautiful. He had many of her facial features and stood with poise. Looking at this photo I felt oddly.... connected to him. Maybe he was "It", I questioned myself. It was his journal I wrote in and it made sense.

Wanting to see more I placed the second photo down and glanced down at the third and shocking photo. It was a picture of me. It was a colored picture of me. It was the picture of me I was we only had one copy of, because that was a picture I gave my mother before I left.

_What the...?_

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**Okay I didn't center this as much on Edward and Bella, but on Charlie and Bella's relationship. I've always wanted to write a BellaXCharlie (FatherXDaughter) fluff one-shot and I wanted to add this into my story. In the books Bella's relationship with her father was shortly explained but never really was there much thought into it so I thought I do that for fun. Sorry if you didn't like this chapter(I wasn't very fond over it either).**

**Also check out my new Twilight story, Do You Hear That? - Here's a preview-**

_**Quickly, I snuck over to the door and allowed myself a few breaths. This was really it, I thought to myself. I was finally out of this place.**_

_With trembling fingers I gripped the metal of the doorknob. Excitement filled my stomach with butterflies as I slowly began to twist the bronze-colored metal, while carefully pulling at the door trying not to make a noise. If I had made one noise I knew I was caught and I couldn't -I wouldn't- allow myself to make a noise. Not today!_

_Opening the door I left enough room for me to fit through and ever so slowly I crept through to the porch, taking my sweet and precious time. I was out of here soon. I was away from the music, and the crowded space. This was what I needed, the fresh air._

_Discreetly, I pulled the door towards me and silently I shut the door, and turned my back. I did not want to see that door ever again, but I did want to jump up and scream for the fact that I had finally achieved freedom, but I didn't with the fear I'd wake someone up and would forcefully be dragged into my house after all my hard and silent work._

"_Ahem."_

**Okay so check it out and don't forget to review! Please?**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Bpov**_

I didn't know what to do. I instantly froze; my fingers gripping the large photo. It was a school picture from freshman year and mom had taken an odd liking to it. I remember her trying to give it to me the day before I left, but I insisted she kept it. It was her favorite picture of me I was sure she would of wanted it to frame- or something like that.

But what was it doing here in this box? Mom never sent Charlie a copy (well at least I don't think she did), but even if she did what would it be doing in this box and why wouldn't be hanging. Charlie usually hung pictures all over the house. I remember that from when I was younger and I would visit Forks. That was when I discovered he was still head over heals in love with mom. The still hung pictures of mom had been my proof, but this wasn't about my mom or dad. I wanted to know where this photo came from.

Inside I was screaming with fear. I knew this stuff wasn't normal (the journal included). I knew that and just about anyone in my situation would- I mean it was kind of obvious. I swallowed my fear and allowed my gut to twist in turn as I left the hallway and brought the picture to my room, leaving the box and it's contents on the floor where they sat.

I ran to my drawer, with my photo still in hand and picked up the journal and as if there was some odd force forcing my hand to open the read it, I began to slowly open the journals cover while ignoring the other half of my brain that was against this option. It reminded me of the oath I had made, but I could care less now about the oath I had made hours prior to this exact moment. Besides I only saw it as a quick precaution, maybe something to help me think about whether I should of or shouldn't have opened the journal. It was never something permanent.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes knowing that after I opened the journal there would be no turning back and strangely enough I didn't care. I was... ecstatic. I guess the reason being that I was going to finally communicate with "It" (or is it Edward?) again and it made me excited, gave me butterflies, and nearly had me crying out for joy. There was defiantly something I never felt, I thought jokingly to myself.

I slowly I opened my eyes and looked down to something I had never wrote, but Edward did.

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_Whether you are a figment of my imagination or the devil himself, I do believe I'm going insane. As, I have watched the words you had once wrote disappear and reappear once again, only a different entry. I must say I am no ghost and it is you who has written in MY journal and as you asked I beg you to stop writing in my journal. For I believe this is unhealthy for the two of us, or at least I. _

_And to your disappointment I'll have you know that there will be no crossing over soon, and I pray you understand that there will be no Ghost Busters required in this unnatural conversation and in the near future. I am perfectly capable of crossing over when it's my time and I'll have you know I'm very healthy. _

_I also feel inclined to inform you the year is 1918, not this blasted nonsense of it being the 2008 and though you are unreal I hope for you to correct your mistake._

_Sincerely_

_Edward Masen_

A large and uneasy breath escaped from between my lips. I sat down on my bed rereading the bizarre (_entry?_). My fingers were shaking violently, but still gripped the journal tightly never wanting to let go.

_He surly couldn't believe that it's...?_

This couldn't be happening, my brain yelled loudly. I almost felt compelled to scream it, but I held it in for Charlie's sake.

Unfocused and a little dizzy, I tried to come up with a reasonable answer for this situation- or more like it, Edwards situation. Edward Masen was obviously confused, he didn't know he was ghost.

Part of me wanted to believe this, but the more I read his entry the more it felt like I was telling myself a dirty lie. I just about felt guilty for thinking it.

Maybe somehow this journal was a communication between our two times? Or maybe I was just crazy? Either way I had no idea what to do next, was I suppose to write back? Tell him some of my theories on why this was happening to me- _us_? Maybe we could compare notes on the reasons for this insanity and how this whole thing works. I mean this is suppose to be impossible, right?

This sort of thing just didn't happen.

"Bella, what did you get yourself into," I groaned out loud, thinking maybe I could possibly get an answer to my deepest questions.

....Nothing.

I looked up from the journal finally. I wasn't exactly reading it before. I climbed into bed and hid under the covers. I just needed to collect myself, before I wrote to Edward Masen, the non-ghost who haunted Charlie's house or you could say my journal. I rubbed my temples furiously trying to remove the guilt I felt for Edward as I thought that. He wasn't a ghost and I knew that.

Thirty minutes later I crawled out for under my covers and went to my desk, grabbing the first pen in sight. I sat down on the floor, my head and back leaning against the side of my old bed post.

I bit down on the end of my pen and looked at a blank page of the journal before I started to write.

_Dear Dead Edward,_

_You and I both. I believe- well more like I figure, that this has to do something with my mental health 'cause this wouldn't be possible. There is no such thing as communication through a journal, but somehow we might of found a way (if this is real, that is). I don't know how, maybe you do? Either way, I'm trying to over come the fact that you're real and not a ghost because in my gut I have a feeling that your real. One can only wish. _

_Please write back with all you know. _

_Isabella "Bella" Swan_

I sat and stared at my writing and flipped to the page before, where Edwards previous entry was written. I studied his beautiful and human hand writing and compared it to my simple, bubbly and modern penmanship. I immediately felt the jealousy creep up from my fingers to every part in my body. His handwriting was amazing and sloppy, but absolutely different and there was nothing wrong with different. I had never been envious of a man's handwriting before today.

I don't know how long I stared down at Edwards hand writing. It could of been minutes, hours, days and I would of never noticed. I reread his entry countless times, each time hoping to see something new and unique, but everything remained the same, to my disfavor.

I looked up for a moment trying to catch the time on my clock, but instead I took the time to appreciate our room (ours meaning Edward and I's). I wondered what it looked back in it's original and new state?

I sighed and tried to rub the sleepiness from my eyes, but all of this excitement had made me tired. So, casually I laid back and sank deeper into the purple comforter. So, casually I laid back and sank deeper into the purple comforter. I hadn't realized I was so tired.

I stood out in the middle of a dark alley. I felt confused, hurt, sad and hungry. I look towards the restaurant across the street, but non of that smelled good. I stared in horror as I looked down at myself. My pants and jacket had been covered in mud, rain water and blood. My feet were shoe less and my skin color had changed to a near transparent. I shook my head in embarrassment, but felt no blood rush to my cheeks.

I stood in the alley for near seconds before (as if being fast forward) I found my way home to Charlie. A smell of fresh honey leaked out from behind the door to my nostrils. My throat burned with a feeling of hunger. Eagerly, I ran inside towards the kitchen and found it to be empty except for Charlie, but the smell of fresh Honey still lingered. I exhaled deeply and looked towards Charlie in search of this delicious food, but he had none.

Charlie stared at me with shock and emptiness. I could care less. The dry burn in my throat increase as I came closer to Charlie. The smell of Honey increased and I let in a deeper breath, closing my eyes to allow my nose to lead me. I took a pleasant step forward and grabbed what was in front of me. It felt like nothing in my arms and by instinct I drove my teeth into the... I opened my eyes and saw I had Charlie in my death grip, my teeth digging into his shoulder. His eyes were wide and I could see them begin to gloss over slowly. Unable to control myself I continued to drink his blood. No amount of guilt stopping me.

After seconds I could feel the warm crimson blood drip down the side of my mouth and down my chin. Satisfied, I stopped and carefully brought my teeth from his shoulder, not wanting to ruin the body anymore then it had been damaged. I choked up a tearless sob as I set a pale and lifeless Charlie on the floor.

I couldn't stay here after this.

As fast as possible I ran up to my room and grabbed my biggest bag while stuffing all my clothes in there in the process. I rushed into the bathroom, and scooped all my bathroom items into my bag not caring to organize them. I _had _just eaten Charlie.

Looking into the mirror quickly I stood in shock. MY eyes were a deep crimson red?!

I awoke with a jerk. The journal spilling to the floor. I tripped out of bed and ran to the bathroom and sighed with relief as I saw my eye's were still the same. It had all just been a dream.

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**Hey! So I'm sorry I haven't updated, but I was grounded for awhile and then I was on a short writers block. SO yeah I didn't get to update and I also want to see I saw the Twilight movie a few days ago and thought it was absolutely horrid. Anyways, I'm still looking for a good BXE story with an weird or really good plot.**

**Also I'm trying a new thing. I'd like for Reviewers to tell me there favorite line from this chapter. Since this is the first time I've done this for this story I wouldn't mind if you used past chapters. **


	7. Chapter 7

**_Okay so this chapter might come become a shock to you later on because- I can't really tell you without giving it away, but I've decided to add a OC and she's pretty awesome, her names Jane and I'd like to say we'll be seeing much more of her for a few more chapters. Okay, this is one of my favorite chapters in Epov only because... yeah anyways read so you know what I'm talking about. Also can someone tell me what they think of Edwards Pov. What could be improved? I can't read Midnight Sun because my computer won't load the file so I'm doing this all on my own and I have no idea about Meyer's creation. _**

**_Please Review! I must know what you think about the new added surprise._ **

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_**Epov**_

I sat at the foot of my bed watching my journal... yet again. I eagerly clung to the end of the blanket waiting to see the magic writing appear again, but nothing had appeared for the last hour. I had considered giving up my lookout and give it a day. Yet, something was keeping me here.

I sighed and closed my eyes and thought of what was going to happen to me after all this madness had overcome me. Almost all parts of life would be affected by this decision, but I did not hold a single care. It seemed in my own world I did not have to deal with father's collapsing immune system, mother's change, or the real world around me. Instead it was just me and this Crazy Isabella Swan and I felt at peace with this fact.

Ever so slowly I began to open my eye's. My visions blurred for a few moments, but slowly recovers. I can't help but let my head roll down slowly to the direction of my own world and I'm not the least bit scared to see new words appear where my old message was written. I read each beautiful word as they appeared and allowed myself to fall deeper into my own world.

_Dear Dead Edward,_

_You and I both. I believe- well more like I figure, that this has to do something with my mental health 'cause this wouldn't be possible. There is no such thing as communication through a journal, but somehow we might of found a way (if this is real, that is). I don't know how, maybe you do? Either way, I'm trying to over come the fact that you're real and not a ghost because in my gut I have a feeling that your real. One can only wish. _

_Please write back with all you know. _

_Isabella "Bella" Swan_

I stared down at the entry, feelings I could not explain flew around in my gut and soared high, freely attacking any part of my body they could. It started off as pain and confusion. My head hurt as the feeling ripped and sped through my body bringing up the emotions of jealousy and uncontrollable angry. I stood up pacing my small room and uncontrollably argued with myself, but the question that soared along with anger was nearly breath taking, in a way.

_What if Isabella Swan really did exist in 2008?_

No, no no no.... _No_?

As highly impossible this all seemed, what if this was all real and I in fact was never going crazy.

The emotions stopped attacking and flying within my body. They paused, alike myself and stood their place and all at once they questioned themselves the same thing: What if this was real and not Edward's (my) imagination?

Without thought, I ran over to my desk and grabbed my writing utensil's along with my journal. I roughly collapsed into my arm chair and thought of all the ways to prove this theory correct. My leg hung over the side of the chair and my foot hoisted into the air tapping to no particular rhythm. I could think of no ways to prove this thought and my heart burned deeply and the journal began to weigh in my hand.

I lifted my right hand and began to write Isabella, ignoring my fathers coughs from down the hall. I was now in my own world and held no concerns for those in the real world.

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_There isn't much to say about the day I received the journal. I believe you read the entry and the letter. There for you know that it was a gift from my mother, that is it a gift nothing more. I have no understanding how this communication works, to be quiet honest with you, this is my first time._

_Also, I feel like I must assure you that I am no ghost. I live in Chicago Illinois and it's the year 1918. My father, Edward Senior is sick with a horrid flu that is weakening his immune system. We discovered it wasn't the Spanish Influenza and my mother is showing sighs of weakness. My name is Edward Anthony Masen and I'm seventeen and my family and I are apart of the upper middle class system._

_I don't know what else to say, but please write back soon. _

_Yours,_

_Edward Masen_

I searched my letter for anything that was too forward. Maybe, in the future this wouldn't be considered forward at all. Maybe, my entry would be considered slow towards this Isabella Swan. And if all this happens to be unreal then I don't believe it would matter. My mind would be playing the very part I'd want it to and the last thing I'd want was Isabella Swan to be mad at me.

Real or not I believed father when he said an scorned women was something to fear, not the monsters Clive had told me about when I was five and still afraid of the dark and windy nights.

I chuckled softly, and watched my fingers intercross, when I began to wonder, just who was this Isabella Swan? I know nothing about her, as she does to me. I wonder, if my mind was making her up, then what were her traits? What did she enjoy reading? The possibilities were nearly endless and filled me with excitement. But then, again, I began to question myself deeply, what if she was _real_ -or so you could say- what would she be like then?

I ran a hand through my bronze-colored hair and sat in deep thought, when I was interrupted with a loud racketing knock on my door. "Edward," Mother called, her throat sounding horse. "Edward please come out of there; we have guests."

"Coming," I said softly, rising from my bed and walking over to my door. I took in a deep breath and straighten my clothes out, before going down stairs to formally greet myself to ever the random visitors might be.

As, I turned down the hallway I could hear three quiet voices, one being of my mothers the others unfamiliar. One of them sounded older then the other, the other was more delicate and light. Almost of a soft ringing bell. I began to wonder what Isabella's voice would sound like if she were real, or lived in this time period.

"Oh, yes," I heard my mother clap. "Edward has a very promising future; that I can assure you Mrs. Walter."

"I can only expect the best from the two of you, Elizabeth," I heard a stout women's voice say ignorantly before scolding a younger women. "Jane! Fix your skirts. We don't want Edward to see you like that, do we?"

I listened silently, slowly putting the pieces together. It was obvious these two strangers were here to see me, but why? A thought- more like an idea swarmed into my head, as it had done to my parents and I knew I should of expect it sooner: My mother seeking myself a wife.

"Yes, mother," I heard the delicate voice say obediently.

The room went silent and I had decided to drop by as previously ordered. I came immediately into the tea room, where I had heard the voice earlier and found three women sitting in our oak chairs, all looking away from each other and me. I took this time to quickly observe the two strangers whom had come to see me.

A heavy older women, dressed in a deep and unfaltering scarlet red dress sat nearest to my mother. Her scarlet hair was tied up into a tight bun, buckled to the back of her head, making her plump cheeks only look big and rounder. I took notice of her heavily worn red lipstick and cringed lightly.

Taking my eye's off the husky women, I scanned the young women next to her and nearly lost all breath. There she sat in a soft white satin dress, a bow of the same color going around her narrow and fragile waist. She had thick chestnut-colored hair, that flowed down her shoulders and to mid-back. Her skin was milky white and her glowing soft pink lips, there to entice any man.

Mother was the first to take sight of me and pull me out of my unmannerly stare. I flushed as mother smiled knowingly, right before the two strangers looked up to me, surprise etched into both of there faces. The gorgeous young women blushed slightly and looked down at her milky white hands. I imagined her soft hands moving against my skin and gulped heavily, pushing down the feelings of lust.

"Edward," The large women greeted. Giving me a glance at her yellow teeth. "Please come and sit," she invited, motioning to a seat across from the young women and next to mother. I did as I was told and sat down properly. Never allowing my eyes to wonder towards the beauty across from me. "Edward Masen, I want you to meet my beautiful daughter, Jane Walter."

I looked up momentarily and meet gray eyes of the beautiful Jane Walter. My breath once again constricted itself into my throat while I continued to gaze into the gorgeous women's gray-colored eyes. "Pleasure," I muttered clear and loud enough for the three lady's to hear.

Jane nodded her head, almost as if she were in a trance also. I fought the urge to look away and run up to my room and write to Isabella, and tell her of my new feeling's, though I had not known her for long. I trusted her.

"Now Edward," Mother sighed happily. "Why don't you take Jane on a tour of the town-"

"I'm sure she'd like that Elizabeth," Mrs. Walter interrupted. "Wouldn't you darlin'?"

I looked to Jane and saw her blush a light shade of pink. "Yes Mrs. Masen I'd enjoy a walk around town."

Silently, I lead Jane out of the house and down our front step. My heart raced and my palms sweated as I tried to think of anything to say, but nothing came to mind. With Jane standing next to me I felt like a silent fool, I had never seen anyone so poise, nor beautiful in my seventeen years of life and to suddenly have beauty thrust upon me, I was unsure of how to act or what to say. What if I say something foolish?

"Beautiful weather we're having today, isn't it Mr. Masen," Softly said Jane.

I looked to the blue sky and nodded my head in agreement. "Yes, it's been very lovely."

_Silence._

I instantly hated the sound of silence. I wanted to hear Jane's voice fill the air with it's natural, gorgeous tone and allow it to let me slip away, into my own world and maybe I'd make an exception to allow Jane to hold a key to the gates and enter whenever she felt like it.

"Mr. Masen-"

"Edward," I interrupted her. She scrunch up her nose cutely and opened her mouth to say something, but I quickly cut her off, " Call me Edward, please."

"Edward," Jane said. "I was wondering where we're going," She questioned hastily. I lifted my head up fully and took notice of our surroundings. I had no knowledge of where we were at, but then again the only thing I could focus on was the sweet smell of roses radiating off Jane. I exhaled deeply, and stood up to my full height to see where we were, but no matter how hard I tried Jane's smell kept me unattached and out of focus of my task.

I laughed out loud at my sudden addiction to Jane and watched as she slowly joined in, laughing along for no reason. And I found this didn't matte for Jane's laugh was perfect and I felt I could never live without it.

_To be continued...._

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**Okay so do you hate me? I want you fans/readers to know that this is still going to be a EdwardXBella story. I just needed to add a little extra drama. My friend actually advised this idea to me and I couldn't resist. Anyways, Part Two will be out soon. I already have it written, but I'm going to give it some time before I publish it (SO sue me), but I promise it will be out soon. **

**Also, I don't know who noticed, but I made Edward Masen Cullen's father have a collapsing immune system instead of the influenza, because I did some research and discovered it's a really quick disease and not slow like I was going to make it.**

**Reviewers, reviews were awesome and I'd like if you wrote your favorite line from this (or if you're new at this- old chapters) chapter. I got a great amount and I'd like to see that, again! Hope you liked it. **


	8. Chapter 8

_**Okay so I'm not sure who will catch the hint I have placed in the chapter. It's kind of obvious, but then again it might be one of those things where it's so obvious it's hard to guess. Anyways, my OC, Jane, I love writing. You'll see later why, I love her so, but she's a fun character to write with. Please review and tell me what you think!**_

_**Disclaimer- I don't own Staples Ball Point Pen .7mm. Well I do literally, but I don't own the Staples CO. etc.- I think you get what I mean. At least I hope you do. If you don't then I'm sorry for confusing you and I'll just post this story already.**_

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_**Epov**_

".... And he really ate the dirt," Jane asked shocked.

I thought back to when I was younger and smiled in memory, "Yes, yes he did."

We laughed and talked the through whole stroll of town. It seemed my nerves had gotten the best of me and I had quickly recovered them. Which, I found a positive for both me and Jane in the discussion of past childhood. This way I was able to get a sentence out without whispering a reply or sentence.

As we continued to talk, I took note of each and everyone of Jane's habits as we continued walk through parks and down new and old city roads. She scrunched her nose and giggled lightly, always bringing a milky white hand to her pink plump lips every time something she found funny was said. She blushed whenever she was given a compliment or was stared at by an older man, where as opposed to I who would flush with jealousy and anger when a man laid an eye on her. I found this immensely foolish, but when it came to Jane I couldn't hold back any longer and my jealousy slow slid into place, even though there was no exact place for me- well not yet.

"So Edward," Jane said after recovering from a giggle. "Have you ever been in love?"

I shook my head, "No and what of you. Ever fallen' in love?"

She looked down at the green grass beneath our two feet and shook her head as I did earlier and said, "No- at least not yet." I glanced sideways where Jane stood and meet a pair of large gray eyes. Jane looked away from me and sighed longingly, like a person would do in waiting. It seemed as though she was going through old memories of someone or possibly an event. "I don't mean to be forward. Mother's always said my tongues had the best of me. It'll give me trouble someday."

I laughed softly, I found the idea of a women being outspoken or having a said "tongue" amusing. It didn't bother me much when a women was outspoken, the rights of a women should of been the same as a mans. God did create us as equals.

"I don't mind, Miss Walter," I said.

We walked in comfortable silence for some time, my hands clasped behind my back, fighting to hold Jane's smooth, milky white hand in my own. "Tell me Edward," Jane's bell like voice rang. "Why do you suppose our mother's introduced us?"

I took a sideways glance at Jane, and saw she was staring down at brick walkway. Her gray eyes planted nowhere near me, or my feet.

I cleared my throat and fixed the collar of my shirt and looked straight ahead. Everything seemed to have gotten hotter in those few seconds. "I think we both know the reason."

"Yes," Jane laughed bitterly. "I do know, but is it really all that fair to us; to force a court -possibly a marriage- between you and I?"

"In their eyes it is-"

"Yes," Jane interrupted, "But what if we do not love each other? I like you Edward, I really do, but what if I don't want to be married? What am I to do then?"

"Then we make the best of what we have and try to be happy," I said solemnly. I turned my head towards Jane's body. The smell of roses swirling around my body the closer I came. Her dress clung to her small, perfect body as a warm breeze pushed against us; her chestnut-colored hair danced lightly in the warm breeze. I watched as Jane's chest filled up and collapsed, as if she was silently sighing. I evaded my eyes from her chest and looked down, hoping to hide the heat to travel up through my cheeks.

"How do I know," Jane asked shyly. "I mean- it can't be simple, can it, to know when I'm in love or happy at least with someone?"

"I think it can be. I think once you meet them, every thing's suppose to change."

Jane looked at me sceptically, an eyebrow raised. "Change, as in how?"

"I don't know," I laughed. "I think it's all suppose to be peaceful. Maybe, a little awkward between the two people, but I think after a few moments you just know that your suppose to be together... forever."

"So, you're just suppose to be in love and then- that's it? Where's the knight it shining armor, heroic rescue, the perfect castle and perfect first kiss or something rather along those lines," Jane questioned perplexed, I shrugged my shoulders in defense. "Life's not very romantic, is it," she asked sadly.

"No," I exhaled. "No, I suppose not."

The rest of the walk was silent. We watched as children played in the streets, and automobiles passed us by on the brick roadways. The warm breeze had suddenly turned cold and I lead us back home, where the husky women, Mrs. Walter, was settling into her car and mother stood at the doorway looking out for us. Jane sped up her walk towards her mother and I joined, going formally to say goodbye to both guests.

Jane was at the car's door holding her dress, and climbing into the small space next to her mother. I walked to the window and nodded my head in Mrs. Walter's direction before gazing at Jane. "I very much wish to see you again, Edw-," Jane stopped and corrected herself, at least around her mother. "Mr. Masen."

I tipped my head her direction and formally said: "As do I, Miss Walter." A large, grisly smile appeared on the large women right to Jane's face.

"Mr. Masen," The large women, Mrs. Walter, said, turning my attention towards her. "I _hope_ to see you more, and Jane thanks you for the walk, but we really must get going, before we have Mr. Walter angry. Now driver go on won't you!" The driver of the Walter's automobile, took in this order immediately and drove off leaving me in the street watching the beautiful Jane Walter- along with her monstrosity of a mother -drive off into the distance.

"Edward," mother called. I turned my direction to the foot way of the door, and saw my mother wave her hand inside the house.

I held up my hand and looked back into the distance, where Jane had driven off to, before turning to the house.

--

"So Edward," mother sighed after taking a sip of tea. "What did you think of Miss Walter?"

Upon hearing her name, I nearly dropped my cup. My gut jumped at the near mention of her name, and would cause my whole body to racket along with it. I put my dish down on to the table and rested back into the chair. Seeing as we were going to talk about someone who made me jump, I did not want to spill my tea. _What did I think of the beautiful Jane Walter?_

Just thinking of her made my skin crawl with pleasure. The thought's of running a warm hand down her bare, milky, skin came to mind every time. So instead I tried to think of her details; I thought of the way her Chestnut-colored hair danced in the breeze and the comparison of her snowy skin to her gray eyes; I thought of the wonderful color her cheeks turned when she blushed; the way her voice chimed, and rang through the air when she spoke. In those short seconds I thought of everything I learned about the magnificent, gorgeous, one-of-a-kind Jane Walter.

"She's perfect," I whispered lowly towards my mother. It took me some time to notice it, but Jane was perfect and nothing- _Nothing_ could be any better then her.

_"I think it's all suppose to be peaceful. Maybe, a little awkward between the two people, but I think after a few moments you just know that your suppose to be together... forever." _The word's from earlier etched into my brain and repeated themselves multiple times.

"She is rather nice isn't she," Mother happily inquired.

"No," I shook my head. "She's not just rather nice mother, she's absolutely perfect."

Mother laughed lightly before saying, "I think you've made your point Edward." She looked at me a weak grin planted on her face. She took another sip of her tea and clasped her own hand over where mine rest, on my knee. "When do you plan to tell her?"

"Tell her what?" She took both hands of my knee and took another sip of tea.

Mother raised both eyebrows at me and set down her tea, "That you love her of course."

My throat closed up, and my brow began to sweet. _Love?_ That was a little to fast wasn't it? Though I had suggested the idea to Jane earlier, I had made it up on the spot. I was unaware of love and it's true feeling, I had just described it as the books had done.

"I- I- don't love her," I stuttered.

"Edward that's a lie, you and I both know that. If your father was well, he too would know it," Mother scowled. "Now, I want you to write Miss Walter a letter inviting her to tea on Tuesday, maybe you two could go on another walk."

"Yes, yes. I'll do that." I arose from my seat and said left for my room.

I came into my room and walked to my desk, where my utensils and paper were suppose to sit, but were not there. I looked to my arm chair where and saw, that laid out on the floor where multiple things, the journal being one of them.

I walked over and gathered all the other things not glancing down at the journal. It was probably empty anyways, yet, my eye could not help but wonder off to the distance, coincidentally where the journal lay. The journal with which a new entry was written and something purple lay with it. Carelessly, I dropped everything and ran for the journal and threw aside the weird purple device, reading the amazing words that had appeared sometime with in the two hours.

_Boy of 1918 (Edward),_

_There's so much I want to know, but I think if I put into a list it'd make a long entry and it'd make you confused. Anyways, I do want to know if this is a real, but I've tried so hard to think of ways to prove this not only to myself, but you also. Yet, my mind goes blank. _

_On a different subject, I'm sorry to hear about your father and your mother, it must be hard going through that when your only 17. Here 2008 we have medicines that can cure many of your old disease's, but it seems the more we cure one disease another appears or one increases within the populations. It's a strain on many doctors of my time. _

_Well, there's not much more to say and I'm sorry I can't help about this whole journal communication-thing, but I really enjoy writing to you. For some odd reason I feel like I know you already. _

_PS. The name's Isabella "Bella" Marie Swan I'm 17. I live in Chicago Illinois and it's the year 2008. My father's hopelessly in love with mom who left him awhile ago and she is now remarried to a man named Phil. I guess you could say I'm apart of the middle class system. You know, I'm not poor, but I'm not rich. Just living comfortably with my dad, Charlie. _

_Wanting proof,_

_Bella Swan_

I shook my head and left the journal open on my desk. I'd write back as soon as I found that odd purple device that came with this letter.

It took a few quick seconds to find it laying on the floor next to my sprawled items, it's purple color standing out within my items. I noticed it had a silver end, smaller then the cylinder it was attached to. Below the silver cylinder was another cylinder this one though, had a silver triangular end, it's top lightly cut so it wasn't sharp.

Picking up the device, I rotated between my fingers. I pressed down on the triangular edge, but nothing happened. I spun it in my finger's again then pressed down on the other end with the cylinder.

_'Click'_

I rotated it in my hands a few more times, before I noticed that the small opening of the triangular edge was no more open, but in the place of the small cut off gap there was another triangle. The tip covered in... _ink? _Lightly, I brought the tip of the pen to my forefinger and dragged the ticklish tip across my finger, where black ink appeared. I flipped the device around in my hands, and read the little letters nearly faded out on the pen.

**Staples Ball Point Pen .7mm**

I took the pen, as I like to call it and walked over to my desk, and began writing... everything I could think of.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm not sure if you have noticed, but I'm using your Staples Ball Point Pen. I don't really know if it is yours, but let me tell you it's amazing, but I must ask, where does the ink come from? Well, this is all besides the point. I meet a women, and she is absolutely perfect; she's beyond perfect in beauty. I can not begin to explain the perfectness of Jane Walter, but I can tell you the way she smells of roses drives me crazy, and the way her chestnut-colored hair dances in the wind drives me off the edge, as this journal does, but in a different sense. _

_I think I'm in love. My mother says that this is what it is, but I have just meet Jane Walter today, it can't be love, can it? I'm trying to ignore the feelings right at this very moment, maybe if I see her again I will know._

_Well, I can not stop thinking about her as I could not stop thinking about you earlier. You've both left me curious, the reason being, who you are. I'm afraid that I don't get much of who you are with a short entry, but it is enough to keep me writing and wondering if we'll ever recover from this madness and live to lead great lives? I wonder if it will be possible?_

_Either way, I know I can have some support from you. Unless they take away my journal, then, I'm afraid I shall never have someone believe I am sane. _

_I'm afraid this is where my entry ends. I do have a request for your next entry, could you tell me a little about your time? I want to know what the year 2008's like._

_Yours,_

_Edward Masen_

I slid the Staple Ball Point Pen into my desk drawer so no one would find _my_ item from the future. It was the thing I had close to Bella, besides this journal.

_**Bpov**_

Shit, where's my pen?

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_**Alright, that's it for today. I hoped you liked it as much as I did. Anyways you know the drill- review me with your favorite line and whether you liked the chapter or not, What could I do better on etc. **_

_**So can any of you guess what's happening with The Jane Mystery as I like to call. I've only had one person guess correctly, can you? Review and tell me! **_

_**I don't know when I'll be able to update next. I don't have school tomorrow so maybe I'll get to writing then, but that's about it. Ummmm... yeah. Thanks for the support on this story you guys and I'm OVER 100 reviews which is so cool. Thanks for that guys and I hope to see 200 reviews soon! ;)**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Bpov **_

I always found it amazing how the speed of losing something works. You place one thing somewhere and next thing you know it's gone, out of sight. It also amazes me in how long one can spend looking for the lost item. Take for example: my purple pen.

For the past ten minutes I have spent them looking for the said purple pen, and I have had no luck.

I sighed uncomfortable with the fact I had lost something and (again) shook out my sheets in hopes of finding the pen, but no such luck.

I give up, I retreated within the messy battlefield. In my mind I see a white flag moving through the breeze of my room; sheet's are thrown on the floor, dust is flying through the air, furniture is ripped apart, and paper's are still floating slowly back to the ground, and I stand there in the middle, my hair messy and tangled, waving a tiny white flag with my right hand, but then I come back to real life.

Real life where the journal's thrown on the floor along with a few articles of clothing- but you see in the real world there's Edwards beautiful hand writing on the page, and not my sloppy, ordinary hand writing and I can't help, but let my heart skip a beat and speed up as I come closer and see there's a new entry, but what's written there shocks me.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm not sure if you have noticed, but I'm using your Staples Ball Point Pen. I don't really know if it is yours, but let me tell you it's amazing, but I must ask, where does the ink come from? Well, this is all besides the point. I meet a women, and she is absolutely perfect; she's beyond perfect in beauty. I can not begin to explain the perfectness of Jane Walter, but I can tell you the way she smells of roses drives me crazy, and the way her chestnut-colored hair dances in the wind drives me off the edge, as this journal does, but in a different sense. _

_I think I'm in love. My mother says that this is what it is, but I have just meet Jane Walter today, it can't be love, can it? I'm trying to ignore the feelings right at this very moment, maybe if I see her again I will know._

_Well, I can not stop thinking about her as I could not stop thinking about you earlier. You've both left me curious, the reason being, who you are. I'm afraid that I don't get much of who you are with a short entry, but it is enough to keep me writing and wondering if we'll ever recover from this madness and live to lead great lives? I wonder if it will be possible?_

_Either way, I know I can have some support from you. Unless they take away my journal, then, I'm afraid I shall never have someone believe I am sane. _

_I'm afraid this is where my entry ends. I do have a request for your next entry, could you tell me a little about your time? I want to know what the year 2008's like._

_Yours,_

_Edward Masen_

I grip the journal tight in hands, nearly ripping it in two. The emotions that have over come are ripping, and tearing at my body, and yet all I can do is take the pain, anger, jealousy, and small amount of happiness and use it against Edward's journal. I let the journal fall out of my hands and listen to it hit the floor with a large clatter. The noise only lasts a few seconds, but it's enough to strangely feel satisfied with myself.

Maybe, the little abuse I did to the journal would come back full force on Edward and make him feel as I did, but only ten times worse. He deserved the pain and jealousy just as much as I didn't for telling me of his "love" and his feelings for Jane. _I meet a women, and she is absolutely perfect; she's beyond perfect in beauty. I can not begin to explain the perfectness of Jane Walter, but I can tell you the way she smells of roses drives me crazy, and the way her chestnut-colored hair dances in the wind drives me off the edge, as this journal does, but in a different sense._

I groan out loud as I realize the words have engulfed themselves into my brain, torturing me multiple times, reminding me that she's perfect, and that she's got Edward wrapped around her perfect, rose smelling hand (or is the saying finger?).

I look meekly at the journal lying at the floor and being to think. Of all people to feel jealous of it's someone who's dead? Now _that's_ wrong.

"Bella," I heard Charlie call. "Phone."

"Coming," I yell back. I fight against going to the phone or staying in my room. Whoever was on the phone (Mom) would of hung up when they realized I wasn't coming, but, ridiculously, I give in and run to the kitchen.

"Yeah, she's right here," I hear Charlie mumble into the receiver as I enter the kitchen. Charlie holds out the phone and looks away from me. I take the phone gently out of him hand and watch him walk over to the sink, pretending to wash dishes.

"Hello?"

"Bella," mom greets. "How are you?"

"I'm good mom. So what's up," I ask quickly. I shift my feet over a few times and thinking about all the things the I could be writing to Edward or thinking about who this so called _perfect_ Jane is that Edward has just meet and thinks he might love.

"Oh, um nothing. Phil and I are having a good time down here," She pauses. "Are you sure you don't want to move back here, because if you do I'd totally understand and your room's the same, oh and-"

"Mom," I nearly shout. I watch Charlie out the corner of my eye, I can see he's watching me out the corner of his eye with curiosity or in other words he's eavesdropping. I turn away from Charlie and whisper into the phone, "I'm fine here. It's a little strange and old, but honestly this place is awesome, and I'm really enjoying it. Charlie's fair about everything and Chicago's nice."

Mom laughs sadly on the other line, and I listen to her take in a lungful of breath. "It's just weird you know? Without you hear, it's odd," mom says gloomy."I miss your old soul," she laughs, trying to unsuccessfully lighten the mood.

"It's here," I murmured softly, "Just a phone call away, mom."

"I know, Bella, but can you blame me?"

I looked down at the dark hardwood floors that were found throughout the house, I had no idea what to say next. "You're my only daughter," she dry sobs into the phone. "I miss you."

I kept my stare on the floor, trying to pick out the odd patterns of grain, before answering her, "I miss you too, mom."

The silence continues, both of us remain silent. I listen to her soft breathes over the phone and match them up to my own. I begin to think about Edward while trying to keep my breath at the same tempo's of my mother's. I hear the sounds of Charlie's shoes pass by me, and when I look up I see Charlie's left the room and has gone to the living room, turning the TV to a sports channel. I wonder if he'll still be for the Mariner's or whoever Illinois baseball team is this upcoming Baseball season?

"Mom," I break the silence. "Did you ever think there was someone out there for you, but you knew you'd never be able to have them?"

Mom exhales deeply, as if she's been waiting for this question."It's a familiar feeling Bella, but soon you'll find someone to fill that part of you, and you don't feel that anymore."

I squeeze the receiver in my hand, thinking about Edward's Jane. Edward seemed to be almost perfect for myself -even thought I hardly knew him-, I couldn't believe my mother when she said that someone fills the spot. Unless it's Edward then, yes, the empty, dry pit will be filled, but my mother was suggesting someone other then Edward, and that sounded nearly impossible seeing as he was in love with Jane and from a whole other time period. "I think the feelings permanent mom. At least for myself," I say shyly.

"Bella, honey," mother coos. "Don't think that. There's someone out there for you. It might take a couple of tries, but soon you'll stumble on someone who makes you... _so _happy and- the feeling's indescribable."

"What if there's only one person for me," I ask. I bite my lower lip and wait for my mom to answer.

"If that's the case then I'm sure then you'll get your chance. You just can't let it slip between your fingers."

"... and if the guys already in love with someone else?"

"Then it's out of your hands Bella," Mom comments. "You know as much as I know you can't mess with love... Can I ask who were talking about Bella?"

"He's no one mom," reluctantly I say. I wanted to tell her everything, but I couldn't muster up the courage for her rejection."It's impossible for us to be together."

"Well, if he's no one then why are we talking about this and him," Mother asked nosily.

I lifted my head and watched the hour arm of Charlie's wall clock stay it's place as the second arm passed it by. "I don't know," I answer truthfully.

"Be honest with me, Bella, is he the reason you left?"

I consider lying to mom and telling her yes, Edward was the reason I left, but that only seems to create a bigger problem. I being to count the cons and pros of this situation, but my head can't focus. I lean against the counter and try to come up with a quick, believable excuse, but nothing comes to mind. I let my mind drift for awhile forgetting, I'm on the phone with mom, forgetting Edwards dead, or the perfect Jane Walter. I ignore the noise from the room Charlie's in, but I pay attention to my own heartbeat.

_'thump... thump... thump'_

"... He is isn't he," I hear mom question interrupting me.

"No," I answer simply. "It doesn't matter anymore," I explain. "I don't care about him anymore and I'm over it."

"Are you really over it," mom asks reassuringly.

I think about the truth, no I wasn't over it. Somehow Edward had worked his way into my heart. It wasn't love, but I very well knew it was something and it will always and has always been there. Kind of just waiting for him to come, and make me realize.

"Yeah," I said faking cheer. "I'm really over him. Thanks mom; I couldn't have talked to Charlie about this."

Me and mom exchange a few more words of small talk and goodbyes and after that I find myself in my room rereading Edward's entry, tears running down my face, a box of soft tissues in hand. I reread his detail's of Jane over and over, not caring about the fact that he had said he thought about me a large amount of time. I doubt he thought of us in the same manner as of his of Jane's.

I blew my running nose into another soft tissue and ignored the tears that were running down my face.

Stupid pen stealer, I thought bitterly to myself.

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**I'm sorry people, but that's all I can write today. So are you proud of me or what I updated two days in a row!!! Reviews were great and I give Sonata Ann the reward for longest review and you should know the drill- review me with your favorite line and what you thought, any ideas?**

**Also Volturi Jane has nothing to do with Edwards Jane.**


	10. Chapter 10

_**So I wrote this yesterday, and then I lost it. I was on a typing streak and had about (3000 words) and when I go to save Fanfiction says something along these lines: Error, can not preform this action at the moment. Please, try again in a few minutes. I was on the verge of tears, the chapter was SO good, but now it's blah:( **_

_**Well I hope you like it and I hope to update tomorrow or as soon as possible. **_

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_**Bpov**_

_"In reality the past changes as rapidly as the present," -Ludwig Goldscheider_

"Jane," his voice echoed throughout the darkened out-stretched hallway.

My breathing becomes soft pants and I being running down the bizarre hallway searching through each room, looking for the haunting voice. I'm aware I'm dreaming, but I can't control myself, I had my mission: find the voice.

"Bella," a new bell like voice called out from behind me. I turn around quickly to check my surroundings, but nothings changed. I shook my head and turned back the direction I was headed before, and let out a piercing scream; in front of me stood a young women with glittering gray eye's, chestnut-colored hair and soft milky colored skin. Her hands are behind her small, frail back, and a smile planted sweetly onto her lips. The smell of delicate roses travels to my nose and I can not help, but whisper the name aloud, "Jane."

I can see the images of my eye's growing wide at the thought of Edward's perfect Jane being right in front of me, my mouth open slightly in confusion.

Jane nods her head and brings her hands from behind her back, and steps closer to me. We're nearly inches apart and I get a chance to look at her stunning details closer. I can see her beautiful gray eye's glistening with tears, and the lower portion of her bottom lip quiver, and her throat makes a light choking noise, as if she's holding back a sob.

With her free hand she place's two items into my hand. Taking my eye's off her crying features I look down at the light items and am very surprise when I find the journal, Edwards journal in fact, and Renee's favorite photo.

Oh, so she's here to rub it in my face, a dark voice sneers in the back of my mind and I try to ignore it, but can't help but think that's why she's in my dream or nightmare.

I blink back tears, before I look back up to Jane. I blush bright red when I finally take notice she's staring at me with curiosity, a nervous smile playing on her lips. She giggles at me and runs a cold hand my and down my arm as if trying to reassure me of something, but I don't know what.

Jane removed her hand from my arm and we stood there in a awkward silence, both of us not knowing what to say. She was _the perfect_ Jane, I had previously earlier this night had hated for taking Edward, not that she was really taking him from me, but- yeah, well, there's nothing more to say.

I held up the picture of my smiling, unhappy school photograph and waited for her to explain why she had handed me this picture and the _journal._

She gently snatched the picture from my hand and placed it into the journal and it was there where all the locks clicked. Mentally I slap myself as I realize how my pen had gotten there and the picture--

"This was how the picture had come to be in that box," I said in awe, granting all the new information into my brain.

"Yes," Jane's lax, yet, poised voice said, smiling down at me. I shift from foot to foot awkwardly. Things had suddenly gone quiet, again.

"So...." my unusually high pitched voice trailed off. "You and Edward? Cute," I comment.

Jane let a small hand raise up to her lips as she giggled at me as if I were telling a joke. Moments later she jerks upright, and steps back. "I have to go," her bell like voice says sounding strained. She looks to the left and then to the right, but doesn't let her smile fade when she looks to me. "If only you knew..." she trails off sadly, then throws up both of her hands up mid-way and disappears, along with the scenery.

With out warning I'm back at Forks again. In the clearing (again). Dark ominous clouds float their in their spaces and a chilly breeze runs through the mid-day sky.

I open my mouth to scream out loud, and let someone know of my presence, but no noise is made from me. I fell to my knees and clutch my throat in my hands and ignore the itchy, dry dirt like cover on my skin that is crusting itself through my fingers. Once again I try and scream out, but the only noise heard is the rocking and swaying of the trees. Defeated, I dropped my hands to my side and let my head fall down so that it was staring at the green grass.

Still on my knees I took a unaffected glance at my blood soaked outfit. The crimson blood was dried, and slowly chipping off my skin, jeans and itchy blue sweater. I began to wonder who's blood was spread over my body as I chipped off the dry blood from my jeans.

No possible people come to mind.

So, I continue to chip the blood of my pale skin and light blue-colored jeans until I hear a sound from my right. I jerk my head up quickly and follow the outline of the meadow, my eyes scanning for an sign of life.

And that's when I saw _it (or him?)_.

This time his back was not turned to me. His skin was faintly glowing as he stepped out of the dark shadows of the edge of the meadow and in to the dark open meadow. Within mere seconds he was standing not, but five feet from me. I gasped loudly and stood on my shoe less feet. I permit my eyes to scan Edward's modern form, taking in the inhuman beauty that left me (unnoticeable) breathless.

"Edward," I murmur in disbelief, stepping closer to the beautiful man. Edward copies me and takes a step forward. The space disappears between us in mere seconds and we are engulfed into a large hug, Edward's stone arms squeezing my waist, his sweet scent warming me up.

"Jane," he mumbled into my hair, his cold, sweet smelling breath ridding up against my neck. My heart shatters.

"No!" I sobbed, springing up from bed.

I sit up and wipe my eyes of fresh tears, and pull the blanket against myself trying to gather heat up that I had lost from the nightmare. I bring my knee's up to my my chest and set my chin on my knee cap. I stare at my wall, the very wall that Edward stared at probably thinking of Jane, and look away.

My head is turned to the drawer, where on top lyes Edwards journal and my school photo. Though I did not place my picture there I'm unaffected. Strange things had always seemed to be happening in this very room and this seemed to be nothing different. Just another notch in the step of strangeness -if there were such a step and if there were such a step, I'd be sitting right on top of it, journal in my hand and the school photo of myself tucked in between my fingers, like I am right now.

I know what I am suppose to do, but I can't do it. Giving Edward my photo proved pointless; in my dream Edward had called me Jane and that made no difference. If I were to give him the photo, it still would not matter. In my own dream he would say Jane's name and not mine.

"Bells," Charlie knocked on my door.

I groaned and threw my head down on my pillow, and mumbled loudly, "'o away!"

"Bella," Charlie says, opening the door. "Come on. Not only is it time to wake up, but there's a delivery here for you." He nudges my pillow and grumbles something along the lines of being just like Renee, and gives me another nudge, quietly saying my name. In response I say, something inaudible to the my pillow.

I turn over to Charlie (-making sure to make it look as thought I've just woken up-) and say, "From who?"

Charlie stiffens and squares out his shoulders as if I had brought up a bad subject. "Your mother," he says gruffly and hands me a package. He stares at me while I stare at the package in his hands and wonder what my mother sent me. "Well... open it up."

With both hands I take the package and rip off the plastic top. A small note from my mother floats out into the open air, before landing softly in my hand.

_Bella-_

_I know you told me to keep this, but I couldn't when I knew you were gone. I've just had to watch you leave me and I know we will talk soon, but please for my sake keep the gorgeous photo and let Charlie have it to frame. He'll love it. _

_~We miss you,_

_Mom and Phil_

I opened the rest of the plastic package and dumped it upside down, letting it's contents fall gently onto my bed. I didn't look at the photo, but instead handed Charlie the picture of my smiling, unhappy face.

"That's a good photo," Charlie says handing it back to me after inspecting it. I place it upside down on my night stand where the same picture lay.

"Yeah, well. I hate it," I huff turning to look Charlie in the eyes.

I ignore the compliment's Charlie gives me and lay back down into the sheets of my bed. I watch Charlie's shoulders shrug up and down a few times and I watch closely as his mouth moves, but no noise is made. I begin to listen to my heartbeat again, and count the beats. Charlie's mouth still moves, as though he does not know I can not hear him. I want to laugh at him, prove to him he was the fool and not I, but I stay quiet and lose count of my beating hearts beats.

_"thump... one, thump... two, thump... three,"_ my voice counts in my head.

Charlie loses interest in me and walks off. As, he turns I can see the heat creep up his neck and to his cheeks and felt slightly puzzled. I wonder if he's mad at me.

"If only you knew..." A voice whispers faintly into my ear, a shiver crawels through my back and I'm left to wonder Jane's words, If only I knew, what?

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_"Never turn back and never believe that an hour is better because it is dead," -Beryl Markham_

**Also, for the photo just appearing there- it's not magic or anything, actually----- there is no real explanation for it (opps?). We'll just stick with "strange things happen etc," and live with it, but if any of you have a reason (or explanation) for this advent, it'd be very nice if you reviewed or sent me a Pm with your idea; at this moment I am currently idea less. Anyways, do what you do, review with your favorite line. I love the feedback I'm receiving with your favorite lines, and knowing you enjoy my story, but tell me if there's anything I need to work on. I'm on here to challenge myself, and increase my skills. **


	11. Chapter 11

_******Okay so after this chapter the next few chapters are going to have a few huge parts and this is were everything really begins. Are you excited 'cause I know I am?! Also, sorry it's taken me forever to update. I've been so tired with school, the past two days I've taken six major tests and I just couldn't write. **_

_**Well, I hope you enjoy the chapter! Please check out the soundtrack it's updated. Tell me what you think please!**_

**http://www(dot)playlist(dot)com/playlist/13990851339**

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_**Epov**_

"Jane's at the door for you Edward," mother says politely, I can hear a sad smile accompany her tone as I know she's staring at father with hopeless eyes.

I turn away from fathers sleeping, ill form, and pass mother's cold, almost lifeless body and walk down the stairs to see Jane dressed in a flattering pink, simple dress hugging her small body down in the open doorway. Her cheeks are a dazzling red, and her milky skin never looked so smooth. Looking at her beauty I want to hold her in my arms; holding her tight, making sure she never leaves my side, but today it seemed as there were another world splitting us apart and even if we stood so close I felt like I would never be able to reach over and run a hand through her chestnut locks, or down the soft skin of her arms or back.

"Miss Walter, how are you this fine day?" I bow mockingly, taking in the lovely smell of roses that embodies her.

"Edward," her voice lets out a soft, frustrated growl. "You and I both know you can call me Jane when no ones around."

"Yes, but I believed I asked you a question and it would be considered impolite for you not to answer, Miss Walter."

Jane lets out a groan and stomps her foot childishly. "Edward, I'm having a good day, but your about to ruin it," Jane snaps impatiently. "Now are we going to go on that walk or not?"

"Well if you're going to be impatient about it"

"-Edward," she growled once more.

"Then yes! I would love to accompany you on a walk Jane."

I take Jane's offered arm into my own and she allows me to lead her down the street. We spent a good time of the walk enjoying the busy streets, blue filled skies, and cries of children and older adults. The sound of Jane's heels click against the hard stone and my shoes make a light click, not as notable as Jane's elegant shoes, but I'm still aware of the sound. We enter Humboldt Park from the North entrance and walk silently. This time I listen to the sound of Jane's shoes walk of a variation of rock, grass and stone, making there their light clicking noise.

In the large park of Humboldt, oversized, green leaves are growing upon the trees, couples are walking through the park minding their own business, some with children and others without. The sun is shinning and the warm rays of light seize down upon the open park, a warm breeze swims by. The smell of daisys and fresh grown grass rushed towards me, but it does not overpower Jane's smell of sweet roses.

It was here we spent most of our time. And now, walking down a private path I direct Jane off the path and lead her towards a large abundance of large oak trees. The brown dirt makes no noise, but the sound of Jane's skirts ruffles through the air. I lean against a dark tree trunk and watch Jane move her hands across a trunk of another tree, as if she were trying to memorize it's touch and feeling. She stood on the tips of her tiny toes and reached up to grab a few green leaves and I watch as her delicate white fingers tore them to shreds and threw them down to the dark dirt.

"I'm leaving," Jane's voice breaks the silence. She turns around and walks off further into the little forest of oak trees. I push off the tree and follow her thinking I've heard a mistake.

"I'm sorry I don't think I've heard you right." I say coming to Jane's side, my eyebrows raised in question. "You said you were," I struggle with my words. Trying to imagine Jane gone was impossible and saying it aloud was just as troublesome. "-you were leaving?"

"No mistake. Father's sending me to the country -California to be exact- to live with my aunt while the plague passes through Chicago." Her face remains emotionless.

"But, it's worldwide there is still a chance you can get it. Newspapers report it's just about everywhere," I stutter bewildered.

"-the chances are less there. Aunt lives alone and in the middle of nowhere," She swallows hard and continues, "I'm most likely not to get it if I leave, that's what father says and what father says I must do. No exceptions, no breaking of the rules."

"No!" I shout stopping and grabbing Jane's arm to stop her and turn her sharply my direction. "You can't leave me." I breathe, pulling Jane closer to myself. Her gray eyes meet mine and look down to ground.

"You can't leave me here without you; it'd be torturous," I continue, waiting for Jane to bring her eye's up to my level. She doesn't. "It'd be like, being stuck in white walled room; no light or freedom. I'm just caved in there... waiting for you. Dreaming of your return."

Jane pulls away from my grip and keeps her eye's on the ground, not daring to look me in the eye. "_Edward!_ You've only known me for three days, if not less and your proclaiming _your_ love to me already?"

"I never said I was in love with you," I interrupt. I take a step closer and run a hand through my hair. "I said being without you was like dieing inside or at least that's what I was trying to get to-"

"Oh! Same thing," she spat venomously towards me.

"Why do you object the idea of love then," I asked angered. She crossed her arms against her chest, and looked around the park forest awkwardly. "What is that scares you about, this?"

"Nothing scares me," she grumbled with displeasure. "Alright," she exhales, like I had tried to convince her of her secret. "You scare me."

I stare at her confused, but stay quiet. I'm unsure how to react to this, and I begin to wonder what I'm suppose to ask? I had given her no reason to fear me or believe I was a monster. Was it, I was being to forward? Should I of never said the things I had said earlier? I felt the hot blood coarse through my veins and pump towards my cheeks and carry it's way to my ears. I'm sure I'm as red as can be.

Jane gulps and takes a step closer to me. Nearly inches apart I can feel her warm, enchanting breath against my collarbone and I pause, my whole body freezes with the close pleasurable contact. "I'm scared of you," she whispers, "-because, you make me feel like I've never felt before, and it scares me knowing you for such a short time and wanting to be with you every hour of the day. It's scares me that if at this moment you asked me to runaway with you, I would. And this scares me because, I've never," Jane pauses and moves closer our eyes connect. My heart's beating increases largely. "wanted to be so close to someone," I look down at Jane's plump pink lips and look into her gray eyes."-As I have you," she finishes.

Immediately my lips clash with Jane's, my eyes close at the touch. The warm sensation fills my body and runs through every vain in my body. The taste of her lips is delicious, fresh and warm. As I recognize this fact, my heart pumps extra energy into my body, but I'm unaware of what to do with it, but it seems Jane does. She grabs the brim of my collar and pulls me closer in desperation. I place my hands awkwardly on Jane's hips, hoping I'm doing this all right and Jane won't shove me off. With relief she doesn't but instead her lips move against my own faster and almost out of control. My hand clasped the right of Jane's cheek and I am the one to pull her closely this time.

As the quick time passes Jane snakes her arms around my neck and plays with the my bronze hair, her lips still moving as fast as mine are. Feeling breathless -and might I add woozy- I being to pull away, but Jane clutches on to me. I laugh at her enthusiasm and successfully pull away from her tempting lips.

A breath of air, I find, is no where as close as good as the taste or feeling of Jane's lips against my own.

"Whatever this feeling is Edward," Jane mumbled through her newly swollen lips. "I enjoy it, very much."

I nodded my head and brought Jane closer to my chest, "Yes. So, don't leave me," I plead breathlessly against Jane's lips.

"No," she shakes her head. "I'm leaving and when it's time for my return we'll be together and happy."

"Jane," I exhale tirelessly. "What are you doing to me?" I felt ridiculous for asking this question, but I had no answer and my only hope is Jane does...

"I'm making you human," Jane points out. "Like we humans suppose to feel."

"Human, I like it." I nod my head in agreement.

"Yes, me too," Jane agrees. Her gray eyes radiate in the sunlight - glittering along with every word she says. She looks to the left, where the sun is setting, and says, "As much as I hate this. I have to go-"

I jumped in immediately, "Let me take you home safely." Jane's smile widens and her white teeth glisten in the last of the sunlight before she says, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I lead Jane out of the North park entrance and let her lead the way the two of us arm in arm. Jane stops outside a large brick building, the sound of music beats through the windows and I can see lights on in almost every room. She gestures to the house and says, "Well, this is my home, for the rest of the night at least." She turns to face me and intertwines her small fingers through mine. "I'm leaving in the morning Edward. Promise you'll wait for me and you'll stay healthy." Jane's hands clutch mine harder. Her beautiful gray eye's watch our hands. I stare at her thinking of anyway to make her stay with me, foolishly, I am incapable to think of a reason.

"I promise. Nothing will ever keep us apart. We'll be together forever," I say. I want to pull her closer to myself, but I restrain.

"I can't wait." Jane presses her pink lips against mine quickly and enters her house before I can say or do anymore.

I'm left alone.

_"You just know. No matter what I knew our souls meant to be together then. The moment I started dancing with him I got the tingles that are suppose to run through your body when you meet this so called "soulmate" or touch the "person". I'll never forget the moment and I'll **never** forget the feeling because that feeling still runs through my old bones today and that day- that day was the day I knew that we -your granfather and I- were suppose to be together, forever. That was the day I knew I was going to die by that man's side, have his children, lose weight with, and love forever. You know I even put up with that man calling me half-ton, and it's only because I love him and in this large world I knew he was the only one for me." _

_-My personal Grandmother's story. I kindly asked her to explain the first time meeting my granfather and she went into this amazing, hilarious, cliched, love story on e-mail. I thought it was very cute. P.s. my grandfather calls my grandmother half-ton for real, and she doesn't do anything! If I had a husband who called me half-ton I'd freak out. He'd be sleepin' in the dog house for sure!.... I don't how my grandmother does it.... Oh yeah, true love! ;)_

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**Well, there you have it. I have no idea when the next chapter will be out. I will tell you the next chapter will start out as a dream (again). It's my last dream scene, and it will be in Edward's POV. I'm very sorry about the EXOC, but if you know the plot you see how this all plays out and that this really isn't wrong at all. **

Anyways review with your favorite line and what you thought. Please be honest with me, I can take it. Just don't complain to much about the Jane thing I swear this will be a BELLAXEDWRAD story soon enough. Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

_**Okay, so people two days in a row again! Amazing, yes, I know. Your reactions on Jane leaving were amusing and yeah. Again please check out the profile with my play list and tell me what you think! The links on my pro if you scroll down a few times. Also there's an authors note at the bottom of this page and it's on my profile too. I thought it was kind of important. **_

_**Whoever Vampluvr45 is--- Thank you! I'm glad you like the story**_

_**CharmingAndInsane--- I'm glad you like Jane. She's one of my favorite Oc's I've created. I don't know why. I also found your reaction to her leaving hilarious!**_

_**I hope you like this chapter! **_

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_**Epov**_

The hallways were dark and gloomy; my vision was foggy and unclear, but I still kept trying. I gripped the hallway's wall for support as my world began to spin faster and faster, yet, I did not give up. "Jane," my hoarse voice called out into the silent, and lonely hallway. My knees collided with the foggy green tiles and I still held the wall in my support.

"Jane." I tried once more.

"Edward," A beautiful voice, I recognized as Jane's, called back. The smell of roses burned my nostrils and then she,-unlike the rest- was not blurred in my vision, appeared in front of me. I could see every little detail about her. I closed my eyes and even in this dream I could feel the dream-like exhaustion fill my eyes and drag them down.

A cold hand gripped my chin and held my face up to hers. Her beautiful features I imagined were clean and solid. I opened my tired eye's just to check, her chestnut-colored hair streamed down her back and her milky skin was an almost deadly pale and her pink lips were a red. "It's alright now," she soothed softly as she brought a pale finger to my temple and ran her finger down the side of my cheek, to my chin and stopped. I closed my eyes.

"Here you go," Jane said. She slid a leather item into my hands and kissed my cheek with her cold lips. She moved her lips to my other cheek and finally brought them down to my lips. The warm feeling filled my body again, but this brought no energy to me like the first kiss had done. I was left with no energy to kiss back like I had wished and would of done at any moment. "I'll _always_love you," she cried lowly. "We'll be together soon, but the only way is this way." Her cold breath exhaled faintly. "This is for forever together. I love you Edward Masen and I promise we'll be together soon enough. You've just got to wait for me as I will you."

"I 'ill," I said weakly my energy decreasing my the second. She sadly giggled, "I know you will."

"I love you Edward," I felt Jane kiss my now numb lips. "Never forget that. Now open your eyes."

I had expected to see Jane's perfect face crouching in front of me, but instead I stood in a evergreen forest, surrounded by countless numbers of the same trees and small shrubs. Sunless clouds leaked through the top of the branches. I could see partials of dust and dirt flow through the air through the warm breeze and without warning, a noise broke out through my head and my throat began to burn.

Many voices infiltrated my mind, running through my brain. I clutched my head and with my best effort I attempted to ignore and throw away the voices that had taken over my very thoughts.

My yell broke over the voices, but they did not quiet. I took a deep breath, though it felt like I did not need it, and tried to calm myself, letting the voice fill a soundless part of my _human_ mind.

The voices disappeared as fast as they appeared, but the hungry, burning sensation filled my throat. I clutched my eyes shut and listened to everything that was going on around me and tried to ignore the now fiery pain in my throat, but it unlike my mind it could not be ignored.

I allowed my sense's to take over, they seemed to know what they were doing.

Following a scent of citrus, I hopped over tree trunks and came to a clearing and stopped in mid-step. Not far from where I stood, in the edge of the clearing, was a women I easily recognized as Jane, on her knees, soaked in blood. I ignored her strange clothing a took a slow step forward.

As if Jane had heard me she looked up and observed myself her facial features look almost stunned. As quick as possible I found myself launching my way over to Jane and I stand not, but five feet from her. She gasps at my speed and stands up on her shoe less feet; her eyes travel my body form.

I take this time to look over Jane. She looks the same, but more graceful, her features more toned and sharp. Her eyes are large and brown opposed to the normal gray eyes, but I found even soaked in blood she looked positivity beautiful, stunning even.

"Edward," she mumbles, the sound of disbelief leaves traces in the air. She takes a step closer and I repeat, but increase the size of my stride. She collides with my chest and I bring her closer, holding her tightly to my body. Her arms are thrown over my neck and my arms are wrapped against her waist squeezing tightly. I take notice in her embrace that she no longer smells of roses, but of strawberrys. It fits her new look well, I conclude.

"Jane," I mumbled, snuggling deeper into her hair. She pushes off me and sobs one word, "No!" and is gone. In her place sits the journal.

Two hands shake me ruffly, waking me up from my nightmare. I sit up immediately and see my mother's crying face, tears stream down her face slowly.

"Your father," she shrieks running out the door. "Edward," she calls. "Please come help your father!"

I push out of bed and run to my parents bedroom. The room smells of blood and waste, but I ignore it and run towards my father's choking body. His shirt, sheets and face are covered in crimson red blood. A drop of blood slowly leaks from his nostrils and crimson blood washes out of his mouth.

I turn franticly towards the women that have gathered in the room. Two of them are supporting my crying mother, the other two are watching my father with fear in showing in their eyes. "Call a Doctor! Anyone," I shout at the not moving women. My throat swells as I hold back tears. "Please someone call on anyone to help," I cry. Warm tears run down my face and I'm left to comfort father in his struggling moments.

Father looks as if to be in a struggle for air. His face is tinted red, and blue. The veins in his arms are strained and he continues to cough pools of blood for a few more minutes.

Then it's silent.

"No," I cry out. I hear mother cry harder against the two pair of women, but I don't leave Father's side. "No, please," I whisper franticly.

Two strong arms pull me away from father and push me back towards mother, where she collapses into my arms, crying large sobs. Tears pour out her eyes and I hold her tight. Letting her tears stain my night shirt.

"I'm so sorry for your lose, Mrs. Masen," a soft voice calls out to my mother. A cold hand is placed on my shoulder right after. "I'm sorry son."

I shift the hand from my arm and hold my mother tightly. "Thank you sir, but you are?" I don't look at the man as I said this.

He clears his throat and apologizes before introducing himself, "Oh excuse me, but where are my manners." It was a statement, not a question. "I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen. One of your maids called on me about your-," He paused as if bringing up the thoughts of Father were going to have mom cry any harder. "I suggest we get out of here. I'll call someone to take care of your father, while you handle your family."

Standing up, mother grips my shirt tightly. "Come on we have to leave the room," I whispered into mothers ear through her tangled hair. Mother stood up straight, but never lets go of me. I lead her to my room and laid her down on my bed, I pulled up my chair, and petted my mother's bronze-colored strands of hair.

"My heart's broken, Edward," Mother mumbled. "I knew this was coming, but it hurts so much to lose him." Her voice cracks. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"We're going to work on this together," I whispered through the silent house. "We're still the Masen's and nothings going to change that fact."

"Yes darling I know. We're the Masen: The only two left." A tear rolled down mom's cheek.

I shook my head and sighed heavily. "Don't say that. Me and Jane we're going to get married have children and they'll all have the name Masen," I reassured her. "At that point you'll have many Masen's running around- it just might take some time."

Mother gave me a sad smile. "What if I don't make it that long, Sweetheart?"

"No mother you will-"

"- Do not tell me you haven't noticed Edward? I'm sick," she gulped. "I'm going to be with your father soon but," she placed a hand on my cheek. "You, you're going to be with Jane or whoever makes you happy and you're going carry on the Masen name forever and you're going to live a happily ever after."

"We'll get by this together." I took mother's hand in mine and held it in my own. "You'll live happily watching your grandchildren grow up nice in a perfectly civilized world."

"Your right." She whispered. "I'll be watching you and with your father."

What felt like hours later, mother fell asleep with tear stained cheeks. Her sleeping face was anywhere from peaceful or comfortable. "Edward," She mumbled in her sleep, before turning away from me.

Light cracks through my window as the sun rises, and it's hot rays land on the journal. I arise and grab the journal from the desk. The regular questions of Bella run through my head. The question I found asking myself every time I was about to write in the journal: Who is this Isabella Swan?

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_I fear I shall never meet you. _

_I know I will never meet you. _

_But this I must tell you. As your elder, I know that love may seem like a nearly impossible thing, or as a challenge. Maybe, you think it's suppose to hurt you, but take in my words and never fear love, because it is one of the most amazing feelings and to lose it to anyone, hurts. May it be a family member or your own one. That person that makes you feel amazing, let this be a warning to hold them tight and don't let go. It hurts your very soul. _

_-Edward Masen_

_"And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you."_

_-Colin Raye_

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_**So I only have about ten or so (maybe more) more chapters to go until the end... It's very sad. I usually would laugh when an author would say "it's sad to stop writing", but it's a very serious feeling. I will miss it very much. Although I do have a few more ideas and I do want to finish my other stories. Inywoo, here are some of my ideas--**_

_**1). Write HBTF again, but this time without Jane. Instead it's a mainstream focus on Edward and Bella with the journal. It won't so twisty, but it will have A LOT of fluff. Since there from entirely different times I can't be physical or anything like THAT. So yeah, I want to do that really bad. I'm thinking of calling it, What We're Hiding. **_

_**2). Bella a struggling mother of one at age 23 can not support herself or her 5 year old child, Tristan, in the city of Chicago. Unless she sells herself at night and works at Unique, a small coffee shop downtown in the daytime where she meets dazzling vampire Edward Cullen, who's getting coffee with some family members. In this thrilling romance read as Bella struggles to pay the bills, keep her secret, and hide young Tristan from the too adult world. BellaXEdward. It's going to be called, Smiling Swine or The Pimp and the Priest. They're going to be based off a musical group "The Dear Hunters". If you listen or look up the lyrics you'll understand why the stories is based off of them. They are amazing and they're music is SO good.**_

_**- I know it's very different and I've already started to write. It's very serious. It will be rated T for language and sexual references etc. It won't focus on Bella's night job as much as it probably should, but it's hard to write or possibly imagine. Also, I'm bringing in JACOB!! I'm so excited. Anyways here's a quick preview--**_

"_No," I ushered. I placed a small warm hand on Edwards cold arm. He flinched as a reaction and my arm snapped to my side. _

"_Sorry," he apologized._

"_See there you go again you're being too nice! I was the one to touch and you apologized!"_

"_Bella I was trying to be nice-"_

"_Well just stop being nice and say something mean for once in your perfect life!"_

"_Fine," Edward said. "You call this supporting yourself? Your apartment is a piece of trash, you can hardly buy any clothes for Tristan or yourself and you sell yourself to men at night! Do you call that supporting yourself?"_

_My body froze. I knew I had never told Edward about my "special" job so..."How'd you about that?" _

_Edward's lips pressed into a hard line. He turned his head towards the passing by the large groups of people. I watched his strong features freeze as if he was having a hard time explaining this situation or coming up with an excuse. "How. Did. You know, Edward," I said between clutched teeth. _

_His side turned head sunk down a little, his strong features freezing in a look that read "guilty". _"_I followed you," He breathed as if he was telling a dark secret. "It was so hard for me knowing what that man was going to do to you and you just let it happen-"_

"_Like I do every night I'm out there," I reasoned. _

"_Bella, your so much better than that. Your smart beautiful and talented. What-"_

"_I never finished high school, that's what! I was kicked out of both of my houses, I had no money and baby coming with no father to support it."_

"_..Bella if I knew that-"_

"_No! Stop! I don't need your opinion, pity or anyones for that matter."_

_**Your opinions matter so much to me guys so tell me what you think of my idea. Please and Thank you! Should I write it or not? Oh! Your favorite line too please! Any of the chapters if you've never read this before.**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Hey guys! So this would be my third day updating in a row! Wow I know, amazing and rare. I didn't go to school today 'cause I was sick with a really bad cold and I can't sleep, eat or talk, but my fingers and brain are in perfect condition. Enough in fact to have me start writing right now. Oh and I've written the first chapter to Smiling Swines, a Twilight story. The previews on the previous page and it's good. I might add something, but I won't post it for about another two weeks or as soon as I finish this story which will be soon! Also, check out the play list for the story. URL's on chapter 11 and the links on my profile if you scroll down a bit. **_

**So enjoy the chapter!**

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_**Bpov**_

"I don't feel the way I've ever felt.

I know.

Gonna smile and not get worried.

I try but it shows."

-Pain by Jimmy Eat World

Charlie hung the photo in the hall, next to a picture of me and him fishing one year when I was younger, age six at the least. The picture hung right next to the kitchen doorway and I was forced to look at it every time. Thinking of Edward and journal every time I came to fix dinner for Charlie. At first I never thought it would bother me-I mean why would it? It was just a school photo I had happened to find in the box containing Edward and his parents pictures.

But now cooking for Charlie, or eating was unsatisfying with the thoughts of Edward running in my mind.

Edward and Jane.

Jane and Edward.

That was all that ran through my mind now and not only did I feel possessive over Edward, but I felt anger rush through my veins. This "perfect" women, Jane, was with him. Watching his enchanting features. While I occasionally got a message in a journal.

She had the positive of this situation.

"Bella," Charlie greeted. "Hey, can you take this to my room? I have to call someone really quick." Charlie held out his laundry basket and grabbed the phone from the receiver.

I nodded my head and gave Charlie a half smile before jogging up the stairs to Charlie's room. His room, was simple and square. White walled, with white bed sheets and a large green comforter lying across the bed. His furniture was the color of dark oak and the floors were a gray carpet. His new work uniform sat in his black chair and a few boxes were pilled high in the corner. I set the laundry basket down on the floor and ran out of the room.

"Yeah. I just don't know what to do anymore... She's different then the last time," Charlie's phone conversation continued. I stopped on the third step and strained to hear who Charlie was talking about.

"Billy there's not much I can do. She spends most of her time in her room. No. No. Well, no. Billy what are you thinking? Billy," Charlie sighed. "I just don't know what to do with Bella it's just not the same anymore. Well, I understand she's not young anymore, but I don't think she likes me."

I brought a hand to my mouth to stop from sobbing out loud and carried myself up the steps to my room. Once, I was where no one could hear me I threw myself down on the bed and cried into my pillow. I felt miserable, for making Charlie feel that way, for knowing I was never going to meet Edward, for knowing I could of possibly messed up any future relationship with my father.

I cried harder then I did the night I found out about Jane and I didn't care. I let out heartbreaking cries and cuddled into the two arms that had gathered around me. The scent of old spice clogging my nostrils. "Bella," Charlie's gruff voice soothed. I sat up and cried into Charlie's chest. He tensed against my sudden movement. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Awkwardly, Charlie wrapped a arm around my waist and petted my head with the other hand. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Me," I sniffled like a young child. I had stopped crying, but the feeling of Charlie's hold was comforting.

"Oh no Bella nothings wrong with you." Charlie shook his head and continued to pet my head.

I shook my head furiously up and down against Charlie's blue shirt. "Yes, there's something wrong with me."

"What could possibly be wrong with you."

"I'm crazy," I answer.

"We all are."

"Not like I am."

"How are you crazy."

I took a deep breath and contemplated over telling Charlie about the journal and Edward. ".. I can't tell you."

"Then how are we going to solve this problem," Charlie asked as if I was a young child who might of scraped a knee and now had a burning cut.

"I don't know," I respond.

"Bella this is childish."

"I am your child," I pointed out.

"Bella," Charlie says trying to act stern. His voice floated in the air a few more seconds before I let my self answer the call.

"Yes?"

"I'm serious. What is wrong with you- that you'll tell me about."

I lifted my head from Charlie's chest and looked into his eyes, "I'm ruining everything for you dad. I mean, you were happy for me to move here. Now you don't seem so happy and I just feel like it's all my fault for making you feel this way. I should be spending time with you, but I'm not."

"That's not your fault Bella. I'm sure this move is a big change for you and your mother and you have that," he stopped for a second. "That bond."

"I think it's the mother daughter bond dad," I laughed and Charlie joined in.

"Yeah, well, is there a father daughter bond?"

I smile widely and rub my wet cheeks with the back of my green shirts sleeve, "I think this might be it. Just being comfortable with you and being able to talk about certain stuff."

"Yes, but do you have to sit in my lap every time?" Charlie asks, blushing a bright tint of red. I laugh at the question and move off of Charlie's lap and sat next to him on my bed. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything," Charlie asks. I gave Charlie a small smile and looked down to my lap, where my hands are neatly positioned. "No," I finally answer him.

"Well," Charlie slaps his hands on his jean covered legs and stands up. "If you ever need to talk, about anything, I'm here for you. You know that?"

"I know dad. Thanks," I smile and wave as Charlie leaves. "By the way Bells." Charlie grins. "Maybe, you should write in your diary- or whatever you girls call them these days-. Billy says it's suppose to help, but I'm not sure if I should take Billy's word for it." He winked at me, before closing the door.

I fell back on my bed and stared at my ceiling. One half of my brain screamed at me to get my journal and write back to Edward. Pretend to be happy and read his continuous rantings of his love. While the other half tried to grasp the meaning of this situation and come up with the smartest choice.

No doubt it would pick not talking to Edward.

_Do it_, a voice chanted. _One peek could never break your heart. _

Besides it's already shattered, I thought in a flat voice.

My eyes jumped back and forth between the journal and the lap. My brain argued with itself, going back and forth between right and wrong, good and bad so on and so on. With all of this I began to think of comic books and superheros.

They were always given the choice between good or evil and they always chose the good, even if it was bad for them. None, of them ever went to the bad side, (and if they did. They usually came back to the good side) why? I'm sure someone else would say the good side was the bad side, as people see political parties, so was there ever a good or bad side? Or were we creating a illusion or in other words an excuse to why we chose that certain choice? And if we were creating this "excuse", then there would be no good or bad things about this situation. So, in conclusion I could read the journal, but still be on the illusionary "good side" because this good side, bad side thing wasn't real.

I smiled triumphantly and sat up against my headboard. I reached out for the journal. No guilt twisting through my stomach, and opened it up to the second page where Edward's gorgeous handwriting was found.

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_I fear I shall never meet you._

_I know I will never meet you._

_But this I must tell you. As your elder, I know that love may seem like a nearly impossible thing, or as a challenge. Maybe, you think it's suppose to hurt you, but take in my words and never fear love, because it is one of the most amazing feelings and to lose it to anyone, hurts. May it be a family member or your own one. That person that makes you feel amazing, let this be a warning to hold them tight and don't let go. It hurts your very soul._

_-Edward Masen_

I took my _green_ pen from my nightstand desk and began writing.

_Dear Ed,_

_I think it's safe to assume you lost someone, right? You don't have to write back to confirm my assumption, but I must say I'm sorry. You must of loved them very much and I know by reading this entry I'm only making it harder for you. I honestly don't mean to make you upset if I do. Maybe, you want to talk about it? I don't really know. I've never been very good when it comes to death. _

_You can always talk to me. I promise not to tell a single soul, not that there is anybody I can tell._

_- Bella Swan_

_PS. Thanks for the advice, but I think the meaning of love has changed over the century._

My finger's felt numb as I finished writing. I let the journal settle on my lap and out stretched my fingers, wanting the feeling to go away.

_Bella?_ Edwards handwriting appeared. I held in a gasp and began writing. The numb feeling in fingers was suddenly gone.

_Yes?_

_Amazing._ He wrote. I tried to imagine his face in awe, as I read this.

_What is?_

_This!_

_Yeah, we're talking. Don't we always do that?_

_Not directly, like we are at the moment'_

_Well, I don't think anything can phase me after all thats happened._

_Whats happened to you?_

_Things magically appear where they're not suppose to be, weird dreams_, I wrote bitting down on my bottom lip at the same time.

_Dreams? Of?_

I gripped the pen tightly in my hand before writing_, You._

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**Ah ha! So more of the conversation if I update tomorrow and I hope you liked the chapter. I know it was a little slow, but things are kind of speeding up in Edward's time. I've got to even it out. I've had there next conversation planned forever, so I can't wait to get that chapter out soon and please review. You don't have to leave me your favorite line (I'd like that though), but instead- do whatever. Predict what you think they might talk about, what's going to happen. **

**How do you want it to end? **

**How it's going to end?**

**If I like some of your answers I might use it in my next chapter!!! I have it all planned out, but I do want to make it something I can have readers participate in. **


	14. Chapter 14

_**Okay I have a super long authors note. Only because I got three nameless reviewers and I just want to thank you guys out there!**_

AMAZING- Wow. Really thank you so much and I'll try to get better...colds do suck. I don't know about original. I have been pointed out that there is a story like mine on here, but it was original for myself when I began writing it or at least when it was running through my mind. As for your questions I guess most of them will be answered this following chapter.

InsanityisFUN!!!!- That is one of my favorite lines in the chapter also. Only because it holds the truth -" I don't think anything can phase me after all thats happened"- to that non-real situation.

Nienz9- Yep. I kind of based it off Internet chatting, but you know it's a journal. I've wanted to make this story as imaginable as possible. Although that seems highly unlikely due to the fact that Bella & Edward are talking through a journal, in different times. But carrying on, it seems likely that this would happen between two people in their situation. Well, thank you!

**All the rest of you guys are amazing, really! So enjoy the chapter and Review!**

**IMPORTANT~-_~-_~-_~-_~-_~-Ps. Readers this is mostly journal talking. It's the thing of the past and the present..... (haha.... come on people that one was funny... okay maybe not.)**

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_**Bpov**_

"**We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken." **

**-Fydor Dostoevsky**

_What do you mean? _The words appeared on the old page. I gulped and automatically regretted my decision to tell Edward that I was dreaming about him. My heart beat raced as I placed the pen on the page, but no words came. Movements in my arm felt nearly impossible.

My arm felt as if it was stone, really, _really_ heavy stone.

_Bella? Please write back. _

_Okay. I had this dream about you and Jane. At least I think it was her._

_Describe her, _He commanded. I thought back to the dream in the hallway. Jane's beautiful features flashed violently in my mind, the memory almost as vivid as the dream.

_Long chestnut hair, gray eyes, pale skin and she smelled like roses, _I wrote down quickly.

_That sounds like her. _

_Well she's haunting my dreams_

_As am I?_

_Yes._

_Is that all I get?_

I bit my tongue hard before writing again_, Yes. _

_You're not going to tell me about your dream?_

_Honestly the dream doesn't matter._

_It matters to me. _

_Why? cause it's a dream about you?_

_Not only that, but it might tell us something about this journal situation. Why were able to communicate to each other._

_It's a meaningless dream it won't explain much, _I explained

_What is in this dream that you don't want to tell me about? _

_Nothing!_

_For some odd reason I can't believe you Isabella. _

_Yes odd indeed._

_Bella your being childish_

_I've been told that a few times today. _

_I can't believe I'm arguing with a journal!_

_You're not arguing with a journal! You're arguing with me._

_How would I really know?_

_I can send you a picture!_

_I'd love to see that!_

_Fine. _I sat up and stomped over to my desk, and swiped the picture and stomped back over to "Edward" and the journal. I took a deep breath and folded the picture in half and stuffed it in between the pages and slammed the journal shut.

And then I opened it up.

**Epov**

She was so irritating, I concluded, wanting to throw my journal across the room. The dream couldn't have been that bad, unless, well it was a more private dream then of course it was worth hiding, but this- was unsophisticated for an almost fully grown women. It could of helped us solve this situation, whether we were mental or not.

_I can't believe I'm arguing with a journal!_ I wrote in a sloppy scribble.

_You're not arguing with a journal! You're arguing with me._

_How would I really know?_

_I can send you a picture!_

_I'd love to see that!_

_Fine._ She wrote in a single word and nothing more.

I waited a few moments for the journal to react and send me a picture of Isabella Swan. As seconds passed my palms began to sweat, my nerves began to act up and I could feel my gut twist and turn, and collide with my other body parts and jump up and down throughout my body. My throat began to itch and the heat of the room began to increase. Mother's soft snores filled the room and I was aware of every noise, including my heart beat, in the house.

At this moment I realized I was finally going to meet 'The Isabella Swan'. Maybe, not in person, but I was going to see the women I had wanted to meet for some time.

_Edward_, the words appeared. _It won't go. The picture,_ she clarified_. Its just laying between the pages_

_It won't?_

_No. Do you have your journal closed? Maybe, they both need to be closed for it to work._

_Alright I'll try, _I wrote before closing the journal.

The house was silent. No noises were made from the journal, or mother who was sleeping in my bed besides me. I counted to twenty backwards in my mind and occasionally out loud in a low whisper not loud enough to wake mother. There was a large thump from the room down the hall, fathers old room, and I could hear the maids loud sighs, gags and depressed cries and then it was silent except for the sounds of footsteps and shuffling of sheets and a few clambers of feet on the stairs.

_"seven.. six.. five.. four.. three.. two.. one!"_

I grabbed the journal and opened to the selected page. A white, single, folded sheet fell out of the journal to the floor. I sat down on the floor, my back leaning against the side of my bed, mother's soft snores sound in my ear. I reached forward and snatched the photo that was still folded in half.

_**Bpov**_

I opened the blank, photoless journal. The journal was clasped in my hands waiting for Edwards message. What if he didn't like how I looked, I began to wonder. What if I was considered bad looking to Edward, or mere and plain. A boring colorless canvas and nothing more. Sure, he would see the details, but they'd be blurred together, forming one big picture of a blob- a colorless, boring blob.

Why did I care so much?

_Do you think this is funny?_ The words appeared on the journal. I looked down at the journal confused. I knew I gave him a picture of myself and nothing else. Maybe he did find me a joke.

_No. It's a picture of myself. Why, is it funny,_ I wrote. Tears threating to fall from my eyes.

_If you think impersonation's funny, then, yes this is rather hilarious. _

_Impersonation? What are you writing about._

_Jane! You sent me a colored picture of Jane. I don't know how, but trust me I will find out! _I read the journal confused. Me, look like Jane. I think not. She was so much more poised, and graceful looking. Her cheek bones weren't a colorless patch of skin. Her fair-colored skin was more comforting, smooth and soft.

_Edward thats a picture of me and I can prove that. _

_And just how?_

_Charlie has more pictures of me. They're all over the house. _

_Let me see them now!_ He commanded.

At this command, I ran to Charlie's room and straight to his dresser. On top where pictures from past visits and years. I grabbed one of me and Charlie at a Mariners game three years ago. I was dressed in a Mariners cap and a navy blue jacket. Charlie stood in team colors, an arm wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer, one arm outstretched obviously holding the camera to take the picture. I took another one of me and Billy Black down my the river, a fishing rod was in my hand and a fish in his.

I ran to my room and stuffed the photos into the journal, closed the journal and opened it up again and waited for another reply.

_The similarity is amazing,_ he wrote.

_Edward,_ I wrote, trying to reason with him. _Me and Jane do not look alike. I've drempt of her and she looks like an angel. I'm noting compared to that._

_Bella, I don't know what to say or believe anymore, but I know to ignore that comment about yourself. _

I ignored the complement. Not truly believing him before writing, _Really? Maybe we should start a group meetings session for people who can talk to people from a different time through a journal, but you know- their confused because one of them might look like someone the other one knows. You just have to come up with the name and we can get it started._

The words appeared,_ Dazed and Confused?_

I giggled lightly and began to scribbled down something quickly_, No. That has a different meaning now in my time._

_How about 'you look like an angel Bella'._ Something gave me the feeling he was thinking of Jane as he wrote that.

_Your only naming the club that because Jane looks like an angel and I supposedly look like her. Which I don't. _

_You do really. Trust me I have memorized Jane._ My gut tossed with jealousy, he had memorized Jane, of course he had.

_Alright, lets say I do look like Jane. Why?_

_Maybe your related distantly._ He suggested.

It made sense in mind, yet, it didn't feel right. _Maybe, I'll look it up on the Internet._

_Internet?_

_Modern technology. It wouldn't make any sense if I attempted to tell you about it._

Edward didn't write anything and neither did I for a few minutes. I thought of all the things to say, write, and nothing came to mind, but I didn't want to stop talking so I brought up the topic of his last entry. Not thinking it would make a difference. Man, was I wrong.

_Edward,_ I wrote slowly. _You never answered my entry._

_Dear Isabella Swan,_ appeared on the page. I smirked down at the page and waited for his entry.

_My memory has well, it has failed me. All I can remember from your previous entry was your assumption, of losing someone. Which was correct. I was dreaming, I think, when it happened. Mother woke me up and rushed me to father's room. I'm not sure if you know the affects of the influenza, but it's horrible. Father, for his last moments looked to be in a struggle for air, he was trying to clear blood from his lungs. I will never forget the sight. I know it will forever haunt my dreams for many nights._

_Its hard to think about. To imagine dieing in such a cruel manner and then that gets me wondering, what did my father ever do to deserve such an ungrateful death? He was a good Christan, a good husband and father, he was always the best when he had tried. So what did he do to deserve it?_

_I've considered all of the sins he could of possibly committed, but none should add up to dieing like that. And it has left mother heartbroken, and now she's talking about her soon to arrive death. Bella, I think she has it too and this scares me. Having father gone was enough, but mother I don't think I could live without her in my life. She meant so much to me and she was the one who gave me this journal and lead me to you and that has been an amazing experience. I'm sure if you lived in my time we'd make great friends. My mother would love you, I know that. _

_-Edward Masen_

I don't know what happened after that. I felt the need to comfort Edward, tell him everything was going to be okay. I'd let him cry on my shoulder, but there was that time barrier blocking us from ever being able to see each other, alive at the most. I don't know what broke it for me though, maybe it was the fact that I could no longer take insanity as I had been able to for the past few days, or maybe it was because at that very moment I felt something nearly impossible jump around me. I saw the world a brighter place in that split second of feeling and then at that very moment- I knew I had fallen in love with someone I could never be with, someone who died almost a century ago. At that point and large beam of light I knew I had fallen in love with Edward Masen and I hated it.

I hated the feeling of being in love with Edward. I hated the way when I thought of him, my palms would sweat and the questions of him and Jane would run through my mind. I couldn't stand the jealousy that came with it or the knowledge of knowing I couldn't be with him, ever. There was no way he was coming back a reincarnation, of something better, and just for me.

My throat began to swell, as I tried to hold back burning tears that threatened to pour out of my eyes and as I put the pen down on the old, journal page and began to write. I didn't feel what I'd thought I'd feel at this moment of realization, but maybe I was going through heartbreak too.

_Dear Edward,_

_I don't know what to write anymore or if I should write anymore._

_You scare me. _

_-Isabella Swan _

I stared at the entry a second longer before signing my name and waiting for a faithful answer, but instead I got one word: _Why?_

_1). You make me feel like I've never felt before and I don't even know you. 2). You die, we can never be together or meet. 3). I'll never be able to hold your hand or comfort you and after reading your entry that's all I want to do. 4). I just want to be close to you, but how can that be when when your a century away. _

_After I read your reply I'm not going to write anymore. I'm not going to read your pleas and I'm going to try and attempt to forget who you are and my feelings for you. I'm going to act like you never existed so that I can live a normal life in the 2008 and have normal kids, and a husband my age. That is if I do have any of that._

_Edward Masen, I think I might be in love with you and I hate it. I will never hate you, because I know that will be impossible, but I hate the feeling of knowing I'm never going to comfort you, or run a hand through your hair or just see you alive and young. You might not feel this way, your heart might not be breaking. Why would it, we know nothing about each other? But I want you to know that even though you don't love me and my heart might never fully recover from you, it wasn't your fault. _

_-Isabella Swan_

A tear leaked from the corner of my eye and on to the page of the journal, beneath where I had signed. I closed the journal and counted back from two hundred waiting for Edwards reply, before making and oath to never cry over Edward Anthony Masen again.

"**Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk past you again?"**

**-Unknown**

"**If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will."**

**-Unknown**

"**When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you."**

**-unknown**

"**It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp."**

**-unknown**

"**Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."**

**-Neil Gaiman**

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_**Love it? Hate it? Let me know. Also, I couldn't resist, so my preface for Smiling Swines is posted. I seriously won't post chapter 1 it for another week! Oh and what did you think of the last quote. I thought it went well with Bella's feelings of hating love. So, What do you think is going to happen next? What will Edward think and what about Jane. Wait till tomorrow ('cause I don't have school!!!) for an update with this next thrilling chapter! **_

_**Okay I want your real feelings. Are you sad, mad, (oddly) happy, tearful, or unaffected because you believe in happy endings. Please readers I want to know so, review with your favorite (there is a lot to pick from) line and your predictions are. How do you want to end and all of that junk!**_

_**You people put there are fabulous and I really love all of the support I get from you guys!**_

_**Ps. for those of you wanting something about the dream in here it will be in Edwards entry don't worry next chapter. READ my new story Smiling Swines and review!**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**HEY! Fifth day updating in a row and I still have a cold, but I'm able to do things like, talk so I've been having an okay day. Anywho, this chapter will be a shocker....... I can not wait for your reactions! This is one of the last few Bella POV chapters (if I don't add a little in the next chapter) for a few more chapters. The next will be Edwards POV. **_

_**I cried writing this. I don't cry when I write so you know this is filled with emotions. Also listen to 'Almost Lover' by A Fine Frenzy while you read this. It fits so perfectly. PS. BELLA IS OOC in this chapter. Sorry, I think. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't any lines from New Moon. Blah blah blah... you know the rest. **_

**_Hope you like the chapter!_**

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_**Bpov**_

"Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do"

-Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

_Dear Isabella Swan, _

_It was you. In my dream. The night, tonight, of fathers death I was awaken from a dream. I mistaken you for Jane in the dream. I should have known then, but I didn't. There were so many differences, but I was too blind to notice. I don't know how sorry I can say I am to even call you Jane in a dream or to say that I'm not in love with you as you are for me and I do not wish this to hurt you any further, so I think it would be best if we stopped writing. Without me you can live a normal life, be a normal person with normal people your age. And without you I can carry on my life with Jane and carry on the Masen name forever in my mothers request. _

_I'll never forget you, know that, but we are two different people. You're from the year 2008, and I am stuck here in 1918. Nothing will change this and I have gripped that fact tightly and held it in my mind every time I wrote to you in this journal. I do not expect a reply, I never will ask one of you. I have taken too much already, and I'm so sorry to have made you feel this way. _

_Do not hate love because of me and don't stray from your feelings you might have for others. Fall in love, live a happily ever after with your prince charming. And do not- Do not I beg of you think of me when your chances come. Forget me like you have planned and do not hold back from the wonders of life. _

_It will be as if I'd never existed._

_- Edward Masen_

The purple pen, and two pictures fell from the journal and my heart dropped with them. I stood there in the middle of my room, and stared down at the words that had broken my heart, torn it into two and fell to the floor, dead. I fell to my knees, softly, and thought of all the things I could of been doing at this very moment or all of the other times I had spent wasting over a man who would never say he loved me. For a man who never wanted to hold me in his arms and tell him everything was going to be alright. I thought of all the times I had wasted in my room, or the amount of hairs I pulled because of _him_.

I didn't care for the fact that we had the same dream, or that he was sorry, but I cared for the fact that he didn't fight for me, or plea for me to keep writing. It broke my heart to know I will never be loved by him. Although, I had known this, it still hurt to discover and to know that there are greater things out there- for him at least.

_It will be as If I'd never existed._ The words etched into my mind.

I sure hope so.

* * *

_Three Miserable Weeks Later_

"Bella," mother whined into the phone. "Your just not the same anymore. For the past three weeks all you've sounded like is a- a robot." She sighed heavily. "Please tell me what is wrong with you."

"Nothing," I snapped.

"What is _wrong_ with _you_? You've never acted like this with me or Phil," Mom said, sounding disgusted. I could at this very moment see mom standing in the kitchen doorway of my old home leaning against the white wood, her fingers caressing her brow, and her eyes are clutched shut. Of course the phones in her hand pressed against her tan cheek. "Is it _him _again, sweetheart" she asked wearily.

"Wha- No!"

Charlie's head came into view, he looked at me with both eyebrows raised, his forehead creased a bit and a curious look playing on his face. He mouthed the words, "_are you okay?" _to me and I nodded my head and rolled my eyes to signal mom was being, well, she was bringing up a tough subject for I. Charlie gave me a glance of uncertainly before slipping back into the living room to do what he was doing before.

"Bella, honestly what has gotten into you for the past three weeks," mom questioned sounding like she was held in defeat.

"I don't know what your talking about. I'm absolutely fine. Chicago's nice, and my heart isn't broken," I listed my lies. It sounded better to lie to myself and pretend that Edward had not broken my heart, or taken half of my soul through the journal. It just sounded better to pretend he never left, or that he never wrote to me in a journal. It felt better to lie to myself about the situation.

_It will be as If I'd never existed._

"My God Bella! Your being Childish!"

"Why does everybody keep telling me this?!" I questioned annoyed and angry before slamming the phone down to the counter and storming off to my bedroom. Where I had been spending most of my time since the incident three weeks ago. "Bella?" Charlie called to me.

"Yes," I groaned. I was on the third step to the second, when Charlie's foot steps approached me rapidly.

"What's up with you and your mom?" He asked. He looked from the kitchen, no doubt the phone, to me.

"We just got into a little fight that's all," I mumbled, still angry from the conversation earlier.

Charlie was quiet for a few seconds. He looked down at the floor and shifted from foot to foot.

"Dad?" Charlie looked up from the floor and looked at me with hopeful eyes.

Lazily, I pointed a finger up the stairs and asked, "Can I go now?" Charlie waved a hand at me dismissively and bobbed his head up and down, reluctantly and turned away from me. I tore my eyes from Charlie and started up the stairs again.

"Bella, wait," he requested. I turned my body to face him, my hand gripped the stair rail. My chocolate brown eyes felt cold and hard against Charlie's nervous body.

"Yeah?"

"You're looking a little pale," he commented, raising a lazy hand in my direction. He exhaled darkly and looked around the small room.

"I'm always pale dad," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," He shook his head. "I know that, but- You look paler then normal. Maybe- maybe you should go on a walk around the block. Get some sun," he suggested, though it didn't feel like a suggestion, but more like a command hidden in the undertone of a suggestion. I pretended not to notice. I shook my head and to say "no" polity as possible.

"Yes, you do," Charlie said firmly.

"No I don't," I said, thrown off balance at Charlie's sudden and new voice.

"Bella you can't just sit in your room hiding from the world," he preached. "Sooner or later it's going to come back to you and you're going to regret it."

"I'm not hiding," I corrected.

"Then what would you call it?"

I looked around at the blank green wall before answering, "I don't know what I'd call it. Why don't I go to my room and look it up for you."

"Go on a walk Bella. You need the fresh air, and to get out of this house."

"I went shopping yesterday. I got my fresh air I'm fine," I reasoned.

"Bella-"

"You know what, fine!" I yelled. "I'll go on a walk, okay! Are you happy now," I questioned irritably.

"Maybe I should call your mother."

"Oh, yeah. That will work, because you and mom can just talk and everything will be okay."

"Bella-"

"Oh don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," I sneered, interrupting Charlie. "You are still in love with mom, but she's not coming back and you know that."

I ran down the stairs and pushed by Charlie's frozen body. I forced my way into the kitchen and grabbed my light, green, cotton jacket from the chair. I pushed by Charlie, but this time he wasn't frozen. He grabbed my elbow and spun me around to look his direction. His eyes were penetrating and I was sure if he had any superpower, it would be laser vision. "What is wrong with you," He asked, his voice was surprisingly loud and deadly.

My breath became rugged and deep. I pulled my arm from his grip and walked backwards, watching his every move, until my back hit the the door and my hand gripped the old metal doorknob. I gave it a twist and pulled the door forward, allowing myself to come with it. "I wouldn't know where to begin," I said to Charlie, before slipping out of the house and running down the street.

I don't know how long I ran. It could of been, hours. Hours could of been minutes and minutes could of been seconds, but I ran and I ran far, fast, and exhausted.

The night sky, exploded with city lights. The streets were filled with people of all kinds. Most pushed past me and my sweating body and walked into the clubs, bars, and destinations they were headed. While I, wandered aimlessly around city streets, wondering where I was and how to get home. This had been my sixth maybe fifth time out of the house and I knew I was nowhere near where I was suppose to be.

_Not even close_, a voice filled my head. _Besides,_ the voice chimed. _What are you going to do when you get home? Run to your room and ignore Charlie for the rest of the time?_

No, I shook my head to myself.

Now, I stood on a empty deserted street. I looked up, to the buildings and saw few lights on in any of the rooms. I looked back to the road again and stuffed my hands into my pockets as a chilly night-breeze sored past me and engulf my body. I shivered, but kept on walking down the deserted roadway. I looked left then right and sighed frustrated. I let out an uneasy breath and stopped to catch up with my thoughts.

"Oh look at this Abe," a handsome voice yelled. I looked to my left, where I had heard the voice, and noticed a man dressed in a dark black trench coat, dark blue jean pants. His skin was pale, and he hid his eyes under dark sunglasses, -Which had no use due to the fact that there was no sun out- his hair was dark and sleeked back, like people from Edward's time might of done.

The man came near me, a small gorgeous smile playing on his beautiful face. Just like Jane Walter there seemed to be nothing wrong with him. He was beautiful and there was no denying that fact.

"Oh yes," another handsome voice joined. Out for the alley way besides him came another man. Just as pale and just as beautiful. He was dressed in a fitting Tee-shirt, and blue jeans with a black leather jacket. His eyes were black and his hair was a deep, scarlet red. He smiled at me and joined his friends. Both boys approached, the same smile playing on there face. I knew they had done this before, they had calculated where I could run, how fast I was and how easy it would be catch me if I did run for it.

"We've got our girl for the night," the second one looked me up and down with hungry black eyes.

I held out my hands in front of me and walked backwards down the sidewalk, "No, please."

The two men came up to me. The first, with black hair, one ran a hand down the side of my cheek. The second one smiled sadistically at his friend like they were playing some game.

"Boys, your starting without me," a smooth, velvet like voice called from behind the two men. Both men, turned to the voice and smiled freely. "Cecilia," the first one greeted. "We'd never start without you." The second one laughed. "We know better then to get you angry."

"Yes, well, let me just see who you caught tonight." The angelic women came up to me, and ran a finger down my frozen face as the first male had done. Her facial features were sharp, defined. Her skin was pale and chalky, but looked smooth. She had long blond hair that flowed graciously past her shoulders. Her eyes were black and powerful. I was sure at that moment I couldn't breath. She snapped her tongue to the roof of her mouth a few times before saying, "So young and pretty. To bad your a human and I didn't have to do this."

"Come on Cecilia," the man with the black slicked down hair called. "Didn't your mother ever tell not to play with your food." He and the other man laughed.

The women giggled and turned to the boys, "Well I wouldn't really remember now would I, Pious?" The women turned back to me her blond hair swaying perfectly. "Besides haven't you heard of patience?"

"Yes, but that is a human trait," he called out.

"Human or not. It's still good to know. Now." She directed her voice to me. "Don't be scared." She puckered her red lips playfully and giggled. "I don't bite very hard and I don't take my time." She brought her lips to my ear. Her cool breath riding against my cheek. "You'll be dead before you know it."

"Why," I managed to spit out from the bottom of my throat. She brought her head back and looked at me with her onyx black eyes.

She cocked her head to the side. She brought a hand to my throat and shoved me against the wall. I cried out in pain, as the brick cut through my back and my head hit the hard stone. I brought my hands up to hers to try and get her to loosen the grip, but it didn't help."What do you do when you get thirsty," she asked. "Anyone?" She looked at me and smiled. "You get something to drink, right?" I attempted to nod my head. "Good girl," she cooed. "Well, that is what I'm doing." She shrugged her shoulders simply. "Getting something to drink." She dropped her hand from my throat.

_Vampire._

I slid down the wall paralyzed and watched the women crouch down at my level. "How old are you," she asked.

"Cecilia," The second man called out. The women held up a hand and the man instantly became quiet. She grabbed my wrist and squeezed it tightly. A snap was heard and I was sure she had broken something in my wrist. I tried to hold back the tears, but the pain spread throughout my wrist and I was forced to cry out. "I asked how old you are," she demanded the answer. I stayed silent and watched her every movement with tear filled eyes.

"Alright boys." She waved a hand for them to come over. "She's becoming silent and I'm not having much fun anymore." She stood up and wiped her hands on her dark denim jeans. "She's all yours."

She took a step back to where the previous two were standing and crossed her arms. "Finally," one of them groaned. The womens eyes flashed bright orange and I stifled a gasp, but brought (the non-broken hand) a hand to my mouth. "What did you say," she asked in clutched teeth. "Are you doubting me and my ways?"

"Never," the man bowed in the direction of the women, before both the men approached me.

The first man, Pious, grinned, flashing his white teeth my way. The second male, Abe, looked at me in all seriousness. His black eyes burning with hunger. He turned to his friend and flashed him a hunger filled smile. "You hungry," he asked. Pious, nodded, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Oh hurry up already," Cecilia called.

Pious took a step towards me, and pushed a lock of hair behind my ear. His nose caressed the open skin of my neck. My heart beat increased and I thought of all the ways to escape his grasp, and run, yet, I knew I could not take on three inhuman Vampires. "Bet you wished you didn't stray to far from the nest, little birdy," Pious whispered against my neck, his teeth grazed the skin. I held my breath and waited for the pain and death I had been expecting to come any second now.

"I hope you taste as good as you smell," Abe whispered. My hair in his grip. "I've always loved strawberry and fresh honey."

Before death, I had read that the hero never held any regrets, even with the wrong they committed and it was here I realized I was no hero. I wasn't even worth being put into the story, they'd kill me off before the book began because I held regrets. Plenty of them too.

I regretted leaving the house, for yelling at Charlie and mom. For not caring where I was going in a large city. I regretted talking to Edward, because if it wasn't for him I was sure I could of been enjoying my summer and new home with Charlie. I regretted talking to him, because with him I had to go through heartbreak and fall in love. I was forced to realize real pain and I was now forced to die, because I was stubborn and selfish to Charlie for my own heartbroken deeds.

I was no hero to this story, I was the heartbroken girl that died unloved and miserable.

"Go to hell," I spat in between uneasy breaths, as their black eyes turned to a deep crimson.

"_If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."_

_-Mercedes Lackey _

"_To regret something is to hang yourself with your own noose. Mental suicide._"

_-Unknown_

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_**And Bella goes out with style. So are you shocked or did you see this coming? Anyways I want to know how you feel, what you think is going to happen and what you want to happen. Give me your favorite line and tell me what you think! You guys are awesome and reviewers are great thank you so much!**_

Giina- Thank you, really, so much and I'm sorry to have made you cry. It wasn't my goal and yet I seem to be good at making people cry when it came to that last chapter. Your line choice was awesome and the promise was kind of mean, but she kept it.

dolphingirl79- And I'm sorry I can't tell you. I'd just give the whole ending away! Oh, and thanks by the way!

Jenna- Thanks!

_**Are you guys mad at me? Or am I safe? **_

_**Also, I have no idea when I will update, but know it might not be tomorrow. Honestly I am so tired of writing and I have school. So yeah. Tell me what you think! **_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Jane flash backs!!! Run there on the attack!!! Yes, I'm on a flashback chapter, filled with my Favorite OC, JANE!!! The one you all hate to love... ahhhhhhh. So this chapter I don't think will be a shock to you and I'm sorry I haven't updated. I wanted to... really, but my uncle's in the hospital with a few broken ribs and my parents got into the HUGE fight. Now, it's very awkward... Sorry I haven't updated, but I've had a horrible couple of days. **_

_**I have been working on the website. Which is a link on my profile now, for those who it wouldn't work for or couldn't figure it out... sorry for the mistake. Please check it out!**_

Allycat817-- Didn't suspect it did you? And I guess you'll have to keep reading to know.

insanityisFUN!!!-- You are so right! I've always noticed in stories people say they have no regrets and honestly it doesn't seem correct unless, they're absolutely perfect, which we are not. I think regret plays a large part in not only Bella's life, but everyone else's, but then again I don't really know. Thanks and I like ramble so ramble away if you'd like. (that goes for all of you readers)

GabrielleNichole-- Yes, I think a few people felt the way you did about the ending of the last chapter. I actually surprised myself for going through with it, like I had planned a few weeks ago. I'm really unsure about the chapters at this point, I have about 5 planned right now, and I'm not sure how many will come after it. I want to keep writing, but the story has to end some time and it will be hard for me too.

* * *

_**Epov**_

I was surprised to say the most.

This girl, Isabella Swan in fact, was in love with me and I did not return these feelings. Sure, I felt friendship and trust, but love? No, never love. Only for my Jane and my heartbroken mother.

There was nothing to feel love for. This girl (if she really was real) could of been a trick played, that very own imagination had managed to set up. Although I had settled against this fact. Nothing made Isabella real to me except for her photos and the odd device. The very photos of were she mimicked Jane's beauty. Everything except her gray eyes, and pink lips. Those belong to Jane.

Isabella, has large eyes the color of chocolate and red lips that were just as beautiful as Jane's pink lips, but not as beautiful. At this moment I believed nothing could beat Jane's beauty. Not even Jane's great grandchild or Jane and I's great grand child.

If, she did just happen to be Jane's great grandchild, which seemed likely due to the fact that they looked almost as if they were the same person, then she could possibly be my great grandchild. Unless, I was unable to make it or Jane was unfaithful. Which seemed highly unlikely. I might not of known Jane long enough to know her like most would before love, but I was in love with her and she was in love with me and she had shown to me that she -unlike many now- was a respectable, and generous lady. My lady and no one else's.

Yet, this was not a challenge of Jane love, but of what Isabella Swan had said.

_Dear Edward,_

_I don't know what to write anymore or if I should write anymore._

_You scare me. _

_-Isabella Swan _

The words Jane had said. _"Alright," she exhaled, like I had tried to convince her of her secret. "You scare me."_

I was in shock. Not only does Isabella look like Jane, but she had her mind, her thoughts almost. Maybe, even the skills of a great speech. _"I'm scared of you," she whispered, "-because, you make me feel like I've never felt before, and it scares me knowing you for such a short time and wanting to be with you every hour of the day. It's scares me that if at this moment you asked me to runaway with you, I would. And this scares me because, I've never," Jane paused and moved closer, our eyes connected. My heart's beating increases largely. "-wanted to be so close to someone." I look down at Jane's plump pink lips and look into her gray eyes."-As I have you."_

I had wrote down the only word my fingers could manage: _Why?._ I was still in shock. They were so alike.

_1). You make me feel like I've never felt before and I don't even know you. 2). You die, we can never be together or meet. 3). I'll never be able to hold your hand or comfort you and after reading your entry that's all I want to do. 4). I just want to be close to you, but how can that be when when your a century away. _

_After I read your reply I'm not going to write anymore. I'm not going to read your pleas and I'm going to try and attempt to forget who you are and my feelings for you. I'm going to act like you never existed so that I can live a normal life in the 2008 and have normal kids, and a husband my age. That is if I do have any of that._

_Edward Masen, I think I might be in love with you and I hate it. I will never hate you, because I know that will be impossible, but I hate the feeling of knowing I'm never going to comfort you, or run a hand through your hair or just see you alive and young. You might not feel this way, your heart might not be breaking. Why would it, we know nothing about each other? But I want you to know that even though you don't love me and my heart might never fully recover from you, it wasn't your fault. _

_-Isabella Swan,_ she replied

I wasn't sure if I should of been glad that she was never going to write to me or sad that I was going to read her entry's and learn more about her.

One part of me was chanting the words 'I told you so' over and over. I assumed this was the defined, smart side of my brain that held reason and responsibility and told me when it was time to grow up and stop playing baseball in the fields, but to focus on the future and my studies.

And yet, there was a part of me. The surviving young child in me. Who wanted to write to Bella and tell her everything. Love was never in this sides vocabulary, so _that_ would never get in the way of our crazy friendship or long night talks.

But she never wanted to talk again. She wanted normal and I wanted normal and this communication was never and nor would it ever be considered normal, but more along the lines of crazy and outrageous. I'm sure we'd both be sent to the psychiatric ward, I being left to die, going on and on about a certain Isabella Swan and then she's probably sitting on my bones. Knowing our luck we'd both get stuck in the same room, crazy over the same thing: A journal.

After this letter everything was going to go back to normal and then I realized something that both parts of my arguing brain could agree on. I was going to miss the quality of unorthodox and _Bella._ Sure we had never _really_ been friends, but there was something there. She was in love with me for a reason.

_"Jane," I mumbled, snuggling deeper into her hair. She pushed off me and sobs one word, "No!" and is gone. In her place sits the journal._

Then it all came together and I wrote what I felt. I wrote about the dream and how I wanted Isabella to be happy, normal even. I gave advice and then I placed the journal on my desk.

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_It was you. In my dream. The night, tonight, of fathers death I was awaken from a dream. I mistaken you for Jane in the dream. I should have known then, but I didn't. There were so many differences, but I was too blind to notice. I don't know how sorry I can say I am to even call you Jane in a dream or to say that I'm not in love with you as you are for me and I do not wish this to hurt you any further, so I think it would be best if we stopped writing. Without me you can live a normal life, be a normal person with normal people your age. And without you I can carry on my life with Jane and carry on the Masen name forever in my mothers request. _

_I'll never forget you, know that, but we are two different people. You're from the year 2008, and I am stuck here in 1918. Nothing will change this and I have gripped that fact tightly and held it in my mind every time I wrote to you in this journal. I do not expect a reply, I never will ask one of you. I have taken too much already, and I'm so sorry to have made you feel this way. _

_Do not hate love because of me and don't stray from your feelings you might have for others. Fall in love, live a happily ever after with your prince charming. And do not- Do not I beg of you think of me when your chances come. Forget me like you have planned and do not hold back from the wonders of life. _

_It will be as if I'd never existed._

_- Edward Masen_

Signed my name and that was it.

Never again would I talk to Isabella Swan.

____

I sat in my room, sitting behind my desk. I was writing a letter to Jane. I had to tell her of Father's death and the weakness of my mother. I wasn't going to admit it either. I was beginning to feel weak, and a little soar, but I knew it was nothing. I hadn't had a good nights sleep in awhile anyways.

_Dear Jane, _

_California? How is it and your aunt? I'm sure it's amazing, especially with you there to brighten the state. I've missed you and it hasn't been the easiest over here. Father died nights ago and mother, well, she's not doing so well and I'm not sure if it's the Influenza or her broken heart. I'm sure it's both and maybe the fact that she doesn't seem to fight it, like she wants to die and meet the end of her days. _

_I'm alright, if you're wondering, but I haven't had a good nights sleep in ages. I've stayed up mostly in worry for mother and you, of course. I worry that you might not make it or that I might not make it to see you once and again and hold you in my arms once again. _

_I'm not sure when I will send this or you'll get the letter,but know that I miss you._

_Yours forever, _

_Edward Masen_

I sighed contently and sealed the letter into an envelope then placed it on to my desk. Right next to the journal. Not, that I was able to admit fully and truthfully, I missed Isabella Swan and her writing. At first, I assumed I missed the thrill of writing to someone who was from another time all together, but then it slow developed into missing her and wanting to write. I placed it in the category of I being bored (not missing her) in the and having nothing to do, yet, it seemed I had really missed her.

I opened the drawer of my desk and pulled out the picture of Isabella. Her chocolate eyes looking into mine, her smile wide and seemingly forced, possibly unhappy. I couldn't help, but keep a photo or a memory of some sort. I didn't want to forget and the journal didn't keep the memories. It simply erased them forever, but this photo was my undying proof that Bella might possibly be real and I would never let it go.

"Edward," A women called. Four rushed knocks sounded at my door. "Your mother-" And then I didn't hear the rest. I pushed out my chair and ran out the door. Marie, a maid, stood there. She looked at me franticly and jumped back and forth between her feet. "Shes fainted," she exhaled; her eyes wide and her breathe shallow and fearful.

"Where is she?"

"Her room, hurry."

"Call a doctor," I ordered, before running off to the bedroom and to mother. Marie's footsteps pattered down the hallway and down the stairs.

I came into the room, ignoring the stares of the women and rushed to mothers side. Her skin was pale, a tint of blue played in to her cheeks, and a coat of sweat coated her forehead. Her temperature was burning and her body looked so weak and breakable. I was afraid that if had touched her she would break into millions of pieces and scatter messily over the floor and nothing would be left. She would simply be gone, broken forever.

I don't know how long I sat by her side. It could of been days, weeks or hours and I would not of noticed. I was worried sick about mother and her health and thats all that occopied my mind along with the thoughts of losing mother and what would happen to me.

"Is she in here." I heard a male voice ask outside of the room.

I turned to the doorway, where a blonde man stood. I recognize him as the doctor who was here before, after fathers death. Doctor Carlisle Cullen I believe was his name.

"What happened," he asked, approaching mother and I.

"She fainted sir," a maid, Stephani, stuttered in shock, stepping out from the corner of the room where all of the other women stood. "We were cleaning out the kitchen- she just collapsed and we brought her up here and called for Edward. He hasn't left her side."

Doctor Cullen, stood on the other side of the bed and grabbed mothers hand. I turned away not wanting to watch another man place his hands on mother, although he was a doctor it felt wrong that it wasn't father taking care of her. "Edward," he said. I assumed he was done.

I turned and faced Doctor Cullen. "I'm afraid she has been exposed."

"-what can be done to help her," I asked eagerly.

Doctor Cullen looked down on mother then back up to me. His golden eyes were dark and sad. Almost as if he knew there was nothing to do or how much this was hurting me. "I'm afraid there is nothing that can be done. We can take her to the hospital and give her a room, but that's all we can do."

"No," I said stubbornly, crossing my arm across my chest. "Something can be done and we will do anything we can to help her."

"Mr. Masen, Edward, please understand that she's dieing and the chances of recovering are of a low percent. There is no way I can help her or anyone."

"We'll talk about it once we get mother to her hospital room Doctor Cullen."

Doctor Cullen nodded his blonde head and said nothing more.

We arrived at the hospital and mother was placed into a large room. Five empty beds surrounded mothers and my own and few windows were attached to the wall, the curtains kept closed. I ignored the headache that filled my head and the light taste of sulfur that captured my tongue. The soreness of my throat and the cough that came with it. It meant nothing as I watched mothers pained body and compared it to my own.

I coughed, but kept my hands in mothers grip, never wanting to let go. Carlisle entered the room with a glass of water and handed it to me. I attempted to cover my cough and took the glass from his hands. "How is she doing today," I asked, never taking my eyes off of her.

"The real question would be: How are you doing today?"

I looked sharply at Carlisle and shook my head. "I'm feeling fine."

"I would say otherwise Edward."

"-Yes, well, I'm a little tired." I tried to push the pulsing pain from my head, but Carlisle did not let the grimace pass and ordered a immediate check up. I declined, or at least tried to decline, but somehow was forced into it. I sat on the bed next to mother waiting for her to wake-up and say something and reassure me that she was fine. She let out a wheezily cough and turned painfully to her side, her back facing me.

Carlisle paced the room back and forth, each time sneaking a little glance at me. I was sure I had something horribly wrong with me or something abnormal. "Edward, I'm afraid," I looked over to him. His golden eyes reflecting sadness, and grim news. "I'm afraid," he started again. "That you have the Influenza."

Hours later I laid in bed and watched mother sleep. Pain surged through my veins and everything seemed to become a struggle; air, thoughts, heartbeats. It felt almost impossible to live through this.

_The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity - designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny of man._

_-Unknown_

_I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity._

_-Unknown_

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_**Oh... he's a goner. So, anyways tell me what you think. What do you want to happn? What you think might happen and how this chapter made you feel. Any advice for next time? And tell me your favorite line. What are you most excited for? **_

_**Reviews have been great!**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**So really long authors note. I have a lot of reviews that I feel the need to answer to. Ps. Last scene with Jane... I'm, very sad to write it. As I have said before Jane is my Favorite OC. **_

**GabrielleNichole-** Well, glad you're excited and here's another chapter. I have no idea whats going to happen (with what you have playing in your head) so I can not agree with you- you could be wrong or you could be right. Also, interesting line choice.

----Ps. You did spell ecstatically right!

**CharmingAndInsane-** I did have that authors note. If you did review for that then it counts for this chapter. It's okay to love the last chapter even though I was killing Edward.... it's okay. The quotes I can't help, I just love adding quotes to the story and I'm glad you like it too! As for your favorite line, that is one of my favorite lines and I wanted to make it seem like that he felt that way. Not only is it cute, but it makes the future for me easier to write.

**Vampires Don't Sleep**- Me too! But somehow I spend more timing writing... well, happy to make you relieved (in a way) and hey! You're the first one to call me by my real name, Paige on a review! Thanks!

**dolphingirl79-**I know, I can't wait either! Thank you and I'm doing okay now. My uncles out of the hospital, and my parents, well, their trying to make it "not awkward" for me and my brother, but I don't think it's workin'. Thanks and I'll try.

_**Hope you like the chapter! THE next chapter will be with Bella... and maybe Edward... together..... so you better review! Please!**_

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_**Epov**_

The hot-heated blade cut through my flesh, into my muscles and carved right through my bones. It moved to various parts of my body, slashing and piercing every part of my flaming form. It did not rest and nor did it stop. I could feel my muscles begin to heat up and begin to burn like most of my body had. I was sure after I was dead -if I did die- my body would be a assortment of debris and ashes. I imagined flames engulfing me and swallowing me into a deep and blaze filled sea. My toes, fingers and hairs burning till nothing was left over.

I searched through my foggy mind of something -anything- that could of made me happier or take away the pain, but my memories were blurry and terrifyingly dim. Almost, like a screen of dust covered them all way from me. The pain was such a malicious and pernicious feeling. The taste of it racing within my body was enough for me to wish and plead to God for death. I was sure if I could of been on my knees I would of been.

My furiously fast-paced heart beat faster against my raw chest. I knew it wanted out as much I did and was trying to escape the scorching heat.

Time seemed to slow down in this time of pain. Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days. Everything was somehow slower. I let out a howl of not only pain, but also of misfortune and help.

A cold hand grabbed my own, as I let out a dire and arduous scream, this time for the pain. I opened my eyes quickly and took notice of whose hand was in mine. It seemed the person stood so far away, the only thing noticeable was the dark layout behind the person and the red that blurred into a pale. My vision was foggy, but I was sure it was God that stood by my side attempting to cool me down. I wanted to beg for forgiveness and ask for it to stop, but all I could let out were silent wheezes of breath, not enough to form a sentence or a word.

With my eyes scorching in pain, I search the masses of blurs trying to make out each figure and what it was exactly. The room was dark; blackness reached through each corner of the room. Except, for a large blur of light near a white-colored wall. I laid on a sheet, its coolness itched beneath my clamped fingers. I hadn't realized it was in my grip.

"My God, Edward. I am sorry," the man spoke from beside me, as I let out another scream. "It will all be over soon." He sounded so familiar, but I still could not place who he was.

"I'll be dead?" I managed to wheeze through each stab and flame of pain. I was taking this mans word for it and praying that it would all be over soon. I turned my head to the pale man, and traced his silhouette with my burning eyes. "Please. Make it stop," I begged.

The man gave a large sigh and griped my hot-heated hand harder. "It will all be over soon. You'll be safe with no pain."

Everything else seemed to become a larger blur. I shut my eyes harder and clutched my teeth, keeping my scream hidden from the world. My heart beat furiously against my ribcage, like it was trying to get out of its prison cell. Hot liquid, what felt like magma, rushed through my heart and my already beating to fast heart sped up to a speed I thought impossible for any man, women or animal.

My heart thumped and pounded against my chest, creating a vibrating hum from within myself. It seemed every small part of pain that infiltrated my body was sucked into this part: my heart and pulled together. The pain that washed through my heart and was enough to have me screaming. I yelled louder then before and arched my back. The cool fingers that had been in my grip for many days pulled back. The pain continued to wash through my chest, like swaying water or in this case- flames. It ripped back and fourth throughout my chest and seized my heart. I let my back fall back onto the pile of sheets, where my ashes would lay and I listened to the amazing, painful and fast pace of my heart. It slowly stammered in my chest and came to a sudden halt. Dead. My heart was dead, but I wasn't...

As the pain disappeared, voices appeared in my mind, taking over all of my senses. My brain was filled with thoughts, all of others, but myself.

_... She did like yellow, right? Uh, maybe I should go back...._

_... Oh! What will Harold think? I hope this dress was worth it..._

_... His transformation is complete! How am I going to tell him?..._

The this third voice I easily recognized as the man with cold hands, but the other two I did not know. "Please," I exhaled as more voices continued. "Stop- whatever you're going stop it."

"Edward I'm not doing anything." _I wonder if it's truly done?_ His voice flew in my mind again.

_... What am I going to do? My god, more people need to shop!..._

"Stop!" I yelled, willing my eyes open. "Get them out of my head." I growled furiously. Turning my head to the man, that earlier I had referred to as God. He seemed somehow already etched into my memory, though I could not find him. I searched through my memories which I found were strange and distant. My brain felt empty of any memories and the ones there were darken and dim. I searched each practical part of my brain searching for something, as the voice of people filled my head.

Dust covered images filled my mind. Pictures of a journal filled my mind. White walled rooms and the man, Doctor Cullen, pacing in front of me. A women, I easily recognized as my mother, laid on a bed, sweat building up on her body and the last one of a girl, Jane. She walked down a long dirt way, my body pressed to hers.

"Where am I?" I sat up, the restraints that had been holding me down on my arms broke away easily. Doctor Cullen stood next to me and laughed at my shocked face, before giving me a large welcoming grin. "The safest place you could be right now," he answered.

I stood up and stepped into front of Doctor Cullen, expecting answers. "Where?"

"It was the only place I could take you," he answered, as if it answered my question. He looked around the windowless room and sighed contently, his lips not moving when he spoke. _"My home."_

"Your home?"

"Yes, my home. How did you know? It's not that obvious is it?"

I raised both my eyebrows at Doctor Cullen. "You told me that not, but fifteen seconds ago."

"Edward?" He asked, his lips once again not moving. I stared perplexed at the doctor unsure of his abilities. "What are- how did you do that?"

"Amazing," he commented wide-eyed. _"Edward?" _His voice rang through my head.

"Doctor, whatever you are doing can you please stop it?"

_"I find it hard not to think, Edward,"_ Doctor Cullen laughed.

"What?" I asked, truly and utterly confused.

"_I believe you can read minds."_

I stared disbelieving at the Doctor Cullen. Me? Read minds? Yes, that's possible! "Yes, prove it."

"_Okay I'll think of a number between one and ten."_His voice sank into my mind. I tried to ignore and act as though I had never heard a thing. "I know you heard me, Edward."

I crossed my arms and rubbed my throat a burning sensations ran down my throat. "I need some water."

"_No you need to feed."_

"Is there really a large difference?"

"Well, besides you reading my mind, yes, there is a _large_ difference."

And that was it. He explained everything to me. I took in the fact I was a vampire and drank blood. I took in the fact that I would never get to see my family or lover again and I took in the fact that I was no longer normal, or regular. I was a monster.

**10 years later 1928**

I went to visit Jane. I had my temptation for blood under control, at least enough to watch her that day God, I hated the feeling I was getting on this very day. Knowing that someone else touched her, and that she was no longer mine and I could never kiss her like I had dreamed when I was human.

I approached the house in California. The smell of Roses radiant everywhere and the feeling I got when I grew near. I knew she was in the house. I approached slowly around midnight and crept through the yard. She lived out in the country, no one was around her house for miles and I knew I would not get caught, not that I held any thoughts about being caught. I _am a_ vampire.

I crept by her window, and watched her sleep silently next to the man she loved. His arm was wrapped around her waist and, yet, she did not move or push him off. She didn't care that that man (her husband) held her at night and I did not. "Edward," she mumbled into her pillow. She moved away from her husband and slept on the edge of the bed. "Don't go. Please..." She slurred something inaudible, even for my ears afterwards.

This day- Tonight I didn't know how to feel. Butterflies -if at all possible- flew through my stomach as my name drifted off into the night and she continually said my name and begged for me not to leave.

"Mommy- Mommy," A young girl, around the age of seven bursted into the room, along with the scent of salt (tears) and lavender. I held my back against the stone house, my fingers holding me upright and I continued to listen. "They're out to get me," the young shrieked. I heard her pounce on the bed and snuggle into Jane.

"Who's out to get you, sweety?" Jane's tired voice yawned.

"The monsters! Hide me," the girl yelled.

"Elizabeth there are no monsters out to get you, I promise. It's just a bad dream," Jane reassured.

Elizabeth sighed heavily and crept out of the bed. "Will you at least tuck me in," she pouted.

"Beth," a loud gruff mans voice whined. "Go to bed."

The door shut, but I stayed in place, listening. "Well," Jane sighed. "That was nicely handled, Henry." I heard the bed sheets ruffle and the sound of foot steps walk calmly over to the door. I followed Jane outside of the house to the room where three children slept. "Don't worry about him or those monsters. You can get back them soon." Elizabeth giggled and so did Jane. "I love you," Jane whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered, climbing down from the house and walking off into the gardens. I sat in the middle of a grass meadow and imagined Jane's beautiful aging body, and her newfound husband.

It wasn't until I heard footsteps approach me and the smell of roses drift to my nose, did I move. "I knew I'd find out here," Jane said. I turned to look at her and smiled sadly. "After I saw you and heard you. I knew you'd be off sulking somewhere nearby." Her hands hung behind her back and her chestnut-colored hair swung lightly in the warm breeze. Her pale skin was radiated with the moonlight and her gray eyes stood out beyond all things. I knew it wasn't the first time looking into this orbs, thought it did feel like it.

"You heard me?"

"Yes, you do seem to whisper very loudly." She laughed.

I turned my head away from Jane and looked to the distance and listened to the animals of the night play. The silence wasn't killing me like I imagined it would of if I was human, but it was uncomfortable. I thought of all the subjects to bring up. There were so many, but the ones that invaded my brain brought up tough subjects and things I never wanted to hear from Jane. "She's adorable. Your child Elizabeth," I complimented.

"I named her after your mother." She took a step closer and sat next to me. Our knees were almost connecting. "I have a son named Edward too. He reminds me of you sometimes."

"You named a kid after me and my mother," I said sounding amused. Honestly, at that moment I was in shock. "Well, that us hope he's not like me entirely."

"Why?" She asked. I turned my head sharply her direction, a curious and furious look playing on my face.

"Jane haven't you wondered how I'm alive? Still young? Aren't you at least a bit curious?"

She swallowed hard and bobbed her head. She kept her eyes attached to the distance, stalking the trees with her beautiful eyes. "Yes, but I know you- you're different."

"Not different," I shook my head. "I'm a monster. I always will be."

Her head snapped my direction and raised both eyebrows, and puckered her pink lips. "Thats not true. You're Edward Anthony Masen-"

"Masen Cullen," I corrected. "I'm a Cullen now too."

"Oh," she said, her voice slightly quivering. "I'm sorry," she added.

"For?"

"I broke my promise to wait for you, now didn't I?"

"I wouldn't really remember," I grumbled to myself. "Did I make a promise?"

She nodded her head and gave me a sad smile. "You promised not to get sick."

It was silent after that. "So," I sighed. "What happened after, everything?"

Jane laughed and picked at the grass beneath our bodies. "I was left devastated. I didn't come out of my room or eat for days. I just cried and then I meet Henry and he made me happy and I thought I'd never have to think about you again or wish you were holding me again. We got married after two years and then we didn't have kids for another year. Then after Elizabeth came into the world everything changed."

"How?"

"He started having affairs. Ladies of the night. All that. And I pretended not to notice and not to care."

"And you haven't done anything?"

"What was I suppose to do? You and I know very well that I couldn't stand up to him. He's a threatening man with money and to make him angry would only have made my life a living hell, pure torture almost, Edward. You have to understand that he's a powerful man."

I moved closer to Jane and took her hands in my own. "You're the strongest women I have ever meet, Jane. You could of done it."

"We had a child. Be practical, Edward," she exhaled largely.

"I am being practical-"

"Not everyone's perfect like you, Edward," Jane stated.

"I am not perfect," I growled dangerously. She gave me a look of warning before continuing.

"Have you not seen yourself? I'm surprised you haven't moved on from me. Women should be all around you."

"I don't get out much," I muttered mostly to myself.

"Well, I can tell. You're pale. Very pale," she noted. "Its a side effect of living, or being what I am," I laughed bitterly. The thoughts of sun sinking through my skin felt nice, but I tried to avoid it as much. It bothered me, seeing myself sparkle. "Yes, I tend to sparkle when I go into the sunlight."

"Well, of course you'd glisten-"

"No. Jane I - I sparkle."

"You literally sparkle?" Her eyes grew wide and her mouth hung open a few centimeters.

"Yes."

"Wow," she said. I stood up and pulled Jane with. She took a step closer to me, unaware that she was pushing my limits and hugged me. I pulled Jane closer to my chest and pressed my forehead to hers. "You're not breathing," She commented unaffected.

"I'm afraid you might smell too good, this close." I kissed the top of her head. "Run away with me," I offered breathlessly.

"I can't," she sighed into my chest. Her warm breath rid against my skin through my thin shirt. "I have three kids and I'm all they've got."

"We can take them with us."

"No."

"Why?"

"I've had my time with you. I didn't wait and now I'm married. This is my punishment from staying away and not waiting for the man I've always loved."

"You're getting a second chance, how can that be a punishment?"

"Trust me. We'll both know when the time comes."

And then the night ended. She simpled lifted herself up on the tip of her toes and kissed my cheek. Her skin felt rough beneath mine, but I loved it and I miss it.

**2008**

_Edward check this out!_ Alice's voice came through my head along with a T.V. news program. _Thank you Colin. I'm Trish Ryan reporting live from Chicago Zoo. The two worldwide known lions were found dead this morning. We don't have many details on the death, but both bodies have lost large amounts of blood and both only have one small cut. We'll get back to you when...._

_What do you think it is?_ Emmett's voice wondered seriously.

I shook my head, knowing they couldn't see. I had a feeling I was about to find out.

_If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have. _

_-Sir James M. Barrie_

_They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love. _

_-William Shakespeare_

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**OKAY. No more ExOc. It will all be strictly ExB from now on. Yippee!**

**VISIT my site! Links of my profile. Readers of Smiling Swine__ I have the first chapter ready and I sent the chapter to my other Beta, but they haven't answered me back or sent me my e-mail. So you've got to wait, but know that I'm not just leaving you to hang.**


	18. Chapter 18

_**Hey! No great excuses I just haven't been writing. Essays, stories have taken over my life! School work has increased and friends are demanding. I just haven't been writing. **_

_**Oh this might be confusing, but when Bella meets all the Cullen's it will be explained!**_ _**Next chapter!**_

**ILEC**_**-**_ Thank you. Here's the new chapter.

**Allycat817-** Yes, it was sad. Thanks!

**giina-** Yeah it was a sad chapter and I love BXE stories, but those two were cute. Secretly (it's not a secret anymore) I'm smiling with pure joy that you like Jane and can confess it. No, Jane and Bella are not related and that's all I will tell you. All the rest of your questions will be answered today.

**Bekah- **It's okay. You are aloud to hate Jane and I won't hate you for it. Thank you. I struggle with flow in my stories as some might be able to tell. It's my weak point. With my writing style I don't start off where I left off, but I don't cut off so much information you're confused. I've never really liked it when every single chapter just cut off and then starts off right then at that spot. Thanks!

Also, sorry to make you wait.

**wtf- **Well, no. Edward can have more then one love. It just won't be Bella as his first love. I'm trying not to make him fall for the memory of Jane. I mean that will play a small part in the drama between them, but it won't be the reason he falls for her.

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_**Bpov**_

The back of Charlie's car was cramped. The smell of evergreens, cinnamon, decaying wood and wet moss hit my nose, like a stamped of wild animals rushing into my nostrils. The smell of Forks was different, just like everything else. It was all so clear and so sharp, like myself. It was more detailed then before and for the first time in my crazy life I realized Forks (and the things around it) were beautiful. Before my change it all seemed to blur together, but now that each leaf, stem and trunk had its own shape everything was amazingly beautiful and new. The normally gray covered skies were no longer gray. Instead rays of sunshine shot blindly through the clouds and reflected amazingly on the brown dirt. It surprised me that no one could see this.

"_Tell myself, on the ride home.  
Getting tired, hating all I've known.  
Holding on, like it's all I have.  
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.  
And you, find it hard to care._

_I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.  
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me."_

"Is this too loud," Charlie asked concerned, referring to the music. I pressed my back against the warm windshield in the back of the car and griped the solid metal piece in my hand, twisting it into different shapes with ease. "No," my new voice mumbled. "I'm use to everything now."

"Okay." Charlie gripped the steering wheel I could see the muscles in his arm flex wearily and the I could hear the blood course through his veins, his heart pump faster too. This happened usually after I spoke. His guard was up and prepared for an another attack.

"I'm sorry," I spoke. "I don't mean to scare you-- anymore then I have."

"_Got this way, upfront but never true.  
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.  
Crashing down, any chance you hear.  
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.  
And I don't know what to say, It's fine.  
This isn't Hollywood.  
So fine, getting in your way"._

Charlie's brows scrunched together in confusion. "Your heart," I explained. "It's speeding up," I muttered shyly.

Silence shot through the car in split seconds. Charlie's breath rushed through my ears along with the light repeating 'thud' of his heartbeat and the noises of the wind pushing against the car. "This is all new to me Bells." Charlie cleared his throat after breaking the silence. "Not only being a dad, but after- after that attack and you coming home. You know? Every things new for me -and you-," he explained. His heart settled down. "I mean what am I going to tell Renee?"

"The truth," I suggested. I shrugged my shoulders and tightened my body against the back of the car. I dropped the metal that was in my hand, it hit the floor of the car with a light 'clink'. It bounced back and fourth on it's edges and settled crookedly on the floor. I torn my eyes from the deformed scrap and listened to the loud 'hum' noise that only a car could seem to make.

"Oh, yes. She'll take this news very well," Charlie said aloud, I didn't miss the sarcasm that leaked from his lips.

I laughed lightly, my back bent against the plastic of the frame of the car. "You never know."

"She's Renee," Charlie said simply, "I know."

_"I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.  
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me._

_I'm taking a chance, this could be different.  
This could be all I'm waiting for.  
Taking a chance, this could be different.  
This could be all I'm waiting for."_

I sighed in defeat and looked into the rear view mirrors, Charlie's eyes connected with mine and dragged quickly back to the road. His heart beat went erratic. "She has changed-" Charlie cut me off. His face was hard and stern. We hadn't brought up the topic of mom for awhile now.

"She still worries doesn't she?" Asked Charlie. I bobbed my head up and down, and held my breath as the sweet smells of lavender, honey, sage and sugar burn through my throat. My spine erupted with massive amounts of tremors and my fingers gripped the plastic frame of the car and squeezed it. It melted simply between my fingers. "And in no doubt she'll worry about you being, well, being what you are."

"Yeah- yeah." I struggled to get the voice from my throat. The plastic I gripped bent with the motion of my fingers and was now a total mess. "I need to run, dad." It took my last breath of restraint to not attack Charlie and to say this. As the words melted in (0.99 seconds) to his brain Charlie stopped the car in the middle of the empty road and unlocked the back door. I jumped out quietly and shut the door with the tips of my fingers. I slowly stepped away from the car before catching Charlie's eyes in the mirrors I gave me a struggled smiled and turned to run.

I ran through the forest, racing against the wind that brushed through the trees. I heard the sounds of animals rush through the dirt, following one-another. I drove deeper and silently into the woods, until I came across a small pond of brown water. I could see the swivels of dirt collide with the once pure water. Two leafs floated on the surface of the miniature pond. I sat carelessly next to the water, not caring that mud was running deep into my jeans and ran a finger across my reflection. The smells of dirt and mold flowed in and out of my nose.

Why did this happen to me? I questioned myself, focusing on my still blood-red eyes that stuck out deeply in the dirt-colored water. I _was _normal. All I asked for was a normal life and now- Well, I'm anything, but normal. I lifted my hand from the water and stared at the new overly beautiful girl I was. I pictured my old hair on my head. I was still beautiful. I imagined my puny arms, instead of my toned new muscles. I _was_ still beautiful. I continued to do this for an hour, replacing one part of my old body with my new body and still found myself beautiful. Perfect almost.

Whatever those three had done to me had made me something I never wanted to be. As I told Edward I wanted to be normal. I didn't want to stick out, or flashback randomly. I didn't want to live the new life I had now. I wanted to be Bella Swan, the girl before the journal, before the change and before the beauty and the new diet.

Was that too much to ask?

It felt like too much, that's for sure.

I sat there for minutes maybe hours until I came across the smell of bleach and wet dog. I grabbed the tip of my nostrils to block the smell, but it didn't help. The smell was strong and overwhelming. The fast sound of paws hitting the ground grew near and the smell grew worse. I stood on my feet, waiting for the animals to pass by and to leave me alone. I stood on guard, my head snapping every direction they came.

_South. North. East. West._

My brain registered this as a attack plan. Something -whatever it was- was trying to corner me. I laughed out loud with this thought. My new (and tested) strength was no match for anything. If it was a pack of lions I could take them down with ease, no struggle. I knew this personally.

Four deep barks let out into the wild woods. My eyes scanned the distance, searching for the animals that were _trying_ to corner me. The shadows moved quickly between the trees, dodging every branch and trunk that laid of the ground of the forest. They moved towards me slowly, the black, gray, russet and white beasts moved out between the trees. I took a step back in a trance, unknowing growing closer to the gray one. It growled at me and snapped it's teeth my direction. I floated back to my spot.

My eyes scanned their bodies and their muscle strength. I could hear the muscles grind together, and the deep and almost growls from the bottom of their throats.

The large beasts enclosed on me. The Black monster moved towards me, it's muzzle almost meeting my nose. I held my breath and stood terrified in my spot. It snapped it's large jaw at me, allowing me to view its enormous dagger-like teeth.

"No. Wait!" A small voice shouted, running towards the beasts.

My head snapped the direction of the voice. A tiny pixie-like girl stood perched on top of a tree branch. The beasts growled and snarled at the pixie. She simply laughed and waved a hand in their faces dismissively. She jumped from the branch of the tree and danced her way over to me. Her tiny feet made no sound as she carried herself over to me. She giggled at the animals and walked my direction, her short, black hair danced in the wind. She was amazing pale, like myself or a plain white-wall, but she was more then a white wall. She wasn't bland or average. She was beautiful in her small little way. She was just like me.

"She didn't mean it," she said, her voicing sounding little, almost non-existent.

The beasts growled and snapped their teeth at her, exactly what they had done to me.

"She's a guest," she explained, "We didn't tell her the rules. Plus, we made an exception for one of your dogs." She looked pointly at the russet-colored dog, who lowered its head in ashame. "You owe us a favor." The black dog lowered it's head it's dark eyes watching my every move.

"Come on Bella." She gave me a smile and directed her head my way. I looked back at the dogand to the pixie, unsure of what to do. My thoughts were befuddled, covered in mud. My thoughts felt as if they were not my own, but of some distant girls. My foot pressed against the dirt going in the direction of the girl, in between the wolves. My fingers were still clasped over my nose and yet, the smell of the dogs were horrible.

My body passed the black dog. I was almost afraid his head would twist my direction and snap at my neck. I was giving it the chance. He stood still, his eyes still watching me.

Pixie met me half-way and looped her arm in mine. She smiled at me, showing-off her amazingly white teeth. Her smell dazzled the air around me. It was like a light perfume, leaving it's fresh scent in the air, but not leaving me hungry as the other scents had. I opened my mouth to speak, to ask her how she knew me or what those were; those surly were not dogs.

"Don't speak just yet," she whispered into my ear as we left the dog pack. "We'll wait till we get back."

"But-"

"No."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Never."

"Well, gee," I exhaled in a large breath. She patted my arm and pulled me in a unknown direction, smiling like a fool.

"Who are you?" I asked, as Pixie pulled me towards a dirt path.

She giggled, her white teeth reflecting the invisible sunlight. "I'm sorry. My how rude of me," she muttered. She pulled her arm away from mine and held her hand out, before introducing herself. "Alice Cullen." I stared hard at her small, pale hand. It sparkled lightly with the invisible rays of sunlight. "You're suppose to shake it," she said. before pulling her hand away from the sea of air.

"I know it's just-" I paused. I couldn't exactly explain what happened when I touched someone. I didn't want to explain it to her and look like a fool. "I don't like personal contact."

She nodded her head and continued to walk. It was silent a few moments. I figured she was giving me time to collect my thoughts and questions "You don't have a heartbeat," Alice pointed out.

I stopped mid-step and stared at her; eyes wide and mouth open. It was the first time I noticed a light (or heavy ) 'thud' did not fill the air between us. She was like me. She was one too! I regained my senses, although I had never lost them entirely, and stood up straight and proud. My crimson eyes back to their normal size and my mouth closed. "Yeah- I'm a rare case."

"Rare indeed," she laughed jokingly, her teeth once again flashing in my eyes.

"I heard the sarcasm. So that must mean there are more."

Her eyes flashed. Not in the memory-travel-way, but as if she knew something I didn't, almost like she knew the future and I- well I was just a card that she was playing with and laying down. I was sure she knew what was going to happen next in this silly game I called life.

"Yes," She piped up happily. She bounced on the tips of her toes and hopped her way towards me, before dragging me down another dirt road.

"So if you know what I am, why don't we just run? It's faster isn't it? -And what was that back there? With those-"

"Later," she snapped. "Now on the topic of questions: What is your favorite color?"

"My favorite color?" I repeated each word slowly, trying to grasp the meaning behind the question, which seemed to be invisible or there was none.

She gave me a firm nod of her head. "Your favorite color?"

"I like simple colors," I said quickly, not wanting to go into direct detail. "Nothing to plain, like white or yellow."

Her head turned my direction, a bright smile shown of her face. The look of mischief played in her topaz eyes, which were amazingly beautiful. "Yes. Yellow's defiantly not your color. With your skin tone." She made a disgusted face and continued," Pale on yellow. Nope. Oh! You'd look great in an icy blue-"

I turned my head quickly to where the pixie, Alice, walked. "What are you talking about?" I looked down to my feet. "By the sounds of, it feels like your making me a new wardrobe."

She laughed loudly and prodded my rib. "No silly."

"Oh good," I said in relief.

"But the dress I'm making you will be gorgeous."

"No Alice. I don't even know you and you couldn't-"

"Don't be silly. I'm making you a dress."

"Alice," I said calmly. "I don't need a dress."

"Not now, but you will."

"For?"

"Bella, every girl needs a dress."

"Yes, well, I don't. And _how do you know my name_?"

"It will all be explained in time." She tore her arm from mine and waved me over. "Now, come on! We've got to go meet the rest of my family."

"There's more of _you_?"

_"I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.  
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me._

_Something that's different  
Something that's different"_

_-Different, by Acceptance_

"_The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."_

_-Flora Whittemore_

"_In your life, you __**meet**_ _people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do._"

_-Unknown_

* * *

_**So you probably have no idea what's going on. **_

_**Well, I will explain: Bella was left to change, for the three, Pious, Cecilia, and Abe's secret purposes. After, being left to change Charlie reported Bella a runaway to his station. Now, remember chapter 6 and Bella's awesome dream of eating Charlie. Yeah, it happened like that except Charlie wasn't eaten. Um, Bella has the power of being a shield. I couldn't help it, and going back into memories. **_

_**I really can't explain it now, but all in good time everything will come together. **_

_**PS. Jane was not a shield. Ed ignored all of their thoughts. Forgot to mention that last chapter. **_

_**Next chapter will be the explaining chapter and EDWARD will be in it next I promise. **_

_**Tell me your favorite line and review!**_


	19. Chapter 19

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_**Okay, so with this story I have been quite careless with my grammar and spelling. I have no idea why, so I'm asking for a BETA that will go back through the chapter and edit them. I would like someone with experience and that's about it, so could someone please Beta my story? Also, half of this chapter has been on my website for days, along with some more previews of other stories. So watch my website (link set as Homepage on profile) and you might see chapter twenty on here. I update about every few days and add more things to the chapter. Also, last note there is a poll on my profile with ideas for new stories, please pick one that you would like to read. They're all original ideas and different. I have a feeling some of you might like them.**_

_**Vote! and Review!**_

* * *

_**Bpov**_

Where Alice was dragging me, I had no idea, but the feelings that had gathered in my stomach moments ago made me nervous and to be quiet honest, scared. What was going to happen? I mean Alice was like me right? She wouldn't do anything wrong?

My eyes flew to the small pixie at my side. I looked for any signs of defeat or deception. Something -anything that would signal a traitor; Although I knew she'd be better at this. But it still was quiet possible she had lead people into this trap before. "Where -may I ask- are you dragging me?" I asked, my voice hallow and even in my ears sounding weary. "I should have the right to know, exactly where I will meet the rest of your family."

She pointed up to a hill. "Just up here," she said, her bell-like voice vibrating through the air.

I stopped and looked in the direction of the Forks and considered going back to Charlie and leaving Alice all alone. "You know," I said, shrugging sheepishly. "I should be getting back to Charlie. He might want to see me."

"Charlie?" Pixie, Alice, asked me.

"My father," I explained shortly, not wanting to go into detail and making a short conversation.

She tilted her head to the side and stared at me blankly. "There's more of you?" She asked, mimicking me.

I laughed sarcastically and ignored her comment. "He might be worried and I really don't want him to worry."

"He won't worry about you, Bella. Now, come on time to meet _my _father." She clapped her hands happily and skipped up the road leaving me to trail silently after her.

"I have to cook for him though. He's useless in the kitchen," I explained, my voice traveling off into the distance of Forks woods. Upon hearing this she ran back over to me and gripped my arm tightly, her tiny fingers squeezing my new pale skin. "He's human?" She asked, her voice sounding half excited and intrigued.

"Of course he's human. He wasn't attacked."

"Oh my," she whispered. "Follow me," she said. "Carlisle's going to be so happy I found you."

"What?"

"Human? My goodness! This is amazing! Come on!"

She stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide and looking out into the distance. I poked her shoulder, hoping that she would stop whatever it was she was doing. "Alice," I muttered. My hand glided into the distance she stared at. She smiled at me and shook her head, as if clearing her mind of something. "This is going to be interesting," she commented.

_**Epov**_

I stood there, Alice's voice playing in my head. The vampire that seemed to be accompanying her seemed to engrossed in the conversation of dresses and arguments to even really think about what she was saying. I thought it was almost funny how fast one's brain could think of excuses.

I shook my head, all humor out of my system now. I was found in mer seconds I standing outside Carlisle's door, my hand neatly crushing the new door handle as I twisted it open. Carlisle turned to me, his face calm as always. _Yes?_ He asked his voice smooth as velvet sounding strained. Maybe, he was a little upset about the doorknob?

The words that came out of my mouth seemed to surprise Carlisle; Although we ('we' meaning whole family) knew Alice would one day have to get a new Barbie besides the few of us. One that might actually want the treatment. Even though her work was handy and "stylish" for this time in life, it got exceedingly annoying to be dragged around as a small girl might do with a doll of sorts. "Alice is bringing over a new friend."

"Well, I guess we should greet them kindly." He smiled. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Edward I've got to order a few more doorknobs before I greet this new friend."

I ran a hand down the back of my neck, my thoughts over taking his order. "I've got a bad feeling about this so called 'friend'," I explained. It wasn't so much that I had a bad feeling as it was, letting someone else into the family. We were already watched enough.

"I'm sure we can trust Alice's judgment on new friends," he sighed. "How close are they?"

"They were about a mile away last time I heard Alice's voice. She wants us to be nice."

"Not what I meant, but that will do." Carlisle waved a hand towards the door and went back to studying his new masterpiece. "Go tell the others. Have them prepared. I'll be there in seconds."

I nodded my head and twisted my body towards the door. My legs moved towards the family. Jasper and Emmett sat, remote controllers in hand and some game, one unknown to me. I had never really gotten into video games. Their fingers moved slowly over the controls and their eyes seemed glued to the television. Esme and Rose sat on the couch, chatting quietly to themselves about the latest "in style" furniture. Esme graciously flipped through a new magazine, Rose sat gently at her side.

"_A, B, Y, A,"_ Emmett's voice flew through my head. I ignored him and Jasper and coolly cleared my throat. _What is it now?_ Emmett asked, never putting down the remote or removing his eyes from the television. "Yes, Edward?" Esme asked. Her voice sounded sweet and sugar coated, her tone curious and motherly.

"Alice is bringing over a new friend," I explained shortly.

"Friend?" Jasper asked. Obviously he was unaware of Alice's new friend. He paused the game and twisted his body my direction. _Aw come on_, Emmett whined mentally and turned to me with a pout.

"Well, who is it?" Rose asked, flipping her blond hair lightly over her shoulder.

I shrugged as if to say, 'how am I suppose to know?' "I don't have the slightest idea. Alice is counting down from three-thousand-"

As if on cue the door pounded open, Carlisle was by my side quickly and Alice was at the doorway with a stranger. My eyes caught sight of brunet Vampire. My eyes were wide and my throat dried, if at all possible. The feeling that filled my stomach would make any human sick, but for me? No! Instead I stood there, my body rigid and wide-eyed. Passion, Love and lust passed through my dead body and I was sure I felt my own dead, dried up heart pumping in a strong tempo.

And this was all because a Jane-like women stood in the way. Jane, a voice in my own head cried out. _No! She died,_ a voice cried. _It's someone else_. I took a step forward, my eyes never leaving the young-women. She smelled like strawberry body lotion. I doubted she needed it. Her eyes were a striking blood-red and her small body was tough, not so frail like it was years ago (if she was Jane). Her mind was empty. I paused.

Empty?

She looked at me with an equal amount of shock almost as if I was someone risen from the dead. She cutely scrunched her eyebrows together. _Jane!_ I want to yell out her name, and scream "Jane" at the top of my lungs, but how could I? My body was incapable of such acts, talking and moving was impossible with _her _standing there and it felt almost wrong, like she was no longer Jane. To call her that name would be wrong.

"Come, please take a seat," Esme offered, her body brushing along mine. She directed her arm to the couch that was behind me. I didn't stop staring as her lovely body passed my way.

_Eddie's got a crush_, Emmett taunted in his thoughts.

_She's in shock_, Jasper thought in a low whisper. _The feelings rushing through her are almost too overwhelming. She's feeling hate, passion, confusion and love, but with just one look at you, Edward? Do you happen to know her from sometime before...?_

I shook my head, my eyes watching the women cautiously look back at me. Her eyes watched my body and the things around me. Nervously, watching me her fingers played with the hem of her dirt-covered shirt. "Her names Isabella," Alice pipped up from beside me. The family fluidly introduced themselves and watched me as I took a step forward, keeping my hands at my side. I gave her a nod, which she returned, and quickly said my name.

"So, you're a friend of Alice's, are ya'?" Emmett asked, scooting closer to Bella and causing a mental uproar is Rose. I smiled please and watched as "Isabella" looked around the room, before bringing her eyes to my body again. "I'm not sure," she stuttered. "I mean- I just met her out in the woods."

Everyone's eyes, but mine, rotated to Alice. I saw the image of her smiling and waving a few innocent fingers at the family. "She didn't know the rules and she crossed the treaty line. I saw it in a vision and I couldn't help but save her."

Esme let out a small breath of relief. "Good," she sighed. "That way you didn't have to deal with the dogs."

"Yes, well, about that..." Alice trailed off. "The dogs and I came to a plausible agreement." The family fell silent. Their minds wondering off into the distance with each other. "Come on guys!" her small voice bounced off the walls of the large room. "I didn't do anything horrible; It's doesn't even affect us now."

"Alice," Emmett groaned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing honestly!" _Edward tell them!_

I ignored Alice. Isabella stared at me, her eyes looking, searching mine. I felt myself shiver with pleasure and surprise, this women, Isabella had the worst affect on me. Pleasure? Surely there was nothing good about her. She was a imposture, a fake, a Jane look-alike! Yet, another voice within my head argued, she's doing this to you.

I growled and tore my eyes from Isabella to Esme.

_What's wrong, Edward? _Her attentive voice asked, her soft, pale hand stroking my arm.

"Nothing," I sighed, running a hand through my bronze hair. "I'm just annoyed of those two." I aimlessly pointed over to Alice and Emmett. Isabella's eyes flashed that direction. I wait for some thought from her, or image. Her brain was empty and _that_ was impossible seeing as she was a vampire, and she was capable of talking; Although I had only heard her just once. Most of the time her crimson-red eyes were running up and down my dead body. Knowing this sent ripples of pleasure through my body.

I knew Jasper was smirking.

"Well, now that this is settled," Carlisle's voice directed towards Alice and Emmett. "Isabella, I hope you don't mind telling us a bit about yourself?"

I listened for a sign of thought, yet, a voice. Nothing. Isabella managed to stutter a "yes" in the time of my deep concentration and was now telling us a bit about herself. "I'm or at least I guess I'm a vampire-"

"You don't really know?" Emmett asked, interrupting her beautiful voice.

She corrected herself. "I do. I tend to want to eat people, now." She struggled with her words. "Anyways," she continued. "Charlie and me. Charlie being my dad," she explained. "Decided to move back to Forks from Chicago. I slipped up, with this random stranger after I went outside. Charlie and I ran to the least crowded place we knew and he begged for his old job. Although it didn't take anytime for them to beg for him." She laughed and stopped shortly, seeing as non of us thought it was funny.

"How old are you," Esme asked, her voice filled the awkward air.

"Seventeen," She said. The whole family laughed, I included.

"Silly," Alice whispered. "Not what your body's frozen at, but your real age."

"_Seventeen_," She repeated confused.

The whole family froze, the house dead silent. "Explain," Carlisle said shortly. I had never seen or heard him exactly like that.

Isabella sighed and ran a hand through her smooth hair. "Charlie, my _human_ father and I got into a fight and I left the house. I ran forever, until it was dark and came upon a small abandoned street. I had never been this far into the city and I was lost, confused. This man approached me, he was inhumanly beautiful and he cornered me with his friend. They were taunting me for some time and then, another one came. She started talking to me, explaining things I didn't understand.

"I wouldn't respond to her," She shook her head vigorously. "I was scared and she got bored and handed me over to the men. They cornered me deeper into an old alley way and into some building, I don't really know. They bit me and all I remember was crying out in pain for days; just begging to die and to forget.

"I came home three days after that. People were on the street, but I was determined to get home and I did. In seconds. I was flying through the streets and no one saw me." She laughed and sighed dreamily. "And then I got inside and the smell of honey radiated like crazy throughout the house and I was starving. I found Charlie and then this dream I had when I was human came back to me. I ran away from Charlie and wound up at the zoo, drinking the blood of two lions. Maybe, you saw it on the news. Anyways, I came home and hid in my room, until Charlie broke through the door and saw the "new" me. We've been keeping our distance ever since and trying to make this easier on the two of us."

We were stunned. I honestly didn't know what to say next.

Sorry?

_**Bpov**_

I sat down on the long couch, my legs crossed and my fingers nimbly playing with the hem of my dirt-covered shirt. They stood in a crowd, their faces blank and empty. I stared at the man (if I could really call him that) I had loved. Okay, that I still loved. He seemed so different, so broken. His topaz eyes didn't glitter like the rest of the families and he surely didn't smile when he saw me; obviously he had forgotten. His face contorted into a look of pain, confusion and suffering, like I brought up a bad memory. A memory not of me.

"So, explain this to me," the large burly one, Emmett, said. "You've been a vampire for a _week_?"

I nodded my head simply, my eyes never leaving Edward's gorgeous body. "What an amazing amount of control you have," Carlisle commented. I felt his eyes surveying my body for a sign of something unnatural and possibly wrong. "It normal takes years -ten at least- to have the control you do."

Shocked, my eyes snapped over to blond man. "Ten years?" I asked, my voice never cracking with shock, like it might of done if I had been human still.

"Yes. You're amazing really."

"Thanks, I think?"

The model-like girl growled at me, her eyes fierce and heavy. She pushed away from Emmett. "Yes, it's a compliment, alright." Her body twisted to the rest of the family, her arms flaring as she preached to them. "I'm not saying this is a amazing or anything, but I want answers. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't trust her. Not yet." She turned back to me, her topaz-color eyes washed through my body, like a bullet would for a human. Her voice never left my head.

"You can trust me. I – I," I stuttered, trying to think of something intelligent to say. "I give you no reason to trust me and I know this, but I might be able to prove anything to you, well, it won't be anything, but it might mean something to you. I don't really know, yet."

The blond man moved closer and held out his hand; almost like he knew. "Whatever it is you'd like to show us, you may show me first," his voice lifted into the air with grace and even as a vampire I found myself stunned. I looked down at his hand and lifted mine uneasily, deciding whether to show him or not. "Think back to something you'd enjoy to see again, please," I whispered softly, making my decision.

"Alright." His eyes traveled to the friendly women, Esme, and back to mine. My hand lifted delicately to his and gripped it tightly. The odd pulling sensation tugged on my stomach and pulled me through. Memories of mine and Carlisle's pulled together and an image formed, but not of my memory.

_Two figures danced gracefully across white marble. A womens white, silk dress flew through the air and danced in the wind along with her caramel hair. She smiled happily at the blond man that lead the beautiful dance. She laughed and ignored all the staring people around her, admiring her grace and beauty along with the mans. He smiled at her and leaned in close whispering something about her beauty. I smiled as the music slowed and almost as if the music were directing them, they slowed and brought the dance to a light box-step._

_"I love you," Carlisle whispered into the womens carmeled-colored hair._

_"I love you too," she said, before placing a sweet kiss on his cheek and coming to a stop. They bowed to the small crowd and left the room._

My eyes snapped open, a smile plastered onto my face. I let go of Carlisle's hand and smiled at him. Sweetly, he returned the grin. "That was extravagant," he said coming to the dancing women's side. "Perfect," he added.

"It was beautiful," I commented, my body numb with the feeling of burning jealousy of their love story. They actually remembered each other! "If you don't mind me asking? What was it that you showed me?"

Carlisle grasped Esme's hand in his own, their skin the exact same milky-color. "The first time I told her I loved her." He lifted Esme's hand to his lips and placed a delicate kiss on her knuckles. I smiled at the two, the burning jealousy leaving faster then expected. "That truly is an amazing gift you have, don't forget that," he said.

"Wait," the large, burly one said, pushing forward into the crowd, towards me. "Your gift? What is it? 'Cause all I saw was you two sit there hand-in-hand." He turned towards Edward and raised a large eyebrow. "Did I miss something here?" He lifted a finger and pointed back and fourth between me and Carlisle.

"She can show us memories. Carlisle just so happened to be thinking of him and Esme and she showed him the image, like they were there in the crowd," Edward said, his voice sounded bitter and unnatural in my own ears. I imagined a symphony of kindergartners with instruments to sound better then him. His eyes concentrated on my body as if he were solving a puzzle or possibly looking for something, a distant memory of me or someone like me.

"Awesome," Emmett shrugged and came closer to me. He held out his hand, like Carlisle had done not but minutes ago. "So how does this work? Do I just think of something and then touch you or do you have to do some voodoo magic, before hand?" He asked, his voice trailing of in curiosity. I laughed and held out my hand. "Think of anything you want me to see. Then, take my hand in yours."

"Alright, I've got it!" He clasped his large hand in mine and once again I was pulled in through a maze of memories, and thoughts. It stopped suddenly the images of a baseball game coming to a halting in front of me.

_I stood in a crowd of people, Emmett stood next to me a crazy grin shining on his face. He winked at me and pointed to a small child and a father. The boy sat in the seat next to the older man cheering on one of the baseball teams. I laughed and glanced at Emmett and paused momentarily shocked. His grin had disappeared, but he stared at the man next to the boy who seemed to be his father._

_I turned to the game. A ball came soaring in the air towards the two of them, they both raised in their seats, gloves on there hands and large smiles on their familiar faces. The ball came straight towards them and landed gently in the little boys gloves. He turned to his father in shock, his face bright red and tearful, but happy. His father, lifted him into the air and placed him on his shoulders and paraded him around their two seats._

I opened my eyes and smiled widely. The images of Emmett as a child stuck in my mind, now forever. "That was amazing Bella," Emmett commented in a low, cheerful voice. "I didn't think it would all be so- clear."

"What do you mean?" I looked at the small crowd. "Aren't your memories always clear somewhat?"

Alice cleared her throat and spoke out. "Not for us. Some of us, like me, can hardly remember a thing. It happens in the transformation with almost all vampires."

"Because of your gift," Carlisle spoke up. "It seems that your memories are all there, but like they had happened yesterday."

"I can't read her," Edward spoke up, his voice loud and booming almost. Changing the subject. "She's completely silent."

My head twisted to where the boy stood. His arms were crossed behind his back and his eyes were set on the wall behind my head. His lips were pulled into a tight line as if he were concentrating on something. The whole family seemed to react to Edward's words and pulled their legs his direction. "You can't?" Jasper, the quiet one, muttered into the dead silent air. "How... odd," Esme commented, soon after.

"Indeed," Carlisle agreed. The blond women, Rosalie scoffed and pulled on Emmett's sleeve, before shoving him out of the family crowd and heading down a long hallway. The sound of a slamming door played in my mind along with the voice of Rosalie's complaints to Emmett about me. "You'll have to excuse Rose. I believe she's having a bad day," Esme smiled.

I sat up quickly and pointed to the door, suddenly feeling like I was intruding on something I was not suppose to be involved in. "Maybe, I'll just leave- so you can, you know settle things in your family. I can see I've been intruding on you-"

"No," Alice, Esme and Carlisle said at the same time. Jasper stayed silent and Edward seemed to have whispered a silent "Yes" while glaring at me with his inhumanly beautiful eyes. "Edward," Alice hissed, turning to her brother. "Be nice. Just because you can't read her-"

"Doesn't mean she's a threat? I agree fully with Rose on this. We don't know her, why should I trust her."

"Because," I surprisingly shouted above the two. They all turned to me with wide eyes and almost open mouths, it almost looked synchronized. "Because, I know you." I paused. "Well, not you now, but I remember you when you were younger and you were just a boy."

"I thought you said you've been a vampire for a week?" Jasper asked. "You couldn't of known Edward back then."

I smiled and tapped a finger gently on my mind. "Nothing is impossible."

"Explain," Edward said shortly. "How?"

My eyes caught his gaze. "Give me your hand."

"No," he said sternly.

"It's the only way I can show you, because if I tell you, you'll pretty much think I'm crazy."

Sighing defeated, Edward hastily shoved his hand forward, towards my face. His fingers dangled helplessly in front of my face. "Let us get this over and done with, please."

"Of course," I said, before taking his hand in mine.

I didn't know where to begin. With four memories playing in my head, I felt sick. Images were scattered and memories of Edward's were weak. I pulled all my thoughts together starting of with the first memory that came to mind. The memory that told the story. My story. Our story.

_To be continued....._

"_Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't  
own it, but you can use it. You can't keep  
it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it  
you can never get it back."_

_-Harvey MacKay_

_We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find._

_-Unknown_

"_Waiting is painful. __**Forgetting**_ _is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering._"

_Paulo Coelho_

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_**Like it?!!!! Ummm, give me your favorite line, please! and Tell me what you want to happen and how are you feeling about the story at the moment. It's pretty long so I hope that makes up for not updating and no sending review replies.**_

_**I'm so so so so sorry to whoever sent me a review, but I've been so busy I didn't have time to answer all of them like I usually do or try. Here's a few replies. Not all, but a few. I'm truly sorry I couldn't get all of you!**_

_**insanityisFUN!!!!-- Oh yes the horror! Great line choice, my personal favorite and I'm sorry it took me a century...... or two to Update.**_

_**OnyxTwilight-- Okay. Edward is here along with Bella. At the same time (gasp!)!**_

_**Rag Doll Lover (it keep erasing all together) 715-- Thank you really for the review. I wanted so badly to reply, but I've been busy. Thanks for that correction and also (yes, another thank you) for telling me you thought it was weird that Alice was communicating with the pups, but I'm making it so they're a little civilized towards each other. There won't be that whole Vampire vs. Werewolves thing, but they don't entirely like each other either. Yes, and I'm thankful you don't know where I live. That threat scared me.**_

_**Do You Hear That Readers- I have started writing the other chapter. I'm sorry it's taking forever, but I have yet to have any inspiration. Sorry!**_

_**Smiling Swine- I have a few chapters written, but my Beta (for that story) has yet to return the corrected version to me. There is a full (unedited) version on my website. It's coming around nicely and I -once again- am really sorry to make you wait.**_

_**Vote and Review!**_


	20. AN: Sorry!

Dear Readers,

Please do not hate me, but I am in a serious and messy problem.

My brain. Yes, my brain has not been working properly and I only have about two hundred words for chapter twenty. Do not hate me, but I am in a situation in which many call: _Writers Block (mixed with some stress). _I am sorry to tell you that I do not plan to update anytime soon. At least until my brain starts getting some ideas.

I do have the whole chapter planned out and I must say it's going perfectly within my brain- but on a screen or on paper it seems to fall apart and I have rewritten two hundred words over and over. I do not know what has caused this problem, but I have a feeling it is stress from the WASL and my very important essays which are due in no time.

Oh! It was also my father's, my brother's, my uncle's and my birthday during this short amount of time I did not update. So, I can't blame school the whole time. I can also blame partying!!! So, Readers I am truly sorry but please do not expect a update from me anytime soon.

_Ps. Anyone know where to find good court cases for Gay Rights and/or Gay Marriage? It's apart of my essay and I have yet to find a good website._

Thanks and once again sorry!


	21. Chapter 20

**FINALLY!****I'm back! I wasn't able to write and then one day... BAM! I was inspired and logged on as quickly as I could. Now, I'm not so sure if my writing has changed from last time, it feels like it did-but it could just be the fact that I hadn't been writing, except out of third person on some other story... Oh 500 reviews!!! Thanks to all of you awesome people out there who have reviewed! I love you!**

**Oh, and sadly BETA READER: I forgot who you are.... Sigh.... Yep. It's been that long....**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I swallow deep; my throat burns with hunger and anticipation as Bella stares me straight in the eye. Everything, every word, which escapes her red lips, passes me by, like it was never there. I don't know how this is possible, but I can feel it entering my ears and leaving upon arrival, as if it were an unwanted guest, a gun being held at it's chest. I want to leave the room and go for a run, but the family seems so amazed by this one creature-this Jane look-alike, that I stay, attempting not to be rude.

I fail miserably. Looking at her, at the Jane-like qualities, I can't help but glare at the looks that have casted me into a world of loneliness and depression. But I can't help but stare at her and be amazed by the simple simulates and the familiarizes of this creature. I can't help but imagine how I would feel as a human with this woman around me, with Jane six feet under.

If my heart still had a beat, I'm sure it would be pounding, beating against my one hundred and nine year old chest. It's noise matching one of a helicopter's propellers, loud, fast and furious. But of course I'm dead, and my heart has yet to beat in these years of existence. I slip my hand into Isabella's, realizing she had me in the open, she could search through my memories. I almost considered pulling away from her and saving the images of Jane for myself. No one else could see them; they were mine and no one else's.

* * *

And just like Carlisle and Emmett I find myself in a memory, in a room, watching a beautiful young women pull something out of the floor. The girl's fingers are trembling against the cover of an old book, a journal. She looks excited, scared- She looks like Isabella, she lo oks like Jane!The vampire Bella steps closer to her memory, closer to herself, and looks over her own shoulder. She knows what's going to happen- I have no clue. There's sound coming from the back of human Bella's throat and she looks torn in a mental argument, her only opponent: The better half. I don't even attempt to read her thoughts, to read through the argument, thinking it was impossible since she was purely a memory and I was unable to read present day Bella's thoughts. Which -might I add- is highly annoying.

Gently the human's fingers wrap against an envelope and the human's pale fingers pull out a letter, reading the scrawl, handling the letter with the best of care. I imagine her like a child at Christmas, not wanting to rip the beautiful wrapping paper in which her gift was hidden under. She pulls the letter out; excitement is obvious in all of her slow and eager movements. It's deadly obvious she wants to read this, but she knows- as I do -that it will bring change to her life. Forever.

Present day Isabella snapped her fingers, catching my eye quickly. She pointed to the letter that was addressed to-My head snapped towards both of the Bellas, back and fourth, human and vampire. I take notice that they're no different, except for changes in looks, they were the same person, quiet, shy and they both seem to cower from life, with an occasional sense of guts. _It's a stupid trait_, I think,_ and it was most likely that trait that brought Isabella here, into this cursed fate._"Just read the letter," Isabella sighed, crossing both arms and impatiently tapping her foot onto the hardwood floor, it made no noise but I could image it.

_Tap Tap... Tap Tap Tap_

It's almost like a heartbeat, yet, it's nothing of the sort. Instead it is Bella's foot grinding into the ground with no force. Just a mere light tap. Almost nothing.

_Dear Edward__,_

___As your mother I have always known what is best for you, and I know that this journal will do you good. I want you to record your life in here. I want to you to cherish this journal, as I know you will and keep close to always. It may just bring you the luck we all need in this time. I love you my son and I only wish you the happiest of years to come._

_With love, _

_Your mother_

The human Bella looked at my journal, which rested in her hands and as delicately as possible she flipped open the journal and began to read- She turned to the next page, and the one after that... to find it was empty. "I wrote in the journal," Bella whispered beside me, tugging at the hem of her shirt. "I couldn't let it go to waste and I figured it would be my own little secret. Who would possibly know?" Her head twisted my direction, her red eyes dull and almost human-like. "Who would care?"

"Did you ever think about the history of that journal?" I snarled, angry that she had vandalized _my_ personal belongings.

"Yes!" She stood up, the memory pausing. "That's all I could think about, but it never felt like a violation. Not until I read the next entry."

Human Bella sat on her bed, a phone lazily hung by her ear and a voice, concerned, spoke non-stop. Vaguely Bella would nod her head and agree with the women who I took to be her mother. Bored, she rose from her bed and reached into her drawer, her small, pale fingers lifting _my_ journal from the drawers. Her eyes curiously ran over the cover of _my _journal's black leather cover. She opened_ my_ journal furiously reading something ridiculously memory paused and present day Isabella motioned with a one finger to come over where she stood, next to the bed.

"Read," she commanded simply. And I let myself read it cautiously. Slowly.

_First entry_

_Now having to realize fathers' condition it's only brought me down along with mother. How I fear for her health, future and beauty. She's only grown weaker with each passing day and I do not believe it is father's health and strength that has her so invalid and weak. No, but instead I deem that she too is sick with the awful plague that has struck everyone but me in this household. Thus, me being the only one healthy for what I believe, I've only held hope for father but mother has lost her faith and I in no doubt blame her. This has hit us heavily and broken our hearts.__What am I to do in a situation such as this? I very well can't keep on praying to the lord to spare them as so many have, but what could his great plan be? Surely mother and father deserve as much life as possible and for the lord to allow culprits and sinners to live then he must be a selfish man o r have a very good plan. Either way, this was not the path I wished to walk, but who would want a path so grim and ghastly? Certainly not a respectable person._

_Also, in the request of mother I'm to consider life without father and I just can't find it. Father has always been there to support us both. Maybe, I shall join the army, but to leave mother alone would that be heartless? If so I'll get a job at a local business of some sort, that way I can b e here for mother. Another fear of Father being gone, I suspect mother will want me to marry as soon as possible. No matter how much I loathe the idea I know it's for the best, even if I do not love her._

_Well, I must end this entry and I must say I feel helpless. Whether it's normal or not it puts an enormous weight on my shoulders but then again that could be the future ahead of time._

"It appeared that night, my entry gone and yours in its place." She laughed. "I began to think the house was haunted, or I was going crazy."

I clutched the bridge of my nose and then slowly ran a hand through my hair. "Which did you hope for?"

"None," she said, running a hand through her long hair. "I liked you too much the more I began to write and both lead to me never having you."

I wanted to explain to her and that I was right here, in her reach, and I might be for more time then she could possibly imagine. She would possibly be one to join the coven, become Alice's doll and Carlisle's science project and maybe my friend. Gladly, I was able to stop myself from saying anything with a possible double meaning. _Jane! _I thought, although dead, she was alive somewhere in my soul and maybe Isabella was the answer. "You created an illusion of me?" Mentally it sounded as if it were a lie, even when it rolled off of my tongue, out of my shook her head. Clearly convinced, she said, "I knew it was all real. Something -I don't know what- inside of me wanted to believe and I did."

* * *

Edward didn't believe me.

I wouldn't believe me either if I had been put into this were the odds of having a journal capable to communicate between two people in two different times?

Very Unlikely.

_Immensely Unlikely._

In my mind I don't doubt the fact that _this_ is tugging on the edge of Edward's mind. Surely, this all had to be invading him and he was resisting like I had done when I had received the journal and the first few entries. "I thought you were a ghost resisting your fate and not moving on at first," I say, trying to comfort him, but move slowly into the subject.

"A ghost?" He asked with general confusion in his voice. I wasn't surprised. "What made you think that?"I shrugged my shoulders, my eye catching the pause of my still-human fingers and my old, dry hair. As much as I hated to admit it, I hated my body in its current and new form, it's pasty color and it's deep features made me into something I was never was. Personally, I felt like a body snatcher, like that old movie, with the exception I was not an Alien and nor did I actually steal this body for my own needs. What I mean to say is this body, being vampire, was not Bella was these days?

"I was making up excusing thinking-" I motioned towards the journal and my old, frozen body. "-_This_ was all fake, some dream I would wake from and come to discover was a horrible nightmare and would never-ever happen to me in real life." I'm not lying, although it feels like it. Not telling him every de tail of my past with the journal was hard enough and I felt myself draining of power. Maybe I'd have no more power to explain. What would I do then?

"Don't tell me," I pause, taking a breath and looking into Edward's eyes. Topaz just became my favorite color and it had taken almost everything in me to not look away, to not stare into those eyes; this right here was the man (well, vampire) I had loved and who kind of killed. Not physically, but mentally. Besides all of that, we were in an argument and there must be _some_ rule against swooning in the middle of an argument. "-That you would of believed it, if you were talking to someone from the past?"

He considers this for a moment and says, "What did I believe?" It's clear what he wants me to show him. Oh, but was I ready?

* * *

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_Whether you are a figment of my imagination or the devil himself, I do believe I'm going insane. As, I have watched the words you had once wrote disappear and reappear once again, only a different entry. I must say I am no ghost and it is you who has written in MY journal and as you asked I beg you to stop writing in my journal. For I believe this is unhealthy for the two of us, or at least I.__And to your disappointment I'll have you know that there will be no crossing over soon, and I pray you understand that there will be no Ghost Busters required in this unnatural conversation and in the near future. I am perfectly capable of crossing over when it's my time and I'll have you know I'm very healthy._

_I also feel inclined to inform you the year is 1918, not this blasted nonsense of it being the 2008 and though you are unreal I hope for you to correct your mistake._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward Masen_

My eyes bore deep into my human writing, or what I though to be my human writing. As truthful as it all seemed, I didn't believe it, I wouldn't believe it! Pure insanity I can't help thinking while I stare at the writing, not really reading anymore. "I don't believe it," I say, stepping away from the froz en figure of Bella and walking my way across the room to the vampire Bella. "This is unbelievable. Impossible." I shook my head, my thoughts tearing right and left. My heart, how I'm glad it does not beat.

_Thump... Thump... Thump_

"I didn't believe it either," Bella says while my head swims in the idea of this- whatever she dared to call it! "But it's true. I know about your father dying and your mother's breakdowns, not much about you but- but-," she stuttered, walking back two steps looking down at her feet, in a pair of beat up, black converse. "I know Jane and how much you loved her."

I stopped. Jane. She uttered the word quickly; impossibly fast, as if she were afraid of the reaction to the word, to my Jane. "How?"

* * *

For the first time since I have met Edward, I saw the spark igniting in his eyes at the mention of her name. And almost as if water was running through him the spark was gone, being put out. He looked furious and confused, his lips pulled into a thin, white line and his perfectly sculpted forehead scrunched into one big pile. He asks- No he demands, how I know about her.

"You told me," the words come out of my mouth quickly. Oh, why did I have to bring her up? She was the reason I died originally and even after I was dead she was still killing me. Again! I grip the corners of my mind, pulling all of my might into one memory, into one stupid message, to my stupid (utterly and disbelievingly stupid!) heartbreak. Oh, deary me.

* * *

Jane's memory, the few I have of her are clearer then normal, I figure it's Isabella, who horribly looks the same. She's filling in the blurs of the old memories and of the younger Jane. At least she doesn't smell of roses or fresh honey. I'm glad, at the least that she is nothing like Jane, with the exception of her looks. Jane was strong; she knew the right thing to say at the right moment and Isabella, well, she was a blubbering fool, for the few moments I had known her. Jane stood proud, modest and Isabella stood as if she were hiding something dark and sinister. The room changed and I nearly collapsed with the broken figure of Isabella. I was comparing, and comparing always lead to doubt and never (never!) would I allow doubt and Jane to be in the same sentence and rather in the same thought (excluding this time- in which it does not count). I'd stop. Jane, she was the only one and I knew family knew knew it.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm not sure if you have noticed, but I'm using your Staples Ball Point Pen. I don't really know if it is yours, but let me tell you it's amazing, but I must ask, where does the ink come from? Well, this is al l beside the point. I meet women, and she is absolutely perfect; she's beyond perfect in beauty. I can not begin to explain the perfectness of Jane Walter, but I can tell you the way she smells of roses drives me crazy, and the way her chestnut-colored hair dances in the wind drives me off the edge, as this journal does, but in a different sense._

_I think I'm in love. My mother says that this is what it is, but I have just meet Jane Walter today, it can't be love, can it? I'm trying to ignore the feelings right at this very moment; maybe if I see her again I will know._

_Well, I cannot stop thinking about her as I could not stop thinking about you earlier. You've both left me curious, the reason being, who you are. I'm afraid that I don't get much of who you are with a short entry, but it is enough to keep me writing and wondering if we'll ever recover from this madness and live to lead great lives? I wonder if it will be possible?_

_Either way, I know I can have some support from you. Unless they take away my journal, then, I'm afraid I shall never have someone believe I am sane._

_I'm afraid this is where my entry ends. I do have a request for your next entry, could you tell me a little about your time? I want to know what the year 2008's like._

_Yours,_

_Edward Masen_

A smile, not large, creeps up into my lips. She loo ked the same, she sounds the same. I wished to pull her closer, her body against mine.

I wanted her so badly.

I craved her smell, her touch and voice.

* * *

She marched closer, sinking her white teeth into familiar human flesh. Charlie Swan's body fell, hitting the ground with force. Dead. She looked up, her eyes searching for something, while someone pointed off into the distance of the woods. She wiped the edge of her lips, her white shirt staining crimson. A smile crept onto her lips and her hunger was satisfied.

(Theme of quotes is Disbelief)

**Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.****-Tom Robbins**

**With most people disbelief in a thing is founded on a blind belief in some other thing.****-Georg C. Lichtenberg**

**Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.****-W. Clement Stone**

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**Don't know when I'll update again but I'll try. School just got out over here in Washington so it's summer! For me------ Anyways, I'm excited to try and write this again. Oh, if you'd like I let out a few one-shots- read them! Please.... Okay, like old times, tell me your favorite line or part, what you think might happen and tell me what happened while I was gone- just be random and have fun.**

**I actually, broke my pinky... I know I'm good! And I sprained a few fingers. Yesterday, I almost fell in my pond because I tripped over some grass and I developed a great obsession with FORGIVE DURDEN and fight club (best movie, after ELF, ever). I won an award, cried, laughed, partied and FELL!!!! Oh, and I watched my grandfather play the spoons. How many of you can say that? Left extremely long messages in strangers yearbooks. Made of fun of my brother's new friend and something else- I decided I'm never having kids after watching the: Miracle of birth and some other birthing movie. Babies are gross and I don't need one growing inside of me thank you very much!****  


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	22. Chapter 21

My muse is back! Although I have had no time to write! People think in the summers they'll be able to update quicker- that's a lie. A big fat, stinking lie. No one I know updates in the summer, its been a huge bummer. Not only that but I've started another story, which I hope you read. It's called: Cheating Jacob Black.

Also, I'd like to thank my amazing Beta, Freesias ans Strawberries for helping me out. Without her this chapter would be a huge mess!

Sorry this took so long to get out, but I promise to stick to this story for some time. Review and enjoy!

P.s. One of my one-shots has been nominated. If you want to read just go to my profile and read the announcment. I'd love to have some more votes!!!!

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I refused to let myself think any further into Jane and Edward's relationship. He obviously still loved her and that was enough for me. Isabella Swan desperately needed to get out of dream land and into reality. The reality where she ate humans (an occasional zoo lion or two) and lived with Charlie in harmony, or rather Forks which she don't believe is referred to as 'harmony' on the maps. She had to leave dream land for good.

So, that's what I did. I left the memories behind...

Edward looked stunned as we returned to the living room, surrounded by a 'family' of vampires. What I really hated about being in the middle of this family moment was it was dead quiet. Not a sound. No heartbeat or breath. An occasional far off sound, but from that – there was nothing.

"Well?" Jasper raised an eyebrow, as if I would know the question already. Edward cleared his throat, dropped my hand, which - honestly - I forgot was even in my grip.

"There's nothing to talk about."

The whole family seemed to have let out a breath of relief, as if it was a good thing Edward didn't want to talk about something so mind boggling crazy. Part of me was thinking that he didn't see a thing, or he didn't want to see a thing and the other part was imagining Edward and I alone. Which wasn't helping this situation what so ever; dreaming in this kind of time was never going to help me realize how I felt at the moment, besides...In love?

I stood up to leave. "Thank you. Um, I-I think if I ever need help, you know, adjusting to this...Lifestyle - If that's what it is - I might run over here, but I doubt you'll be seeing much of me," I clutched my eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain of knowing Edward would still be in my life and I would still never be able to have him. "I doubt that　_anybody_　will be seeing much of me," The last part I mumbled, so I was basically talking to myself.

Opening my eyes and walking off without looking at Edward seemed like the hardest thing at the time. But when I reached the doorway I realized it was the silence of my footsteps and my grace that really made this whole thing horrible. Okay, not looking back was amazingly hard but I had rather heard one of them, the pixie at least, say a small goodbye.

No one _ever_ said goodbye.

When I slammed the front door, almost taking it off its hinges, Charlie had to be aware I was

home. From what I could remember Charlie never slept through a single event. Someone lights off a firework, Charlie's on that man in seconds. I wasn't quiet sure if it was from his work as a cop or if it had somehow been programmed into him at the local police academy to wake up to someone breaking the smallest of laws...

How he passed in Chicago? I don't know.

I marched straight into the kitchen and to the fridge, which was empty.

I just really wanted to cook something...

Charlie slowly walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "You're home late," I ignored him and pushed myself onto the counter to sit. "Dinner was pizza, so don't worry about making anything. There are some leftovers and I'd offer them to you - but you know...I can't,"　With my fingernail I traced a straight line into the counter. Charlie blushed and cleared his throat. "How were the woods?"

I shrugged, not sure how to answer the question. Who was I to tell him about the Cullen's? "The same, really."

"How's the hunger?" Charlie sounded a little nervous asking this question. I mostly think because it's still a touchy subject for him...I mean if my daughter wanted to eat me, or anybody in that case, then I'd be slightly nervous too.

"It's fine," I snapped.

He took a deep breath and blushed. "No - No turning into a bat or anything, right?"

We already covered the basics: I didn't need a coffin, garlic and crosses didn't make me repel, I could walk into a church and feel perfectly fine, holy water did nothing to me, I could look at myself in a mirror and I certainly did not want to eat a virgin every meal. I shook my head.　

"Nope. Still the same old bloodsucker."

"No burning sensation from the sunlight?"

Once again, I shook my head, cutting the line deeper with my fingernail. It felt stupid to say, to _think_, but Edward had yet to leave my brain...Although somewhere in my body I was sure I hated him for being in love with Jane, whom was dead. And for that reason I was hypocrite, considering that Edward was dead too and I still loved him without reasoning. Still my being a hypocrite was not going to help get this vampire out of my head, I had to do something (anything!) to make him leave me.

From beside me Charlie joined me on the counter, leaving a distance of two feet between us. "What's on your mind kiddo?" I shrugged, not realizing for a few seconds that Charlie was attempting another bonding moment, this one being more centered on my feelings. I started carving a circle with my fingernail into the counter, until Charlie placed a pale, warm hand onto the carving hand. He coughed and chuckled.　"Maybe you shouldn't do that."

__

Maybe

I stopped craving a small circle into the counter and looked up at Charlie, shrugging. "Nothing."

Charlie cleared his throat, then ran a hand threw his hair, letting the bangs fall back into place. "Bella, I might not be the greatest father, but there has to be...Something wrong."

I looked up, meeting Charlie's eyes. "I'm a vampire dad. That's enough wrong for me,"

He shook his head and went to reach for my hand but drew back at the last second.

"There's nothing wrong with being a vampire-"

My eyebrows scrunched together, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at Charlie's attempt of making me feel better. "How can you say that?　I　_eat_　people, Charlie. Eat people_　like you_. I drink their blood! How is that not wrong?"

Charlie sighed. "This is just as hard for me, as it is for you...If not worse. I don't want to watch you wither away because you can't find happiness or you're craving someone's -" He took a large gulp of air. "...　_Blood_."

I stared at Charlie as he tried to reassure me. The purple bags under his eyes told me he was tired and he desperately needed rest. He continued to say reassuring things, that maybe he thought would help make me feel better and, sadly, only made me feel worse. I frowned and leaned forward to hug Charlie. My arms wrapped around him, my hands staying off of his flesh, and I held him tight enough. This was all　I needed. "Go to sleep dad."

"Bella, - I know I've just said this - But I want you to know I'm proud of you. No matter what you are." His arms wrapped around my body, his warmth engulfing me. I held my breath when the fresh smell of honey invaded my nostrils.

"Goodnight, dad," I let go of Charlie.

　he was right.

Charlie's arms released me, welcoming me back into the normal temperature. "Goodnight, Bella."

Sleep.

It's one thing I wish I could still do to pass the time; I had already managed to unpack most of the house, straying away from Charlie's bedroom and my room. I didn't think I could handle the place where my innocence invaded every item in that room. The white walls, the small twin bed I had spent nights in, the windows that moonlight invaded in the night - It was all too much for me. There was nothing on the television besides trash TV and so I spent the rest of the night running around the wood close to home.

I caught a deer, which seemed to satisfy my hunger. I turned to run back home, to find Charlie sitting on the steps of his house. His eyes dull, as if lost to something else completely and his hand sat under his jaw. He immediately brightened up; allowing his heart sped up ever so slightly, when he saw me. "There you are kiddo," He smiled and stood up. "I was waiting for you."

"What for?"

Charlie seemed to get nervous, not only was the speedy heartbeat a sign but he always tended to rub his neck is these kind of moments.　"Billy is coming by with his son, Jacob and I wanted to make sure it was okay with you...With your, you know..." Charlie trailed off from there nervously avoiding my eye.

I shrugged. "Yeah, that's cool."

"It's cool?"

"Yeah."

"Okay..."

"Totally cool. I ate... An animal of course. Not like a human or anything."

He gave a nod. "I can tell. You seem refreshed, in a way." We stood there for a second before Charlie gave an awkward wave and went back into the house, me trailing closely behind. The stinging in my throat was strong but I pushed it down, letting the feeling develop into a warm-like sensation. It frustrated me that I still wanted Charlie's blood, even after these few weeks or days. However long it had been, it felt like an eternity.

I ran up the stairs and quickly searched through the boxes outside of my door and threw on a green tee-shirt, a pair of ratty jeans and some silver flats. I threw my hair up into a quick and messy bun and turned to go downstairs. Charlie greeted me with a smile as I entered the kitchen, hoping he hadn't eaten anything yet. I still wanted to make him something.

"What did you eat?" I asked.

"Well, I haven't made myself anything and I thinking maybe we could all go out: Billy, Jacob, you and I. Even if you don't eat, you can always enjoy a nice conversation and make a new friend." Friend; the word reminded me of the little pixie, Alice.

"Sounds nice," It did. I needed a friend, someone who didn't know my secret and who was mortal. Jacob was human at least and depending on his thoughts and/or obsessions with immortal creatures -He'd never know my secret until someone clued him in. "Maybe I'll go brush my hair then."

Charlie held his hand up. "No need. It looks fine."

I gave him a quick smile and went to sit on the couch. For awhile everything was normal, that was until the breeze caught a smell worse than a skunk, batch of raw eggs and wet dog all mixed together. Flashes of the forest and the pack came back to life and I was on end. They had to be nearby. Instantly, I clutched the bridge of my nose and called out to Charlie, "Do you smell that?" After asking that question I felt remarkably stupid; I had super senses and Charlie did not.

"Never mind," I called back. The smell got worse and worse by the second and I tried to ignore it more and more. I made my way up to the bathroom, deciding to comb my hair instead of waiting for the Blacks to arrive, when suddenly I heard a car approach a door swing open. Two seconds later the door was being kicked in. "Charlie!" Someone shouted.

Without thinking, I ran to the door to be greeted with that awful stench and a shocked figure. From behind Charlie I could see someone, a very tall someone, standing on guard.

"Bella, meet Jacob!"


	23. Chapter 22 AN: Another Apology

***ducks fruits and vegetables being thrown* You all must hate me, and for that I do not blame you- whatsoever. I've been selfish, leaving this story and all of it's fans. I know, but this story is soooo bad! I'm cringing with each chapter I go back to. And then I realized that this is the first story I had really ever written and wanted to finish, and that had been a year ago. I just feel like I have no more effort to finish this story which is so unfair to my amazing fans. So I may have to push myself to update- and it will not be amazing to read I warn you- but I will eventually finish this story within the new year. Please, leave a review (I'll need some serious support through this) and I PROMISE I will finish this story.**

**It's currently one in Washington, and I have a feeling if I don't just update I won't for another few weeks, thinking this sucks. I (no joke) wrote this chapter over a total of 5 times, each with a different ending/beginning and I'm sick of trying. Edward will be here soon with Bella, and Jacob will be out of the picture soon enough, I'd normally make these two friends but I just can't; that'd be another few chapters I don't want to write.**

**And for those of us who would like to know what the connection between Bella and Jane is.... read on through this too long authors note, or at least this paragraph. Bella is Jane, resurrected. Soon she'll be having memory flashes of Jane's and... yeah. So if that was at all killing you, then there you go. You'll get one of the flashes today, in the middle of the chapter. **

**Enjoy and please Review! And I'm going to have my Beta go over this, but it's one and I really would like to get this out and sleep. Tomorrow for sure. LOVE YOU ALL! And we're almost to 600 reviews. I'd love to get a little over 610, but that may be asking too much since I've been gone for so long!**

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There were so many ways I could imagine Charlie dying. Possibly of a heart attack, or of old age, or more likely a from a cancer. But this scenario had not been one of them. Maybe this all happened too quickly. Even for a vampire. But this wasn't how I imagined my newest life. Fighting werewolves in Forks? The last I had heard, Forks had a small population of mountain lions living deep into the woods. What possibly made this small, and horribly rainy town an attraction to the darker, unreal creatures of the world?

_The Cullens,_ some other voice spoke.

"Charlie!" Billy called out, as I ran back into the house. The dog chased after me, snapping at the heels of my foot. " Jacob," Billy cried out once again.

There was a wrestling noise from the kitchen, the sounds of a few pots and pans banging together. Without thinking, I ran that direction, colliding with Charlie, who rapidly searched through his kitchen cupboards. "Dad," I cried out. Charlie turned to me quickly, spinning on his heel. His pistol pointed at my chest, which he quickly lowered.

I heard a growling noise from the doorway, and the smell of rotten eggs, gym towels and milk reached my nostrils, knowing instantly that the wet dog was behind me. I turned frantically to Charlie, shouting, "Shoot it, dad!" I didn't have the heart to attack it myself.

Charlie pointed the gun he held in his hands to the dog, who growled in response to Charlie. His ivory teeth shone in the light. Charlie's finger slowly moved to grasp the trigger of the gun, and before he could pull it, another howl sounded in the near distance. My head pounded in pain, like it had sometimes done when I had been human. I fell to my knees, sick and clutched my hair in my hands. I heard Charlie call out my name.

Memories flashed in my mind, blurry.

_I made my way through a rose garden, following the freshly made footsteps. In this memory, I wore a white night gown, and my hair down. I followed myself as I made my way through the moist grass. I came to a sudden halt, looking forward, to a figure indulging on the view of the moon and slowly crept to stand next to him._

_I held my gasp of surprise as I recognized the beautiful shade of hair and moved towards the front of the both of the two. Edward sat in the grass, staring back at me. "You heard me?" He sounded so refined, and welcoming as compared to now._

_"Yes, you do__ seem to whisper very loudly." I laughed, pulling a few strains of grass from the ground beneath us. _

_Edward turned his head away from me and looked to the distance. I seemed to do the same, sucking in more oxygen than needed. The silence that curse that moment seemed to bother me. "She's adorable. Your child Elizabeth," Edward complimented. I stared confused at the two of them._

_"I named her after your mother." I took a step closer and sat next to Edward, who peeked at me through the corner of his eye. Our knees were almost connecting I noticed. The memory of me began to speak, smiling sadly. "I have a son named Edward too. He reminds me of you sometimes."_

_"You named a kid after me and my mother," Edward said sounding amused. Honestly, at that moment _I_ was in shock. "Well, that us hope he's not like me entirely."_

_"Why?" I asked. Edward turned his head sharply in my direction, a curious and furious look playing on his face. I seemed to lean forward._

_"Jane haven't you wondered how I'm alive? Still young? Aren't you at least a bit curious?" I coughed. Jane? Jane?! The girl who I blame for my death, the girl who haunted any sweet memory I could of had of my last months... Why, Jane?_

_Jane swallowed hard and bobbed her head. She kept her eyes attached to the distance, stalking the trees with her eyes. "Yes, but I know you- you're different."_

_"Not different," Edward shook his head. "I'm a monster. I always will be."_

I came back to the real world, confused as ever and scared, only to watch as suddenly a large black dog pounced onto Charlie, knocking the gun out of his hand. "Dad," I yelled out, I instantly forgetting about Jacob or Jane and ran towards the black dog. It didn't seem to be trying to help him, more like threatening him, not to hurt his companion.

Charlie stared up at the black dog, his face frozen in shock. This was obviously too much for him to handle... in a lifetime. He was only human. _With a vampire as a daughter. _

"Dad, breathe," I offered this sole piece of advice, as the undeniably beautiful russet colored dog snapped at my heels again. I glanced over at Charlie, seeing his face contort into a look struggle and strain, and the black dog growling down at him. "Don't struggle. Just breathe."

He didn't listen to me. The black wolf snarled, and threatened him, snapping at his nose. Charlie froze.

I watched a few more wolves rushed into the small kitchen, Billy sitting at the doorway. "Charlie!" He shouted, his eyes planted on my frightened form. "What are you doing?" Billy's demanding voice was fierce, and did not stay with an even pitch.

The russet wolf watched the exchange through my eyes. I spent the time I had calculating a plan- anything to save Charlie. But I was sure I did not have enough power to make these wolves travel through their memories. Not this whole room at once. It drained me enough to bring myself back. I thought of another alternative: The Cullens. Mostly of Alice and Edward. Where was the pixie? Why wasn't she here to help me like she had been before?

"Charlie, snap out of it," Billy yelled, rolling his way to the wolves. "She's dangerous."

Three wolves approached me. "She's not going to hurt me," Charlie whispered. Three of the wolves snorted, and growled, as if doubting my control. They were right in a small degree. "She's my daughter, my kid Billy. You have to understand." His eyes flashed to the "Jacob" who staring at me with hatred-filled eyes. "You love them no matter what the hell they are because they're the only thing keeping you alive. She's the same Bella- immortal and hungary for humans, yes, but she can control herself."

"How long has she been....?" Billy questioned trailing off, eyes flashing to me and back to Charlie. A few wolves barked in protest, including Jacob.

"A week or two at the most." The black wolf on top of Charlie snapped down at his nose and flashed his razor sharp teeth.

I let out a struggled cry and nearly launched my way to my only father, but stopped as another wolf leaped forward onto the counter, blocking my view of Charlie.

* * *

If you'd like, check out my current work. I'd appreciate some of my fans reviewing my other work! Thanks! Hope you all had a great holiday season, and a great new year!

REVIEW please.


	24. The End

Dear Readers,

Unfortunately , I have reached the conclusion that writing is not possible at this point. While inspiration is high, considering I've found my own Edward (but only better...) writers block has gotten the best of me. So, I must report that continuing any of my stories is not possible at the moment. You all are amazing, supportive and simply an inspiration all on your own but that proves not to be enough for me. I've written various new stories, chapters in and given no sign of continuing any further. I'm sorry to disappoint.

If any of you would like to continue a story of mine... Please, message me. I thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart and I wish you a happy reading/writing but I have a love life and a school life and a life in general I need to take care of before writing anymore and who knows... Maybe I'll be back soon.

Enjoy!

-Red Apples Inc.


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